Help How am I supposed to recover when I can't stand the pain? Loss of a pet

[beyondbreath]

This thread and my return to this site is triggered by the loss of one of my cats yesterday. I'm a bit unwell at the moment, exhausted headache so please forgive any weirdness typos etc. I lost one cat about two years ago, that was my very first loss of a pet as an adult so was extremely painful. Was from cancer and he was fairly young to die (10). Yesterday, my 17 year old cat had to be put down as it turns out she had a chronic illness that treating it would not be great considering her age and comorbid conditions and she was in crisis so I had to make the horrible decision to put her down. I am so fucking shattered. I still have one cat, and I love her but my heart is just broken so painfully.



All of this is happening on the background of 15+ years of serious mental health issues starting when I was 12. And I did therapy and meds and everything people said I should do and shit still fucking sucks. I try so damn hard every day and every day I feel like a worthless, useless parasite on this planet with no purpose. Without my cats I feel even more worthless, and I love the girl I have right now but my pain is so fucking deep with the loss of my 17 yr old girl yesterday.


Despite feeling like a literal sack of human trash I'm posting in recovery because I don't want to leave my cat because I don't trust others to take care of her. I also believe in Hinduism and really fear being reincarnated and having to relive this pain all over again (in Hinduism if you commit suicide it's a big deal and can result in a bad reincarnation). But this PAIN you guys. I can't stand this pain. This suffering. And I feel utterly worthless as a person, and I hate to say it because it's not who I was and who I want to be but I'm starting to see other people as worthless too and I just don't know what to do. I'm so unhappy. I am so grateful for everything I have and I try to practice active daily gratitude. But I can't pretend that underneath it all, I'm happy. Because I'm not.

 

[Lady_V]

I am so, so sorry you're dealing with a loss of a pet. They are more than pets, especially to the mentally ill. They are true companions we rely on as we make our way through life. I originally found sasu after trying to cope with the loss of my dog that died in a car accident I caused. I still cry about it daily. My cat is also the main reason I am still here and will not give up yet. Give your girl extra pets and, honestly, talk to her about it. It might feel a little silly, but she's your friend in this life, and she can tell you're distraught.

 

[beyondbreath]

I am so, so sorry you're dealing with a loss of a pet. They are more than pets, especially to the mentally ill. They are true companions we rely on as we make our way through life. I originally found sasu after trying to cope with the loss of my dog that died in a car accident I caused. I still cry about it daily. My cat is also the main reason I am still here and will not give up yet. Give your girl extra pets and, honestly, talk to her about it. It might feel a little silly, but she's your friend in this life, and she can tell you're distraught.

I am so so sorry to hear about your tragic loss. And I'm devastated to hear you still cry each day about it. I wish all of us who understood this deep pain of losing our pets - part of our families - could just come together and have a massive group hug/crying session. I know that's cheesy af but I'm cheesy af.

 

[BradGuy123]

My cat was 17 years old when I lost him. I had to have him put down too. The vet said there was nothing that can be done for him. I know what you're going through. Pets are like members of the family. It hurts so much when we lose them. Your cat was lucky to have you as an owner. I can tell you cared about her a lot by what you wrote in your post. I'm very sorry for your loss. Sending you a virtual hug.

 

[katara]

The 2nd paragraph hit me hard, feeling worthless is the worst
I don't know much about Hinduism but I think Buddhism has a similar view on suicide. That's why I'm thinking about dying in a more natural way so nothing bad will happen to me. I'm honestly just scared of the whole concept of dying and I don't know why. If you ever want to chat feel free to message me or leave a comment on my profile. I'm sorry ur suffering so much, all I can do is offer to chat with you and maybe we could talk about our issues and offer each other advice of some kind.