Method Heroin and Benzodiazepines Overdose Method - Would it work?

[Bubble4246]

Hey everyone,

I'm 24 and have been living with severe BPD and depression since I was a teenager. Suicidal thoughts have been a constant part of my life. I'm not really looking for advice on my mental health. I've been in therapy for years, which has helped me grow as a person, but the deep depression and thoughts haven't gone away. Medications haven't worked for me either and I've tried pretty much everything. I've accomplished a lot in life, but the one thing I feel I have left to control is my own death. I'm tired of the never-ending cycle of extreme highs and lows, and I've come to terms with the fact that even if I "cure" my BPD, those cycles won't stop. I'm sick of being tricked into happiness by this cruel life.

I've been thinking a lot about death recently, and I've realized it doesn't scare me anymore. The universe doesn't care about us, and everything is random. There is no such thing as a soul. The only thing I'm truly afraid of is the process of dying itself - the fear of messing it up and ending up severely brain-damaged, trapped in a life I don't want to live.

That's why I'm posting here. I've tried to take my life before, but those attempts weren't well planned. Now, after years of thinking about it, I've developed a plan. I just need some opinions on whether it's well-thought-out, especially regarding dosages and possible complications.

Please note, I'm not sure if I'll actually go through with it. I just want to have an open, non-judgmental discussion about my plan and get some feedback. My plan is to take the following in quick succession: 150 mg Zopiclone, 75 mg Oxazepam, 20 mg Clonazepam, and finish by smoking 200 mg of Heroin. I don't have any tolerance to these drugs. The idea is that I would remain coherent long enough to smoke the heroin, and within 5-10 minutes, the effects of the benzos and heroin should kick in, making me go unconscious quickly and painlessly. Hopefully the euphoria of the heroin would make me not aware of anything else, and fall into a deep and comfortable sleep.

I'm concerned about a few things, though. Could this be painful? Is the dosage enough? Have I thought everything out correctly? Also, how high is the risk of vomiting everything out? Is there anything else I haven't thought about?

Thank you so much for reading and for any input you might have. I love you all.

 

[maniac116]

Sorry you're feeling so poorly
In general benzos won't get you there dependably. With opioids you will go if you take enough but you need to be somewhere you won't be found for a while as with opioids you can be revived.
There's a risk of vomiting too which may waste your attempt. I hope you start feeling better & that you find peace, whatever choices you make

 

[Bubble4246]

Sorry you're feeling so poorly
In general benzos won't get you there dependably. With opioids you will go if you take enough but you need to be somewhere you won't be found for a while as with opioids you can be revived.
There's a risk of vomiting too which may waste your attempt. I hope you start feeling better & that you find peace, whatever choices you make

Thank you so much for your reply . It really means a lot that you took the time to read and respond. I'm definitely going to take some time to figure out if this plan is right for me, or if I even want to do it. Sending good vibes your way! Hope you have a great night .

If anyone else is reading this, please share your thoughts. I would love to hear them!

 

[Davey40210]

I would do that but also put my head in a noose. That way if I pass out I would die regardless of whether I die of the overdose. A heroine induced sleep in combination with partial hanging actually seems like a rather peaceful way to go. I'd be worried to survive and then be addicted to heroin so it needs to work in that one go.

 

[Bubble4246]

I would do that but also put my head in a noose. That way if I pass out I would die regardless of whether I die of the overdose. A heroine induced sleep in combination with partial hanging actually seems like a rather peaceful way to go. I'd be worried to survive and then be addicted to heroin so it needs to work in that one go.

Thank you so much for your insights .

Luckily I'm not IVing heroin so the risk for addiction if I fail isn't as high. I've smoked it a few times to get used to the feeling and honestly it doesn't feel that good lol. Slightly annoying since I want it to feel good so I can pass in a euphoric state... But with enough tries anyone can get addicted to this devil of a drug. Never say never...

 

[Bubble4246]

Update: Just smoked heroin for the third time and realized I have no idea how I'm supposed to smoke 200 mg of it. The most I've done so far is 18 mg (mainly because I'm scared of overdosing before I'm ready), and that already hits super hard. It kicks in within 10-20 seconds and gets really intense after a minute or two. By the peak, around 20 minutes in, I was sweating like crazy and felt so nauseous I almost threw up. I had to focus on my breathing for ten minutes while sitting to calm down. It's a horrible experience.

I've read that it could be because I don't have any tolerance, so the negative effects are more pronounced. The probability of vomiting seems extremely high, so I'll have to experiment with promethazine and see if that helps.

