How do I gather to courage to slit my arm?

[Person27]

I'm 23 years old, my health insurance has run out and the only way to get onto a new one is to get a job.

I've been depressed since elementary school, I cannot work, I haven't left my house in 5+ years. My family is ashamed of me, I have no friends, no money, no car, no driver's license, my teeth are falling apart, I am obese, I do not want to be alive. I failed at every aspect of life. I don't think I ever was truly happy. I suspect I may have a mild form of autism/aspergers.

In my country, you are legally required to have health insurance. That means that right now - wether I want to or not - I am paying for insurance, building up a hugh mountain of debt.

My family cannot/does not want to pay, my mom threatened to kick me out. I well and truly want to die, and now I have a time limit too, before the debz collector comes.

So, how do I do it? How do I bring myself to do it?

 

[MetroPunk]

I just got finished learning that the cutting method is basically a no go. That was my plan up until a few hours ago when someone else on this site explained why it is most likely to be unsuccessful. They have a whole post of stuff that is supposed to work. I'm hoping something and everything turns around for you, I still have a bit of hope for myself, its hard to completely cut that out. No one really wants to die we want our shit to get better, but reality is that isn't the case for every person on Earth. The cutting though is a no go my friend. Whether you find the courage or not it is simply not a good plan.

 

[Person27]

I just got finished learning that the cutting method is basically a no go. That was my plan up until a few hours ago when someone else on this site explained why it is most likely to be unsuccessful. They have a whole post of stuff that is supposed to work. I'm hoping something and everything turns around for you, I still have a bit of hope for myself, its hard to completely cut that out. No one really wants to die we want our shit to get better, but reality is that isn't the case for every person on Earth. The cutting though is a no go my friend. Whether you find the courage or not it is simply not a good plan.

Well what the hell am I supposed to do, then? I can't buy a rope, can't buy a gun, can't buy gas or poison, don't have a car. What on earth is even left?? I have no money and I don't leave my house. I am nothing, I have nothing. What do I do?? How do I kill myself like this???

 

[needthebus]

I'm 23 years old, my health insurance has run out and the only way to get onto a new one is to get a job.

I've been depressed since elementary school, I cannot work, I haven't left my house in 5+ years. My family is ashamed of me, I have no friends, no money, no car, no driver's license, my teeth are falling apart, I am obese, I do not want to be alive. I failed at every aspect of life. I don't think I ever was truly happy. I suspect I may have a mild form of autism/aspergers.

In my country, you are legally required to have health insurance. That means that right now - wether I want to or not - I am paying for insurance, building up a hugh mountain of debt.

My family cannot/does not want to pay, my mom threatened to kick me out. I well and truly want to die, and now I have a time limit too, before the debz collector comes.

So, how do I do it? How do I bring myself to do it?

sorry things are so awful

did you apply for disability?

im so sorry, you seem nice.

also the conventional wisdom is that that method does not work

im unhappy too

sorry u r here friend

 

[MetroPunk]

Well what the hell am I supposed to do, then? I can't buy a rope, can't buy a gun, can't buy gas or poison, don't have a car. What on earth is even left?? I have no money and I don't leave my house. I am nothing, I have nothing. What do I do?? How do I kill myself like this???

Sorry for the late reply, I fell asleep. It was also my plan up until yesterday now, and I thought it was a great plan myself. We're both back to the drawing board. :( but I think we're in the best place on the internet for finding a way to be successful. I'm feeling really not good about actually giving you a specific idea, I hope neither of us do it. This is exhausting for the both of us, I'm sure. Just having to think about all of this, I mean.

I think the applying for disability idea above me is a good idea to try before committing to any CTB idea. How do you feel about it?

 

[Neowise]

So, how do I do it? How do I bring myself to do it?

I am afraid there is no final answer to that. Every method requires some form of determination that needs to be built up first. Ctb is not like gaining muscles: "if you want abs, do X 3 times a day". It's a long thought process that ends in a decision, but even this decision needs determination. If it was so easy to obtain this forum would be empty already (because everyone would have died).

As @MetroPunk already mentioned, the successrate of cutting your wrists lies between 1% and 4% I believe. Though, I also believe that the numbers are quite low because most people lack the anatomical knowledge - you need rather good anatomical knowledge to do it right. Furthermore it takes a LOT of determination since making 2 cuts along your entire forearm requires more courage than just pulling a trigger for example. The pain of doing so could quickly trigger your survival instinct. Perhaps another reason why the success rate is so low.

Of course whether you try it or not is your decision, we can't stop you. Hell, even I find myself fantisizing about cutting my wrists on a regular basis, I just love everything about that method. Who knows, maybe I'll give it a shot at some point. But you always need to bear in mind that it is a very difficult method with a low success rate.

Well what the hell am I supposed to do, then?

What about jumping off a bridge or under a truck / infront of a train? You said you don't leave your house, but you could leave it to ctb? What's stopping you?

 

[Person27]

I am afraid there is no final answer to that. Every method requires some form of determination that needs to be built up first. Ctb is not like gaining muscles: "if you want abs, do X 3 times a day". It's a long thought process that ends in a decision, but even this decision needs determination. If it was so easy to obtain this forum would be empty already (because everyone would have died).

