Venting help

[BlizzardSnow]

im honestly using this site as like a journal or whatever atp like what but ion wanna write it down and i feel like no ones gonna find my SaSu acc since i dont use this name anywhere and i dont think anyone ik even knows ab the platform so idk i just wanna get my feelings out cuz i cant do shit rn. i have sm stuff to do and i cant do them idk whats wrong with me its like im struggling to get to the weekend where i can catch a mini break and then having to force myself to do stuff all over again. i feel like my life has been pretty good honestly i wouldnt say its perfect but my relationship w my parents are good, i have friends, food on the table and dont have to really worry ab money too much rn so idk why i feel so bad but i do. i dont even think i have anything going on mentally (like depression or anything) i feel like i could get up and do stuff if i made myself but i cant make myself but i feel like i could but idk. thats why im writing this rn maybe ill feel a little better and actually go do something useful. i cant even get up in the morning or anything and i just want to die i feel like every day is worse and worse but i know it will get slightly better eventually and then take a drop cuz it always happens and thats really annoying but i cant help it i guess. everything is annoying. I feel like i cant do anything by myself though im so dependant and its so bad but i cant do anything. Cant even ctb cuz one its too cold to hang myself anyway if i wanted to because id have to go outside to find and area if i really wanted to but unfortunately, its winter. i dont even trust myself with doing it right cuz i never do anything right, go me!! also, there arent any other methods i can do. and im so idk I saw a post the other day it had smth about fantasizing about getting murdered really violently and stuff (i cant think of how to word it rn) and idk why but imagining my body in such a state makes me feel something that i cant describe but also im so scared of the pain since my pain tolerance is pretty low i feel. anyway idk i wanna reach my end asap cuz nothings gonna get better if i dont even know why i feel this way i hope i get hit by a car tmr and pass or something

 

[littleraccoon3]

I'm really sorry you're feeling like this right now, and I'm glad you reached out. It sounds like you're carrying a lot, and it must be exhausting to feel this inner conflict—like everything seems okay on the outside but you still feel bad. That's a tough place to be.
It's okay if you can't push yourself to do things right now. You don't have to be productive all the time, and you don't have to handle everything on your own. Sometimes emotions don't make sense, but they're still valid. You're not stuck in this place forever, even though it might feel that way. Your feelings aren't permanent, and things can get better, even if it's just a little at a time.

 

[dontlook]

I hate that you're feeling so bad and just want to send some support. Glad you're able to vent here and I relate in a lot of ways. I hope you can find your answers

 

[BlizzardSnow]

I'm really sorry you're feeling like this right now, and I'm glad you reached out. It sounds like you're carrying a lot, and it must be exhausting to feel this inner conflict—like everything seems okay on the outside but you still feel bad. That's a tough place to be.
It's okay if you can't push yourself to do things right now. You don't have to be productive all the time, and you don't have to handle everything on your own. Sometimes emotions don't make sense, but they're still valid. You're not stuck in this place forever, even though it might feel that way. Your feelings aren't permanent, and things can get better, even if it's just a little at a time.

i feel like im not being productive all the time though, if at all usually. i spend many hours just wasting away in front of my computer (like rn, ironically) and i feel like I'm just incredibly lazy. and i want to fix it but i cant, and cuz i cant do shit i practically dont have a future so the possibilities of things getting better i feel arent really likely. i feel like i sound rly negative so im sorry ab that btw its just how i see things for me