I feel like even if I could load 200 mg into my vape, I'd only manage one hit before collapsing, probably only getting about 25% of the dose. My heroin might also be cut because I'm still anxious and not euphoric at all like I thought I'd be. I don't get the hype. Maybe I just don't like opiates? All the negative effects are just making my anxiety worse. Why isn't this stuff as amazing or addictive as people say? The reviews from where I got it were super positive. Honestly, I feel really disappointed...

 

[MG_39]

This is certainly a peaceful method, except the fear of failure.

Tolerance is different, for some people it can be quite low, other people require a high dose. And with a high dose you might throw up. A failure can result in stopped respiration long enough to cause damage but not death.

There are no peaceful and certain method, except PAS with short acting barbiturates.

Really high success rate means painful and/or violent (shotgun, full suspension, drowning, jumping)

 

[Bubble4246]

This is certainly a peaceful method, except the fear of failure.

Tolerance is different, for some people it can be quite low, other people require a high dose. And with a high dose you might throw up. A failure can result in stopped respiration long enough to cause damage but not death.

There are no peaceful and certain method, except PAS with short acting barbiturates.

Really high success rate means painful and/or violent (shotgun, full suspension, drowning, jumping)

Thank you for your input . It's really disheartening to realize how few methods are truly peaceful and painless. Based on the research I've done, this seems to be the best option available in my country (Sweden), unfortunately. I guess I'll just have to push through it, get accustomed to the heroin-like feeling, and figure out how it interacts with my nausea medication. Who knows what will happen in the future.

Thank you again .

 

[Bubble4246]

Update: Just smoked heroin for the third time and realized I have no idea how I'm supposed to smoke 200 mg of it. The most I've done so far is 18 mg (mainly because I'm scared of overdosing before I'm ready), and that already hits super hard. It kicks in within 10-20 seconds and gets really intense after a minute or two. By the peak, around 20 minutes in, I was sweating like crazy and felt so nauseous I almost threw up. I had to focus on my breathing for ten minutes while sitting to calm down. It's a horrible experience.

I've read that it could be because I don't have any tolerance, so the negative effects are more pronounced. The probability of vomiting seems extremely high, so I'll have to experiment with promethazine and see if that helps.

I feel like even if I could load 200 mg into my vape, I'd only manage one hit before collapsing, probably only getting about 25% of the dose. My heroin might also be cut because I'm still anxious and not euphoric at all like I thought I'd be. I don't get the hype. Maybe I just don't like opiates? All the negative effects are just making my anxiety worse. Why isn't this stuff as amazing or addictive as people say? The reviews from where I got it were super positive. Honestly, I feel really disappointed...

Due to this experience I'm now looking into boofing instead of smoking. I'll keep you guys updated when the syringe arrives next week.

 

[It'sNotLookingGood]

If you are trying to CTB, you must IV the heroin.
Smoking or snorting is not reliable enough.

Your body is probably aborbing around 50-55% of the heroin when smoked (assuming perfect technique, which you don't have).

Snorting, your body is probably absorbing around 60% of the heroin.

IV, 100% of the heroin will enter your bloodstream (you know, what with you actively injecting it into a vein and that).
100% of the heroin will enter you bloodstream, and all at once.

_

As an addict, please never experiment with taking heroin again.

If you continue smoking it, you will begin to like it. It is impossible not to. You are literally flooding your brain with dopamine.

Flush the heroin down the toilet now, or you will, eventually, regret not doing so.
Be this in months, or years.


If this is really your chosen method to CTB, rebuy the heroin when it is your time to go.

Practice IVing without the heroin.


Please drop me a message if you disagree with anything I've said here, I would like to talk with you about it

Sending strength and love <3

 

[genoke]

Benzos will slow down the heart but they specifically replaced barbiturates with benzos because they don't kill people. Barbiturates did. There has never been a report in the news about a benzo OD. If it was possible I wouldn't be here.

 

[LittleJem]

If you continue smoking it, you will begin to like it. It is impossible not to. You are literally flooding your brain with dopamine.

I tried it once and felt so sick. I can't imagine liking it. I can't imagine it beginning to feel good - though I do believe you. How does that work? Does the nausea go away?

 

[It'sNotLookingGood]

I tried it once and felt so sick. I can't imagine liking it. I can't imagine it beginning to feel good - though I do believe you. How does that work? Does the nausea go away?

I really don't want to comment much on this, because I don't want anyone to push through any nausea and unpleasantness they experience, to continue using.

However, the more one uses, the less they experience both wanted effects and unwanted side effects.
At one point, 0.2g would have made me throw up and pass out.
Now, I could take double that, not even feel much of a high, and feel no side effects.

Your body just adapts to things.
My first cigarette was unpleasant and made me cough.
Now I can't go a day without a pack.
They don't make me cough, and they don't feel unpleasant (even though they are, of course, vile).