As @MetroPunk already mentioned, the successrate of cutting your wrists lies between 1% and 4% I believe. Though, I also believe that the numbers are quite low because most people lack the anatomical knowledge - you need rather good anatomical knowledge to do it right. Furthermore it takes a LOT of determination since making 2 cuts along your entire forearm requires more courage than just pulling a trigger for example. The pain of doing so could quickly trigger your survival instinct. Perhaps another reason why the success rate is so low.

Of course whether you try it or not is your decision, we can't stop you. Hell, even I find myself fantisizing about cutting my wrists on a regular basis, I just love everything about that method. Who knows, maybe I'll give it a shot at some point. But you always need to bear in mind that it is a very difficult method with a low success rate.


What about jumping off a bridge or under a truck / infront of a train? You said you don't leave your house, but you could leave it to ctb? What's stopping you?

I saw this video:

Spoiler: TW Blood

And although unintentional, it looked quite easy there. Everyone says that because he hit a major artery, he'd be dead in a few minutes. And that was a single cut just below the elbow.

I don't want to die in public. I am deeply ashamed of what I am and what I look like. And I don't want to risk becoming another gore photo/video on some shock site.

Besides, I'm kind of insane anyway. Having a camera pointed at me is so uncomfortable that I tape shut the front camera of my phone. Being filmed in my dying moments by a stranger is a nightmare.

 

[Person27]

Sorry for the late reply, I fell asleep. It was also my plan up until yesterday now, and I thought it was a great plan myself. We're both back to the drawing board. :( but I think we're in the best place on the internet for finding a way to be successful. I'm feeling really not good about actually giving you a specific idea, I hope neither of us do it. This is exhausting for the both of us, I'm sure. Just having to think about all of this, I mean.

I think the applying for disability idea above me is a good idea to try before committing to any CTB idea. How do you feel about it?

I am not disasbled, so applying for that won't be possible. I say I can't work, but what I mean by that is that I can't be around people (social phobia), I can't wake up on time (when I was still in school, I skipped a lot on the bad days but still wrote As and Bs in test so teachers let it slip.) I can't endure an eight hour work day every single day because it is too draining. But nothing is actually physically or cognitively wrong.

Besides, doing that would mean never-ending trips to the town hall, doctor's visits, letters to the authorities... I am a complete degenerate recluse, I cannot do that. I also don't *want* to live like that. I well and truly want to die, there is nothing tethering me to this world except for my own stupid survival instincts. There is no possible future I can imagine for me where I am not miserable. Every day is a humiliation.

 

[needthebus]

I am not disasbled, so applying for that won't be possible. I say I can't work, but what I mean by that is that I can't be around people (social phobia), I can't wake up on time (when I was still in school, I skipped a lot on the bad days but still wrote As and Bs in test so teachers let it slip.) I can't endure an eight hour work day every single day because it is too draining. But nothing is actually physically or cognitively wrong.

Besides, doing that would mean never-ending trips to the town hall, doctor's visits, letters to the authorities... I am a complete degenerate recluse, I cannot do that. I also don't *want* to live like that. I well and truly want to die, there is nothing tethering me to this world except for my own stupid survival instincts. There is no possible future I can imagine for me where I am not miserable. Every day is a humiliation.

there are therapies for agoraphobia that are effective

There are treatments for being concerned about appearance.

Not being able to leave the home like that is likely a mental disability and something that isnwrong with your brain, according to how others would view it

But your situation isn't great. It's too bad your family isn't more supportive.

Hope somehow your situation improves.

 

[maniac116]

I'm sorry that you're in such a state.
Cutting will very probably do nothing more than cause you pain, get you locked in a psych ward & put another failure on your list. Best to look thru the megathreads for other methods that have a better track record.

 

[Neowise]

I saw this video:

God damn that video makes me mad. He throws a tantrum so hard he breaks things, cuts himself and immediately starts whining "Amy please! Bro why are you doing this?" Like BRO, WHY DID YOU BREAK MY WINDOW PROBABLY WITH THE INTENTION TO BEAT ME UP? And then proceed to beg for my help? What an idiot.

You're right though, it did seem somewhat easy, it was just one single cut with a lot of foce. Though, we don't know how deep the cut was and how much blood he actually lost.

But I gotta admit, I do believe the success rate of cutting is a lot higher if done right. Movies always show people cutting across the arm (left to right instead of along the forearm) so if they don't do research they simply repeat this only to find out they severed tendons and nothing more. I have no official data, but I could imagine that's how 30-50% of all attempts fail. I remember seeing a photo of someone who did cut deeply along the arm but cut right in the middle of the forearm, missing both the vein and the artery. He just cut in between them. That's another stupid mistake.

Another big portion fails due to the pain triggering the survival instinct or because the amount of blood makes people panic and call an ambulance.
If you'd eliminate these sources for failure you'd get a higher success rate. Avicii (the DJ) did it only with broken glass and succeeded.

Of course I'm not glorifying the method. It still has many sources for failure unlike jumping for example.