How do I get rid of fear?

[itwasallascream]

I want to ctb and have my sn but keep backing our because I'm afraid. My life is so miserable and I am completely alone. I have no future and my past is full of pain and chaos. Why am I afraid to leave and how can I get over this and just leave?

 

[Andrew10]

I'm going to speak to you from my own experience because I think we are in similar positions. Let me warn you that if you have fear or something that stops you, PLEASE DO NOT DO IT YET, First you need to have enough will to want to end it all without any fear around and an available method, on the other hand, there will be risks of ending up permanently damaged. A part of you probably or an unknown feeling prevents you from achieving your peace and can interfere with your CTB leaving horrible consequences on your body. 2 years ago I was ready to say goodbye, I chose inert gas and I spent some time with that feeling that blocked me from CTB, but finally I decided to do it, in the middle of the process, that feeling kick in, made me self-sabotage the method and as a consequence of that, I was 3 days with an extreme headache without being able to even move and my vision was permanently damaged. It felt horrible but I consider myself lucky to have been left like this, it is a thousand times better than having ended up in vegetable

This is not something that you can easily get rid of, it is an obstacle that you must overcome and defeat, it is like a final boss for your gift that is peace. Probably desperation takes you to that point and you are desperately looking for how to get rid of it, but most likely you will not be able to do it quickly, you need a great time of reflection to be able to defeat it or face it, think deeply about your decision, accept that you are going to leave your entire existence, memories and moments forever and take that into account all the events that happened in your life to take you to that point and in the end you will have the conclusion that it is really worth doing this, all this can slowly prepare you and gain courage against that fear or that feeling to be able to make the decision of whether you are going to CTB or not. Even after that failed attempt I am still going through the same process and I see this as an obstacle that I plan to overcome at all costs.

This is the only advice I can give you, unfortunately you will need time to get rid of this, a lot or a little? Who knows, but keep in mind that this is the safest way when you make your decision, don't risk having any obstacle that could damage your body forever or end up being a vegetable.

I send you a big hug and lots of encouragement from afar, whatever decision you make. Peace ❤

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

I remember my first suicide attempt and my first first harming incident and my first time I purged.

Do you know what they all have in common?

Anxiety and doubt.

I am a very sensitive person, so I can not fully convey my own into a TedTalk like most who are deeply privileged in this miserable, selfish world, but I can say that it was scary...

In fact, I was new and inexperienced and I relied too heavily on someone each time, because I felt alone, and you know what happened from that?

I experienced betrayal after betrayal and my spirit got the courage to move from the lessons of this life, and to seek the support of my own inner strength to muster up that courage to pull me away from this world.

My first attempt was rushed which wasnt good, my first self harming incident was out of fear, but I made it, and my first time purging was out of curiosity, but I did it.

Each factor indicates steps until you are ready, but the fear will be there.

Heck, I still am afraid of my own CTB and my own plan because I don't know if I'll make it, but each time I get a realization just how bad this world truly is and all I went through, I picture strength of becoming determined because I have no choice.

I just say wait, as the other person shared to, but take it with stride on what will become for you to finally make the outcome, because I severe through immense PTSD and that is the only reason why I am stronger to finally do it from when I was 14 and suicidal to then 19 finally making the merits to go about it, because it never gets better...

It gets worse and my trauma is a result of what I went through to decide enough is enough...

 

[bananaolympus]

In my experience is not about building courage but your brain "saying fuck it lets do it" you get so numb that nothing matters, maybe this is why many people who committed suicide looked happy in their last days

 

[divinemistress36]

Your body is designed to fight and keep you alive no matter what its cruel

 

[Andrew10]

In my experience is not about building courage but your brain "saying fuck it lets do it" you get so numb that nothing matters, maybe this is why many people who committed suicide looked happy in their last days

That may be another option, probably all the events drove you to madness and your brain tells you "fuck it, lets do it". I understand the perspective of those people like many here, years of suffering to finally have peace, for some people that is the supreme achievement being free from suffering. Its happiness and a feeling of calm knowing that you can have the peace that you have achieved so much leaving this hell. I still remember my suicide attempts, I was so happy, listening to my favorite song and doing whatever I wanted thinking that nothing mattered anymore because there would be no tomorrow and that filled me with happiness, I even started dancing even if I didn't make it and only damaged my body, the feeling is relatable. It has not stopped me yet and I am preparing for the next time. I think that's what many users here feel too, the satisfaction of leaving this hell.