Nobodysfault
"If my soul be lost, its nobodys fault but mine"
- Mar 21, 2019
- 119
You can skip to the end if you wanna.
Hey everyone!
I have BPD, Body dysmorphic, ptsd, depression and anxiety. I know who i am without all of these but i find myself thinking,talking and acting as a completely different person than who i really am - i even drive different.
It feels as if im under a spell all of the time, aware of the spell,trying but cant fight the spell.
I try to explain people that my behavior has nothing to do with mental strength or outer events that happened to me, and that if only i wouldnt have a certain thing(long story) i would act different to any situation but People look at me and judge me as if i am my mental problems and as if i am a weak person. they say things like "i would never do that" or "you shouldnt take it like that, look at me i was raped and im okay" (yeap they go that far) and i tell them that i wouldnt do or act like it either and that i am not myself and they just roll their eyes and say "you are you these are your words and your choices, you need to work on your self its all about your approach to things, you need to change the way you look at life". I try to explain to them that i look at the world in such a different way and i have such different values and that the mental problems make me..well, not me.
Sometimes out of 24 hours of the day i get like 10 min where my mind is me again( i call it mentally sober) and i look at how i acted and i realize that if i acted the way i did then my state was really bad, i realize how much of a different person i am and how much these stupid mental problems make me act and seem like a normal yet different and annoying person that is far far far away than who i am, and it all started because of a wrong treatment to low self esteem that caused me body dysmorphia(and then some).
People who are healthy at mind dont understand mental problems, they always think its bullshit and exaggerated,they dont get that it has nothing to do with strength becausr its not you anymore who respond to things,its much more like a disease.
For you to fully understand why im not weak and wasn't supposed to have any mental illness i need to tell my full story ( and believe me you'd get how i was forced into it) but it would be way too long.
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This is a long and no so well put paragraph, but what i need from you guys is help in explaining that- help me convince the people i love to believe and understand the concept of not being you because of mental problems, having an identity that isnt yours and acting different than the normal you would. Also explaining it has nothing to do with weakness or strength.
Thank you!
Hey everyone!
I have BPD, Body dysmorphic, ptsd, depression and anxiety. I know who i am without all of these but i find myself thinking,talking and acting as a completely different person than who i really am - i even drive different.
It feels as if im under a spell all of the time, aware of the spell,trying but cant fight the spell.
I try to explain people that my behavior has nothing to do with mental strength or outer events that happened to me, and that if only i wouldnt have a certain thing(long story) i would act different to any situation but People look at me and judge me as if i am my mental problems and as if i am a weak person. they say things like "i would never do that" or "you shouldnt take it like that, look at me i was raped and im okay" (yeap they go that far) and i tell them that i wouldnt do or act like it either and that i am not myself and they just roll their eyes and say "you are you these are your words and your choices, you need to work on your self its all about your approach to things, you need to change the way you look at life". I try to explain to them that i look at the world in such a different way and i have such different values and that the mental problems make me..well, not me.
Sometimes out of 24 hours of the day i get like 10 min where my mind is me again( i call it mentally sober) and i look at how i acted and i realize that if i acted the way i did then my state was really bad, i realize how much of a different person i am and how much these stupid mental problems make me act and seem like a normal yet different and annoying person that is far far far away than who i am, and it all started because of a wrong treatment to low self esteem that caused me body dysmorphia(and then some).
People who are healthy at mind dont understand mental problems, they always think its bullshit and exaggerated,they dont get that it has nothing to do with strength becausr its not you anymore who respond to things,its much more like a disease.
For you to fully understand why im not weak and wasn't supposed to have any mental illness i need to tell my full story ( and believe me you'd get how i was forced into it) but it would be way too long.
-----
This is a long and no so well put paragraph, but what i need from you guys is help in explaining that- help me convince the people i love to believe and understand the concept of not being you because of mental problems, having an identity that isnt yours and acting different than the normal you would. Also explaining it has nothing to do with weakness or strength.
Thank you!
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