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Pg.964

Pg.964

Lifeless
Jul 27, 2023
91
I have no idea how to even begin to climb out of this filthy hole I dug for myself. There are so many things I need/want to do but I can't because my brain can't feel joy from things anymore. The joy of a dream or a hobby doesn't feel much different than just working a shitty retail job. I can't understand what part of my brain melted off to the point that I just operate as a lobotomized husk.
The meds and therapy aren't doing it and I'm starting to think it's my fault.
 
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Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
11,304
It isn't your fault. No one wants to feel like this. Is it the thought that everything is the same or- are you actually doing a job and finding it just as horrible as doing your hobbies? I think it's tricky to motivate yourself when you don't have hope. I think for me- I'm actually pushing myself to get another wage slave job because the alternative- of relying on my parents- feels worse.

In some ways I think life is about contrast. We don't really appreciate things until we have to do worse things! Kind of depressing in itself. Still- I think some jobs just make us so miserable that there isn't any energy left for anything but recovering before you have to do it all again! I worked in retail for 10 years and I agree- it feels like your soul is being sucked out. I'm sorry.
 
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Pg.964

Pg.964

Lifeless
Jul 27, 2023
91
It isn't your fault. No one wants to feel like this. Is it the thought that everything is the same or- are you actually doing a job and finding it just as horrible as doing your hobbies? I think it's tricky to motivate yourself when you don't have hope. I think for me- I'm actually pushing myself to get another wage slave job because the alternative- of relying on my parents- feels worse.

In some ways I think life is about contrast. We don't really appreciate things until we have to do worse things! Kind of depressing in itself. Still- I think some jobs just make us so miserable that there isn't any energy left for anything but recovering before you have to do it all again! I worked in retail for 10 years and I agree- it feels like your soul is being sucked out. I'm sorry.
Yeah I think my issue is I have little contrast in my emotions (I have a really small emotional range for happiness) so good things don't make me feel anything and great things feel like a small relief. On the other hand I can feel negative emotions like a mf, so I mainly have two default settings: numb, or agonized. I wish I had more control over these things 🤧
 
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