Help Help! I dont know what to do or say.

[Rustysoupcan]

So at the end of february I was chaptered and put in the hospital, and I am now under a commitment with the county for 6 months. Because of this commitment, the county can basically put me where ever they want, so I am currently in a group home. I want to go home so bad, and if I do well I should be able to go in like 2 months. But I'm not doing great. I'm better than I was but I can feel myself going down. I dont know what to say because my county social worker, my therapist, and my psychiatrist all talk to each other, so I have no one to actually talk about my suicidal thoughts with without risking going back to the hospital, or at the very least not go home. So I dont know what to do, because I'm not someone who can pretend everything is fine. I dont want to die right now but I'm not actively trying to get better. I just take my meds and try to get through the day. I wish I did want to die so I could just do it and not have to worry about all of this stuff. I know the best thing is to just grit my teeth and put on a smile to go home asap, but that's so fucking hard to do.

 

[Rustysoupcan]

Imma try to boost this cause I just need another person's opinion. I'm afraid if I tell someone that I'm getting worse, I will never get to go home. But if I dont tell someone I will just have to suffer.

 

[bloomingdark]

If your feeling better and don't really want to die I think your progressing a lot, even having suicidal thoughts, at one point it can even not be your intention to commit suicide but the thoughts are something that is difficult to recover from , with good therapy and the state you're in you're going to be able to ignore/reduce the importance of this thoughts i would recommend you to be sincere, since you don't really want to die, you putting things like this may lead your mental health advisors to see your improvement and sincerity, obviously it depends on how you word it, you can be discrete and tell them just the necessary things , maybe they can help you out with technics to make this thoughts more subtle, this is my advice but for obvious reasons is up to you c: i hope you can find your way out and finally go home!

Hugs and lots of good vibes
Stay safe

 

[timf]

When a person lives in a sort of confinement and has few options (like prison, school, the army, East Germany. etc.) one has a proportional loss of control. This sort of environment carries with it an intrinsic despair as well as creating an excessive focus what few options one might have. It is unnatural and distorted.

Until you can get into an environment that allows you a broader focus, you may wish to turn your focus inward in a way that helps you sharpen your own resources. You have probably had times that were better than others. If you can identify and cultivate what you did or how you thought in the better times, you might find that you can build on those skill to be your own therapist.

Like an athlete who goes into an exercise regime, you may be able to find resources within yourself that will help regardless of what circumstance you find yourself in. If you are religious, prayer or meditation could also be helpful.

 

[WornOutLife]

I know the best thing is to just grit my teeth and put on a smile to go home asap, but that's so fucking hard to do.

Well, this is actually the best solution and exactly what I did when I was in the mental health section of a hospital and they were about to send me to a horrendous psych ward.
What about trying to learn how to pretend from now on? Start with small steps just as greeting everyone you see with a smile. People really like that.

You don't even have to pretend that much. Just smile, take your meds and whenever they ask you how you are, just tell them that you've been feeling better these days.

If you don't this, I think things only will get worse. Think of it as THE ONLY OPTION LEFT.

Easier said than done but not impossible.

Best of luck!