
oooops
hopelessly hopeful
- May 8, 2024
- 35
Hi everyone,
I'm thinking about having alcohol, promethazine and xanax (if i find them, if there's something easily attainable that's better please let me know
) and hyperventilating as much as i can, taking NOS with a ballon until i pass out, laying in a bathtub.
My idea is that i'll pass out in the tub from the balloons and hyperventilating and drown while unconscious. I might put a 2kg ankle weight around my neck just in case unconscious SI kicks in and my head pops out before i drown. The idea is that i die without panicking too much.
I'm not sure how much of the substances to take so that i don't throw up but also don't black out before i actually get to it, i might just chill in the bath for a long time. I also heard it's better if the water is warm/hot. Im not sure what else to do to make sure i CTB without inducing pain or panic.
Just in case you need to know. I am 19, 4'11 and 45kg, and i work out doing weights and weighted cardio every day for over an hour. My body is quite strong, and i regularly drink every other day.
I am someone who has survived dozens of attempts in my life to the point where doctors in the past were genuinely scared of me for a bit because i ended up with close to no side effects apart from brain damage. I am chronically suicidal with a lot of other issues from extreme, continuous trauma and also being neurodivergent. After spending majority of my life begging for help, despite being a 'top priority' in the eyes of the government, i have been messed around with, abused mentally and physically (in a psych ward) and neglected by the NHS for almost a decade. After recent events I truly realise now i won't get help, but i am unable to live like this. My illnesses are ones I cannot recover from truly, and I can't even begin that without external help which i'm being refused. Please help


I'm thinking about having alcohol, promethazine and xanax (if i find them, if there's something easily attainable that's better please let me know

My idea is that i'll pass out in the tub from the balloons and hyperventilating and drown while unconscious. I might put a 2kg ankle weight around my neck just in case unconscious SI kicks in and my head pops out before i drown. The idea is that i die without panicking too much.
I'm not sure how much of the substances to take so that i don't throw up but also don't black out before i actually get to it, i might just chill in the bath for a long time. I also heard it's better if the water is warm/hot. Im not sure what else to do to make sure i CTB without inducing pain or panic.
Just in case you need to know. I am 19, 4'11 and 45kg, and i work out doing weights and weighted cardio every day for over an hour. My body is quite strong, and i regularly drink every other day.
I am someone who has survived dozens of attempts in my life to the point where doctors in the past were genuinely scared of me for a bit because i ended up with close to no side effects apart from brain damage. I am chronically suicidal with a lot of other issues from extreme, continuous trauma and also being neurodivergent. After spending majority of my life begging for help, despite being a 'top priority' in the eyes of the government, i have been messed around with, abused mentally and physically (in a psych ward) and neglected by the NHS for almost a decade. After recent events I truly realise now i won't get help, but i am unable to live like this. My illnesses are ones I cannot recover from truly, and I can't even begin that without external help which i'm being refused. Please help


