Discussion How Being Suicidal Has Informed My Life Philosophy; What's your philosophy?

[GreenMarsh]

Hello forum,

It's been forever since I posted, and I suppose the recent gloom of the election has inspired me to write about my life philosophy on this website. This got me curious to ask, what are your views in life?

I would describe myself as someone who's dreamful, and in regards to their dreams, uncompromising.

From a very young age, I dreamed of riches. Riches so vast and endless that I would functionally be able to treat the world as my own sandbox; a place where I can live as I see fit - with no limitations - a world were my avarice could be satiated with a thought and a purchase, and my desire to see the world be put to action whenever I deem myself fit to travel.

This ambitious dream of mine was never meant to be, however. Life isn't fair, some are born with everything, some are born with nothing. Some earn everything, some lose it suddenly. I'm not exactly sure where I fall, or where I went wrong, but what I do know is that this dream of mine can never be. It was destined to be forever fleeting, endlessly alluring.

From the moment I had realized this, I confronted myself with a question: "If not for my dream, what should I live for? If it's impossible to live as I see fit, why should I live at all?"

The answer came to me immediately: "I shouldn't live, because there is nothing to gain from it."

But this begged another question: "Is death any better?"

The answer came to me immediately once more: "I don't know."

But that's the thing, I don't know. You know what I DO know? That for as long as I live, my dream shall never come to pass, but if I die....I don't know.

Which is to say, there's an unknown possibility, and thus, a chance!

To not know something is to be at the precipice of a discovery, and thus, I begun to view death not as my end, but as my second chance!

In this way, I have solidified my conviction. In the same way that one perseveres in life because they believe that through that perseverance their dream, their "purpose", will come to pass, I persevere in my conviction to take my own life one day, because it is through this uncertain gambit which I stake the possibility of finding my ideal life, and fulfilling my dream.

As for the possibility of failure - that is, the possibility that whatever lies after death is just as unfulfilling as my current life - I am not stressing about it. Why? Because I simply don't know if that's true or not.

It might sound confusing to some of you, so I will explain my thoughts in this sentence I've coined: "I do not fear the unknown, because ignorance is bliss. I fear what I know, because truth is uncontestable. May I find bliss in truth someday."

For now, I will continue living as I see fit, until the day I can no longer do so!

 

[Agon321]

We have somewhat similar views on this subject.

I will achieve nothing in this world and nothing good awaits me here. My needs will never be 100% satisfied, so I will always lack something.
The pros and cons are that death awaits at the end of the road. Death is enigmatic and no one knows what happens when our current body dies.

But at this point we are a bit different.
Of course, death is a chance for better opportunities, but there is also a threat that something worse awaits... or there is nothingness.
Death is a gamble in a sense, but the problem is that our entire life, experience and everything we know are at stake. That's what I'm afraid of.

I hope that death will not disappoint me, but on the other hand, the world does not give me clear reasons to expect a better fate than this one.

 

[GreenMarsh]

We have somewhat similar views on this subject.

I will achieve nothing in this world and nothing good awaits me here. My needs will never be 100% satisfied, so I will always lack something.
The pros and cons are that death awaits at the end of the road. Death is enigmatic and no one knows what happens when our current body dies.

But at this point we are a bit different.
Of course, death is a chance for better opportunities, but there is also a threat that something worse awaits... or there is nothingness.
Death is a gamble in a sense, but the problem is that our entire life, experience and everything we know are at stake. That's what I'm afraid of.

I hope that death will not disappoint me, but on the other hand, the world does not give me clear reasons to expect a better fate than this one.

You raise interesting points,

I guess I've always been a bit of a betting man.

However, death is a bet that is made for us at a point, it's not as though anyone has ever chosen to live forever, yea?

What I'm trying to convey is that this "bet" made with death is one that will be made for me regardless, even IF i somehow manage to become obscenely rich over night.

When I think about that fact, suddenly it feels more like I'm ripping off a band aid and gritting my teeth through it. Hehe, if anything, I have it easy. I'll die regardless, thus achieving my goal, but people who love their life and don't want it to end don't get the luxury to think the way I do. In many ways, I've turned my misfortune into a kind of ultimate acceptance

 

[Agon321]

You raise interesting points,

I guess I've always been a bit of a betting man.

However, death is a bet that is made for us at a point, it's not as though anyone has ever chosen to live forever, yea?

What I'm trying to convey is that this "bet" made with death is one that will be made for me regardless, even IF i somehow manage to become obscenely rich over night.

When I think about that fact, suddenly it feels more like I'm ripping off a band aid and gritting my teeth through it. Hehe, if anything, I have it easy. I'll die regardless, thus achieving my goal, but people who love their life and don't want it to end don't get the luxury to think the way I do. In many ways, I've turned my misfortune into a kind of ultimate acceptance

Yes, it is of course true that death will knock on the door of every person ;).
But unfortunately it is hard for me to take the last step and take my own life. Fear of the unknown paralyzes me and various very unpleasant potential scenarios are created in my head.

Death will come to me sooner or later, but the question is, do I have the energy and strength to wait for it? Especially since the world has a specific sense of humor and can prepare a more unpleasant death for me.
CTB gives the illusion of choice.

I do not believe in Gods (in particular, I am not a supporter of the great religions of this world), but I am closer to an agnostic than an atheist.
I want to believe that this world has some greater purpose and possibilities, but the question is, does the Universe want what I want? I sincerely doubt it.

For now, I am still alive, but I am balancing on a thin line.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

The philosophy that I follow is that it's better to never have been for me and that an earlier death is better than a later death for me. This is just what I believe in of course and nobody else has to believe in the same thing unless if they believe so due to their own conclusions and outlook on life

 

[chester]

When I read things like "death is a mystery" and "nobody knows what happens when body dies" it makes me think back to some experience in my life which i believe is the closest to being dead. No, I'm not talking about an NDE, because NDEs are about dying, not about actually being dead.

Two words: general anesthesia. I had 2 surgeries in my life. General anesthesia isn't like sleep. When you sleep, you might dream, you might not be aware of what's going on, you might not even remember your dreams, but you're there. When you wake up, you have a feeling that some time has passed. When you're under general anesthesia, you disappear. It's like somebody cut out a piece of my life and glued the timeline together. It felt like I was back instantly after I was out. The only indication of the time that passed was that it was already evening, and the surgery began in the morning.

That's how I imagine being dead. Except for the waking up part. Why? Because general anesthesia inhibits the processes in the brain responsible for consciousness. If none of your brain is working (i.e. you're dead), then these parts won't be working either. I can't tell you what it felt like because I wasn't there to experience it. I was gone. My body was alive, but the "person" function had been switched off for that time.

Some might argue that this doesn't mean shit because it wasn't genuine death. Fair point. I just haven't encountered any argument which would convince me, that it's more likely that we're more than merely bodies. At least not yet. I'm not saying I have a way to disprove it, I just have no reason to believe otherwise.