Help how do i get over my ex?

[goldenrods]

i broke up with him months ago after emotional abuse on both ends. we weren't good for eachother, we'd argue every night & it was very hard to be with him at those times. but we have so many good memories, and we loved eachother with every part of ourselves. when i was sad and struggling, he'd hold me close and listen to me talk and tell me it would all be okay. i would do the same for him. i loved him. i still do, very deeply and just as much as i did before we broke up. he says he still loves me he's just afraid to talk about it. afraid to admit to it. he says his new girl doesn't even come close to me.

how do i get over him? recently i started messaging him again, begging for help for my suicidal urges... the last person i reached out to help with called the police & i had to talk to social workers for 4 hours, so he's really the only one i trust now. i know it's unfair to him but i've been closer to suicide than ever. he spent hours talking to me and cheering me up, bless his heart...

i'm still so attached. even with all the horrible things that happened, even after months of separation, i love him so so much. how do i stop?

 

[Jean4]

You don't need anybody who was abusive. No offense, but the relationship appears toxic.

It is normal to feel attached after a break up. Only you can answer this. Do you want to be in a relationship with a man in a toxic relationship because this is the man you want to be with and you think he treats you well... or you only want to be with him because you are used to it, change is scary and you would rather be in a toxic relationship than be alone.

 

[goldenrods]

Whatever I am gonna say is something you probably have already tried or heard. But I'll assume you haven't and I'll say it anyways.

Both of you were definitely in love but ultimately your personalities mismatched. The incongruencies overpowered the commonalities. So first step to moving on is to accept the fact that the relationship is indeed over. The more you keep disbelieving it, the harder it will get.

Secondly, I believe that life is a procession of dreams and desires. One wish is replaced by another. Now that it's been months, are you trying to find a new partner, it's always possible to find someone even better than the ex, a healthier relationship with no form of emotional abuse. If you find such a person, your old memories will disappear soon.

Thirdly, how do you spend your free time? It's best to try to be as active and occupied with various things as possible. Keeping the mind busy distracts it from what you are habituated to think about. Do whatever interests you - hobby, music, movies, volunteering, socializing, whatever suits your personality.

Lastly, sharing grief reduces it. I thank you for sharing with us what you are going through. You'll find some other people who went through the same. You get to learn from them. You get to see so many good people in here who care about you and empathise with you and support you in all your choices.

I hope you get what you want. Best wishes.

i met somebody else, multiple people are flirting with me, but all i can think is "they're not him." i was very, very deeply in love and the relationship was long term. we had been best friends for years before then, and dated for about a year & 3/4s. he helped me recover from addiction, seek mental help, etc and i did the same for him. it was very loving & supportive but very quickly turned codependent & hurtful.

my free time is spent at work & then coming home. i don't have much of a social life. i draw occasionally. i dont have many friends that i spend time with in person, so really work is the only distraction & even that... i have so much free time that it really isn't a distraction (i do home care, it's just me & a old lady with dementia who doesn't talk - i make sure she's clean, take her to the bathroom, get meds, get her food etc. and that's all - a 6 hour shift is really just 2 hours of work and 4 hours of doing my own thing)

You don't need anybody who was abusive. No offense, but the relationship appears toxic.

It is normal to feel attached after a break up. Only you can answer this. Do you want to be in a relationship with a man in a toxic relationship because this is the man you want to be with and you think he treats you well... or you only want to be with him because you are used to it, change is scary and you would rather be in a toxic relationship than be alone.

he treated me well, it was really only half horrible. we'd have days where everything was perfect, absolutely no issues, and then nights where we'd argue and take 'breaks' for space. the highs were very high - we loved eachother and lifted eachother up - but the lows were so low. we would tear eachother down. it wasn't exclusively his fault - i know i wasn't exactly the best either.

now what we're separate he tells me he wish he knew what he knew now, that he'd take it all back & go back in time to fix things if he could. and i feel the same. it's just so confusing. i really really miss him. i really really love him.

 

[Morphinekiss]

Codependcy is an addiction in itself. You replaced the drugs, alcohol, etc with your love for each other. Now you need to detox from him. Stop communicating with him would be the best. Once you no longer view him as an option, it will be easier to move forward. It will hurt like hell, but it will be worth it.

 

[goldenrods]

Codependcy is an addiction in itself. You replaced the drugs, alcohol, etc with your love for each other. Now you need to detox from him. Stop communicating with him would be the best. Once you no longer view him as an option, it will be easier to move forward. It will hurt like hell, but it will be worth it.

it's so hard. i've lived through family members suicides, cocaine overdoses, csa, trauma, abuse, mental illnesses... but losing him was the worst thing. codependency really is an addiction in itself. thank you

 

[Final Escape]

I have been journaling daily and often it's about my recent heartbreak lately over a guy I had a approx 8 month fuckbuddy type relationship. I write about three pages if not more. I try to get all the feelings and thoughts out with each session. It's helping me process the pain and get clarity to be able to end the situation. I was struggling to end it but journaling helped me get clarity. So once I got the pain out for the day, I was able to get on with my day. Expect lots of crying. It's inevitable when u journal out painful feelings. Journaling will make the process faster, u have to do it daily or most days of the week to start to see results. In a month or two u will be starting to solve problems that have been just sitting there that u have not been able to fix because u feel stuck. You can expect journaling not to feel easy at first and will feel uncomfortable. It takes a bit before u are writing pages and pages effortlessly.