 

[WhatMightHaveBeen]

As an addict, I can say that if there's no euphoria, you probably have bunk with little or no product.

 

[Bubble4246]

Thank you all for your kind comments. I want you to know that I truly appreciate everything you guys share, and I've been taking all of your advice to heart. With each passing day, I feel more certain about my decision to CTB, which is why I'm so frustrated that the heroin I obtained seems to be cut, as there's been pretty much no euphoria. I'm still holding out hope that boofing might make a difference. All I want is a euphoric and peaceful end, but so far, I've been let down. I've tried smoking higher doses (highest so far 28 mg), but the experience has been equally disappointing. The only positive is how much it speeds up time, 30 minutes can feel like 10.

I've also noticed that taking promethazine about 30-45 minutes before taking the H really helps with the nausea, which is helpful, but the high itself is far from what I expected. Weed still feels more euphoric by comparison.

Whatever happens next, I'll keep you updated. I hope to obtain a syringe within a few days to try boofing. IV is not really an option for me. I tried last year but couldn't get it to work, finding a vein and so on, and I'm very afraid of needles. I also need to consider the fact that I'll be on an extremely high dose of benzos during my attempt, so I'm on a time limit before they kick in and make it impossible for me to administer the heroin. Boofing seems like it might be the best option. I could get comfortable in bed, listen to some calming music, and pass peacefully as everything hits and I fall into a deep sleep... It sounds nice.

Thank you all again. Please feel free to share any further thoughts; I read everything you guys share.

I love you all

 

[KillingPain267]

I tried it once and felt so sick. I can't imagine liking it. I can't imagine it beginning to feel good - though I do believe you. How does that work? Does the nausea go away?

I ingested crushed oxycodone pills for a month and a half and at first, taking over 40mg in a day made me nauseous and vomit. As I built tolerance, after a week and a half of daily consumption, the nausea went away. If you felt sick, you took too much. Despite the nausea, I liked it. But never use opioids daily. It took me just about 10 days to be physically dependent, and withdrawals are a HORRIBLE LITERAL HELL! I could not last more than 2 days cold turkey, and that was even with trying to numb it with alcohol. Imagine how much worse heroin gets you hooked.

 

[Bubble4246]

Got the syringe today to try boofing, but so far I've been struggling to make it work. I've only really felt it once; I think I just need more practice. The extreme discomfort of feeling like you need to go to the bathroom is really annoying and makes the technique hard to get through. I was expecting to boof, then relax in bed, but now I'll likely have discomfort while I CTB. Oh well... I just need to get this down and see if it works.

It also seems like I've built a tolerance to heroin, which is just great ugh. I'm not experiencing physical withdrawals or anything, just a tolerance. So, I'll probably take a week off and keep practicing boofing with just water and a little acid to get used to the feeling. I think the strategy regarding the heroin might be to boof as much of it as I can, and then afterwards smoke more to knock me out. Just gotta make sure I won't leak it out after I've smoked it.

Since I've done heroin multiple times now, and even built a little tolerance to it. I can finally say that it does feel nice, still not as nice as weed but whatever. I kinda pretended that I was drifting to sleep and death earlier when I smoked 55 mg throughout one hour. It was so incredibly nice... I can totally see myself falling into a deep sleep with a smile on my face during the actual attempt.

Most of my preparations for death are done. There's not much left. I feel comfort in knowing that my time is coming soon.

Thank you all again. I'll keep you updated.

 

[Bubble4246]

Just had a breakthrough! I tried boofing ketamine, and it worked wonderfully. I felt the effects within 5 minutes, and despite a low dose (50 mg), it hit hard. There was no discomfort, and my technique seems solid.

It seems like the citric acid I use to dissolve heroin is the only thing causing issues when I boof. I remember the first time I tried there was no discomfort, but later attempts were much worse - probably because I used way more acid. I'm going to try reducing the amount of acid and see if that helps. However, I'm taking a few days break from heroin now to reduce tolerance.

I'll keep you all updated.

 

[Bubble4246]

Another small update: After a few days without heroin, I decided to try boofing it again, this time using ascorbic acid (vitamin C). I must say, the discomfort is practically gone now, and I feel the effects much better since I've learned to dissolve it properly. Ascorbic acid with a bit of heat works much better than citric acid only. I tried 40 mg this time, and while the high wasn't as intense as when I smoked 18 mg before (probably due to some tolerance now), it did last around 6+ hours. It actually wasn't even nausea inducing which makes me hopeful! I can easily dose a whole gram of this stuff and get the job done now compared to smoking.

