How am I supposed to feel about serving my country?

[desertplant]

I am a Korean who was born in SEA, and I feel extremely anxious and pressured about my future.

I couldn't get along well with Koreans ever since I was a kid. I find it difficult to have any common interests with them.

What worries me the most are the Korean seniors. I don't speak Korean very well, and sometimes my sentences come across as rude to seniors. It's those minor grammar mistakes that aren't formal enough when you're speaking with your seniors. Some of my Korean teachers scolded me and shamed me infront of the entire classroom because I phrased my sentence wrongly, and despite being genuinely confused, they never told me what the mistake was.

All these while, I didn't believe this would be a problem because I was planning to study in the UK or Australia, but my parents are unable to fund me unless I get a huge scholarship. So there is a good chance that I will have to return to my country and undergo national service.

Studying in Korea is going to be difficult. I'll have to learn a lot of terminologies again for Maths and Physics because I can't even solve Korean middle school questions as I can't understand the terms they are using.

I find this situation unfair and disadvantaged. All my friends and even my younger sister can graduate and start working in 3~4 years, while I'll have to study and serve the country for 5.5 years. I don't even plan to live in Korea after my studies, and I'm extremely anxious about getting bullied or getting injured in the military. South Korea's military is notorious for hiding any accidents or bullying cases, and they will find ways to avoid any compensation even if they are caught by the media. I'm mad that I need to serve a country that actively avoids any responsibilities of their soldiers. I can live with having no friends in university but I really don't know how I should prepare my mind for undergoing national service.

My parents doesn't seem to understand what I am mad and anxious about. I really want to return to SEA after I finish my studies but they complain that I won't get paid well and I should just live in Korea. Korea's unemployment, housing market and birth rates are so bad right now, I feel like I will have no future living there. The cultural and language barriers really hit me hard, and I'm worried about my intern in the future. My mom says that military is just as difficult as working in society and I shouldn't be overreacting. She also says that I should be happy for getting paid while I serve the country and hearing all these pisses me off so much. It's not about the money. I could be investing that time for my future instead, and I could have taken a double degree instead. Just to be clear, I would 100% serve my country if I wanted to settle down there.

I know this is nothing compared to what most of you guys go through. Sorry for posting this.

But I would really like to know how you would tell yourself to deal with this feeling of unfairness. Not just limited to this context, but in general as well. I stress myself too much over situations like this when I already know that the world is unfair.

 

[Hvergelmir]

I'm extremely anxious about getting bullied or getting injured in the military.

I don't know how Korea works, but I think most militaries have mental tests/interviews. If you don't want to serve, it might be possible make yourself undesirable with an unhinged, immature and borderline dangerous mind set?

 

[desertplant]

I don't know how Korea works, but I think most militaries have mental tests/interviews. If you don't want to serve, it might be possible make yourself undesirable with an unhinged, immature and borderline dangerous mind set?

I need at least 6 months of therapy session & medication to be considered for exemption. I don't have that, and even if I have it, it's most likely gonna get rejected. There are people who get into massive arguments with the interviewers about this and yet they are still sent to NS. A few of these people had CTB in the military and nothing has changed.

People try all sort of things to avoid NS and I've seen it. It's impossible unless your relatives have some connection with the Ministry of National Defence.

I think the best thing I can do is accept my fate and try to fix my mindset about all these unfairness and fix my anxiety. Idk, I really feel like I'll CTB in the military if I can't handle it and it's scaring me. I'll be in an environment where I can actually CTB impulsively and I hate the idea of that. I wish I could tell myself to stop thinking about all these and deal with it, but idk how. I'm just wishing my mental health will improve by then.

 

[Hvergelmir]

...at least 6 months of therapy session & medication to be considered for exemption.

There's a big difference between exemption and rejection. If you appear lazy, incompetent, delusional, and dangerous, I would assume that they simply wouldn't want you.
But I don't know. Maybe they just put extra effort into disciplining such individuals.

I think the best thing I can do is accept my fate and try to fix my mindset about all these unfairness and fix my anxiety.

That's another approach. The military is doing an important job, and there are lots of different roles within the organization.
I would guess that your interests and aptitudes would be taken into account during those 5.5 years. The entire thing could even become a positive and valuable experience(?).

I knew someone in my country who were a flight mechanic during his military service. He gained a bunch of technical knowledge in relative comfort and safety, and had very little to do with actual combat. That's just one of many roles, far away from what's normally associated with a soldier.

Wherever you end up I'm sure that there'll be at least something valuable to learn.

 

[desertplant]

... account during those 5.5 years.

Sorry, my phrasing was bad. I'm spending 4 years in university and 1.5 years in military in Korea. I won't be serving my country for 5.5 years so it wont be as bad as you thought. I'm planning to study until 3rd year and go for NS before I graduate.

Wherever you end up I'm sure that there'll be at least something valuable to learn.

Yeah I hope there will be something valuable to learn. I think its a matter of whether I open up to it or not. All I can hope for is that I'll find a way to adapt to the Korean society during my first few years in university. Knowing that this is not gonna be easy changes my mind all the time.. I feel like I'm caught between trying and giving up entirely.

Anyways Thanks. I think my mind cleared up a bit. I should try to think about what I can gain from this instead of focusing on what I'm losing. There's no point focusing on what I'm losing when nothing is fair to begin with.

 

[Leiot]

Anyways Thanks. I think my mind cleared up a bit. I should try to think about what I can gain from this instead of focusing on what I'm losing. There's no point focusing on what I'm losing when nothing is fair to begin with.

This is going to sound mean but fair isn't part of the equation. Just because someone else has something doesn't mean you're entitled to the same thing. That's just the way the world is. But you sound like you understand - you have to take what you've been given (or not given) and run with it.

Have you exhausted every option for financial support for school? You mentioned studying in the UK or Australia; would another country be an option? If serving in the military is your only real option then that's what you have to work with. If you somehow get classified as not being able to serve then what does that get you? I don't know, you have to answer that.

 

[desertplant]

Just because someone else has something doesn't mean you're entitled to the same thing.

Yeah I think I needed this. Sucks but I'll have to accept it and move on.

I'm not eligible for any financial support or sponsorships as far as I know. I may be able to apply for financial support for school dormitory, but not for tuition fees.

would another country be an option?

I've considered Germany but the cost and the duration of the transfer programs are too high. I'll have to learn German Language for about 1.5~2 years before I apply to universities, and a lot of international students seem to struggle with their studies and graduation since the classes are thought in German Language.

I've been looking into Singapore and Japan as well. I'm trying to apply to Singapore but again, I'll have to rely on scholarship.

For Japan, the school fees are not as bad as other countries and my parents might be able to fund it. I'll have to learn Japanese for 6 months ~ 1 years after I get accepted so it's better than Germany. The thing is, my exams finished after their admission period ended, so I can only apply for 2026, and my parents despise Japan so I'll have to find a way to convince them.

If you somehow get classified as not being able to serve then what does that get you?

If I managed to get exempted, nothing will happen.
If I get kicked out, employers will know and finding any internship/job will be difficult. It's extremely difficult to get kicked out from the military unless you commit a serious crime/sabotage. I don't really like the idea of disturbing others for my sake, so I'm not considering this. There is a risk of getting jailed as well.