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Help How do I beat survival instinct?

First loss

First loss

Specialist
Jan 28, 2019
393
If it wasn't for that I wouldn't be here writing this right now. I tried to hang myself twice and both times some force took control over my body and jumped off the rope. I didn't control myself. My body did that on it's own.

How do I beat it?
 
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NorthAmericanQc

NorthAmericanQc

Experienced
Feb 5, 2019
227
Booze
 
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suffering

suffering

Too p*ssy to end it, too suicidal to leave
Aug 17, 2018
398
I know what you mean. For me it was a horrifying experience, it's like I have two people inside of me: the rational one who wants to die, and some demon who wants to survive no matter what. I am too afraid to try again, and although I used to take pride in being a good, brave and rational person, I will let the demon win, it's not like I have a choice anyway. My only victory is life is a philosophical one, I'll take what I can get.
I'm sorry I can't share anything constructive and I hope you find peace, regardless of how things will turn out.
 
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E

essbet

Member
Feb 7, 2019
39
suffering said:
it's like I have two people inside of me: the rational one who wants to die, and some demon who wants to survive no matter what
Click to expand...

Yes same for me. The demon also has a tendency to get really sentimental and show me a slideshow of my family after my death on replay, I feel so manipulated by myself...
 
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N

namelessX8

Student
Feb 22, 2019
111
can you take some stimulants/hallucinogens before the act? Something like MDMA. It makes you more impulsive in my experience. Or Ket or coke.
 
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