NSFW how did depression affect you

[BlueberrySylv]

this is more or less just an insight of how did depression affected each one of us.
mainly I'm just curious, that how did this affect your:

motivation, your sexual desires, your idea of future seeing, the way you think about certain things, the way you interact with people. and anything else that I have forgotten to put here

for me personally:
i practically have stopped even bothering to think about the future. the future for me is nonexistent and I don't even see any future. I can't even see myself in the future for any reason. if I do it's rather just a daydream. a fake story that I would say is a good "future" nothing realistic for myself.
not sure about my sexual desires though.... it's been going up and down I suppose. sometimes I really even hate the idea of anything sexual and some other days I kinda crave it.
I think the way I interact with people has changed drastically, I usually was very optimistic and tried to get with anyone and talked to people a ton whenever I had the chance, if the awkward silent sat I would try my best to remove that, but after all this...stuff, it feels like whatever happens happens. I try to talk to people who talk to me but to approach and try my best is not true. and now often I just see the "bad side" of people rather than their "good side" if it makes sense.
but generally speaking I just feel it has made me way more lazy. cause at the end of the story. it doesn't matter right. it's just all gonna "end". soon

 

[ILikeJollybee]

Before depression I was incredibly active, would play a lot of video games, watch a lot of shows, engaged in my hobbies such as drawing and did well in my studies. Now I'm just lazy and lie around all day on my phone since I have no motivation to do anything, I'm starting to become stupider and I don't really do anything productive. I don't have any sexual desires since anything sex related makes me incredibly uncomfortable, the aspect of losing my virginity sounds horrible for some reason.
I've become a lot more cynical and nothing makes me happy anymore, I'm mostly numb,angry or sad. I can't really socialize anymore since I suck at it, it's incredibly draining and I don't feel any sort of genuine connection when I do it. I feel like most people think I'm boring or are bothered with my presence, I don't think anyone enjoys hanging out with me at all and I think they're sick of me.
I would like to improve someday and return to my old self but I don't think it's possible, I can't really imagine anything to fix this and I can't really receive help. Death seems to be the only way out of my misery.

 

[SoulWhisperer]

I too no longer see a future in me. Just a faint hope that seems like a joke more than anything. I wish I could just CTB because I frankly don't care about anything and anyone in my irl anymore. They don't care about me so why should I?

Depression made me think "whatever" when I think about my future. Whatever happens happens as long as I can get to put the word "End" to this shitshow of life. My sexual life is nonexistent and I don't feel bad about it because I am suicidal.

Whatever happens in my life, doesn't matter. I already inspected everything I could and determined I'm not interested in this "life" anymore.

Although while I'm still alive with no way to CTB I just like to talk to people I guess... (Online of course, irl if I talk I'll be destroyed even worse)

 

[KillingPain267]

Future? Is that a new show on Netflix? Never heard of it.

 

[Peace2peace]

It made me disabled

 

[Forveleth]

I have Persistent Depressive Disorder with bouts of Double Depression (yay me!) and the biggest effect is has had on me is my overall growth as a person due to being tired all the damn time. I have spent decades having very few hobbies or doing nothing when I come home from work as I was just too drained from my day to be active. You add up the 2 hours/day over the course of 20-ish years and I could have to many talents, skills, so much more knowledge. I could maybe even be half way through my Steam library!

So, time I guess. Depression has stolen time from me.

 

[death_bed221]

I think It destroyed me completely. I am like a shell of a human.

 

[Lost Magic]

I have had depression and anxiety since I was a kid. It got worse through time because of society and being trapped in a human body. I take prozac, but it just makes me numb. Night time and sleep is a good distraction but even that is not enough anymore. It's just a matter of time before I give up. But that's a good thing because I am physically and emotionally burnt out!

 

[atrophy]

Depression affected my functioning.

I developed an eating disorder (anorexia nervosa) because of body dysmorphia along with this mood disorder making me physically unhealthy with a very low BMI.

I couldn't even do day to day activities, I usually lay in the bed all day. I struggled to even brush my teeth or take a bath.

I developed a distrust in people, I'm socially isolated and introverted. I cannot hold a conversation because I think they already hate me after talking to me, self sabotage.

All my relationships (platonic and romantic) have been rocky because of my struggles basically isolating me.

It affects my academics and I have recurring suicidal ideations which makes me miserable.

 

[sximii]

Terribly (I'll be speaking in past tense because this is how it was before I started my meds). I had catatonic episodes. Basically disabled, because if I left the house I got so physically and mentally exhausted I would become unresponsive (depended though, I could leave like maybe once a week). I had to switch to online school. Tiniest things (like taking a shower for example) exhausted me entirely mentally so much I'd go into unresponsive states of just staring into space. Because of this personal hygiene was extremely difficult, I cleaned myself really rarely, I could spend even 2 weeks wearing and sleeping in the same clothes. It was fucking awful. And this is just half of it. I was self harming so much that I couldn't be left alone in a room, I couldn't close the door to the bathroom. Only a few months ago I can finally start to sleep by myself (I'm 18 for context). After starting meds it started gradually getting better, 2 years ago I returned to school and I can now do basic functions, like socialise, take care of myself, basically be a functioning individual. I haven't been in a psychiatric unit for over a year, my family is getting less paranoid. It's still a big issue though, I basically survive on meds. If I skip 2 days I go back into that same pit I was in before.

 

[Namelesa]

Depression has decreased my motivation and want to do a lot of things. Things feel more repetitive and boring to me and I have less energy to do things. Its made me have less self-worth and makes it harder to do daily things. It has lessened my sense of hope as I feel like I am trapped here to suffer and I won't be able to escape it whether through recovery or suicide (cus I can't access any effective methods.) It has made me feel like a burden sometimes as I can negatively effect people with my depressing emotions. In terms of sexual desires, I think depression has increased it as a way of coping. I often masturbate when I am feeling down to feel better.

 

[RandomMacBeth]

this is more or less just an insight of how did depression affected each one of us.
mainly I'm just curious, that how did this affect your:

motivation, your sexual desires, your idea of future seeing, the way you think about certain things, the way you interact with people. and anything else that I have forgotten to put here

for me personally:
i practically have stopped even bothering to think about the future. the future for me is nonexistent and I don't even see any future. I can't even see myself in the future for any reason. if I do it's rather just a daydream. a fake story that I would say is a good "future" nothing realistic for myself.
not sure about my sexual desires though.... it's been going up and down I suppose. sometimes I really even hate the idea of anything sexual and some other days I kinda crave it.
I think the way I interact with people has changed drastically, I usually was very optimistic and tried to get with anyone and talked to people a ton whenever I had the chance, if the awkward silent sat I would try my best to remove that, but after all this...stuff, it feels like whatever happens happens. I try to talk to people who talk to me but to approach and try my best is not true. and now often I just see the "bad side" of people rather than their "good side" if it makes sense.
but generally speaking I just feel it has made me way more lazy. cause at the end of the story. it doesn't matter right. it's just all gonna "end". soon

Wtf you described me, when i saw your thread i was thinking in a reply, but you already said it all.

 

[zilk]

I've been feeling deeply apathetic and nihilistic about everything. As you mentioned, if it's all going to end one day whats the point anyway?, it's hard to find meaning or motivation. This has stripped me of so much—basic things like hygiene, getting out of bed, and maintaining any routine feels impossible. I've also cut ties with a lot of people, leaving me feeling extremely isolated and alone but i guess its my own fault.