Today I was completely ready to just ditch my family and drive home. I had planned to stay till the 26th but I just can't.
All of our modern holidays are completely pointless and devoid of anything approaching interesting, heartwarming or spiritual. They're just an excuse for corporations to milk the populace for an extra 5% after already sucking them dry for 11 months straight.
I never had any connection with anyone in my family. Now that I'm an adult, I can easily go into autopilot when I'm around them during holidays and act like everything's fine and cool, though deep down I can't stand it. I don't feel safe telling any of them anything about what's really going on in my life, and I feel inauthentic pretending to even be one of them when I never even felt properly accepted to begin with.
I have been surviving at my parent's but tomorrow we're going to go visit three different sides of my family all in one day, and I absolutely cannot do it. I don't know what I'm going to do. I cannot take the comments about my weight, my appearance, and my diet. I cannot take the completely dumb banal pointless questions about my career which is going absolutely nowhere. This is all people seem to be able to do when it comes to small talk, is to ask me about work or to comment on my weight, appearance or dietary choices, because anyone attempting to seriously better their health with diet is apparently a freak deserving of ridicule.