I think this might be the way for me to achieve a heroin + benzo overdose when I decide to ctb. It gives me enough time to get comfortable in bed, relax, listen to peaceful music, and spend time with my cat. I genuinely feel happy with this discovery. I'm not sure when exactly I will ctb, but right now, it feels like it could happen sometime in early October. However, I also find comfort in knowing that it doesn't have to be today - it can always wait until tomorrow, as that's an action that can't be undone.

As always, thank you for reading, and I'll continue to keep you guys updated on my journey.

 

[Bubble4246]

As time keeps moving forward, I've realized more than ever that I want to ctb. I think I've decided that this week will be my last. I'll make sure to have a nice shower, order some good food, and then go out with a well-thought-out plan. Now that I understand how to administer the heroin, I believe over a gram should be enough. Combined with a high dose of benzos, it should be painless, and I'll finally drift into the deep sleep I've longed for these past few years. I won't have to wake up and feel that sense of disappointment about facing another day. I'll update you guys with the exact details of my plan later.

I've ordered more heroin and some Xanax, which should arrive by Thursday at the latest, and that's when I'll end things. Strangely, my mood has lifted since making this decision; there's a sense of relief in knowing that I'll soon be able to rest forever, free from these endless, painful cycles of life. All that remains is to finalize some notes and leave a few things behind for the people I care about. Once that's done, I'll be ready to cross over to the other side.

Thank you all again for listening to my story. I'll keep you updated.

 

[Bubble4246]

Sorry, everyone, I haven't been keeping you updated. As planned, I have acquired the substances. However, the past few days have been a roller coaster. Explaining everything here again is too much effort, but the TL;DR is that it got leaked that I was planning to CTB this week, and I got ambushed by four of my friends early in the morning. I was awake for almost 35 hours and had to talk to them for a long time about everything that's been going on.

If that was all, it would have been fine, but now I'm being accused of SA, which is just wonderful. Even my ex of four years has come to my defense, saying there's no way I would do something like that, and anyone who truly knows me has instantly supported me as well. I know I'm not giving much information here, but it's just been a lot, and I've reiterated the story to a lot of different people.

Anyway, the above isn't really relevant to the actual thread here. The CTB plan for this week is canceled, as I was forced to promise my friends that I would stick around this week and hang out with them. One of my other friend's birthday is next week, so it would be horrible of me to go then too. So, I guess I'm stuck here for another 1.5 to 2 weeks, sadly.

In the meantime, I'll keep using heroin maybe every other day to get used to the feeling of opioids and reduce the negative side effects (yes, this works and has been working!). My time is approaching, I know it. I have this extreme sense of relief and have felt it for a while now. I just know that I'm ready to go, but I'm forced to stay a little longer. But in the end, that's okay. CTB shouldn't be something you do on impulse; it should be something you've fully come to terms with, and it's okay for it to take time. In the meantime, I'll make a proper suicide plan, figuring out how I'm going to dose the benzos throughout the day, and I'll keep taking the heroin to get more "accustomed," I guess, to the feeling. I'll of course keep you guys updated on everything regarding these plans when I figure them out.

Thank you all for listening, and as always, I'll keep you updated with whatever happens.

 

[Bubble4246]

I'm still here, everyone. I'm just taking my time, spending more moments with friends, and making sure to give all the love I can before my time comes. Initially, I planned to write one letter dedicated to everyone (excluding my relationships, they got a letter each), as I didn't want anyone to feel more prioritized than the others. However, I realize now that this approach doesn't reflect who I truly am. I want to be defined by the love I carry in my heart, and I still have so much left to give to those I care about deeply. I've had this epiphany over the past week.

I've decided to write personalized, heartfelt letters to these people. I love them dearly and want them to know, even long after I'm gone. Sadly, I won't be able to see their reactions or the outcomes in their future, but I want to ensure that everything is said. I'd rather say one word too many than one word too few, especially when it comes to expressing care and affection. I'd rather tell them I love them one time too often than one time too little. In the end, they won't hear this from me again, and I reflect on that deeply. Suffice it to say, I've been busy writing these letters. CTB is final, and there's no going back. I won't leave any stone unturned.

Regarding the heroin, I've been using every other day. Still no signs of addiction, and I'm feeling underwhelmed by the experience. Hopefully, with more usage, I'll start to like it more. I'm confident that 1g will be enough to CTB, so I feel relieved. In the end, it's all about my body adapting to the substance so I can finish the job without much hassle and leave in a euphoric state. I wish my brain were wired to have an addictive personality. It feels like my guardian angel blessed me with this opioid-resistant brain, or most likely I just have the most impure heroin in the world. It's truly unfortunate. Some would call this a blessing; I call it a curse.

Thank you all again for reading, like usual I'll keep you guys updated