Help how do i make happiness for myself?

[v1car10us]

i hate my existence. every moment i spend agaze, every utterance of my narcissistic, self-aggrandizing diluted shitpost of my own of fucking personal philosophy sends me further into my own abyss. i need something new. i need to wander around this terrain and stare at these walls a bit more. i just keep living breath by breath with this intrepid breed with absolutely no end. i try so hard to keep a jovial disposition just to make the people around me worry less but it just isnt enough. everything that makes me "happy" is just a temporal distraction. it isnt concrete. how can i be happy with constant depression? im willing to try anything. no matter what i do , im always depressed. it just depends on if im distracted from it or not. like depression is normal but i dont think it should be this excessive and be considered normal. its constant. just as normal as breathing it seems. how can i get peace?

 

[Sweet emotion]

i hate my existence. every moment i spend agaze, every utterance of my narcissistic, self-aggrandizing diluted shitpost of my own of fucking personal philosophy sends me further into my own abyss. i need something new. i need to wander around this terrain and stare at these walls a bit more. i just keep living breath by breath with this intrepid breed with absolutely no end. i try so hard to keep a jovial disposition just to make the people around me worry less but it just isnt enough. everything that makes me "happy" is just a temporal distraction. it isnt concrete. how can i be happy with constant depression? im willing to try anything. no matter what i do , im always depressed. it just depends on if im distracted from it or not. like depression is normal but i dont think it should be this excessive and be considered normal. its constant. just as normal as breathing it seems. how can i get peace?

I hate suggesting this because I hate it but have you ever seen a psychiatrist and a therapist? You need to get down to the root of the problem. If you don't know what it is maybe they can help you figure it out and give you some coping skills and tips on how to make things better. It takes a while to find a good therapist. I went through a bunch before I found one that helped me when I was in my teens. Unfortunately my problem is physical so a therapist can't help me. But the depression is awful too. I'm lying in bed now just shaking because I'm so scared. I feel empty inside and alone. And I want to get out if this house and live but I can't.

 

[dandan]

In my twenty years of depression, medication and treatments, the best I've found has been Dianabol, testosterone and lifting weights... man after twenty years today I star week 13 of not feeling a single minute of depression,

I started taking dianabol and testosterone without a doctor, an specialist, when I've felt good I went and consult with a endocrinologist. an hormone specialist

I'll see him later today , and I've already told him , I can and i know i might experience a relapse and i would'nt tolerate it, I dont want to go back,
he said not to worry, even if theres a moment when things will go down , he wouldn't let me fall, that there are ways to maintain my levels .... he told me not to worry, that hes specialist

He told me half of his patients are sex changed people, and that he has to do a similar medication process with me, monitor my hormone levels and maintain them, it's possible.



I dont give a fuck if people say I shouldn't do testosterone that the body produces it's own.
Or that I have to be careful
Or that I will have a relapse and regret it
Or that I will develop some bad consequences

Man I was about to die with the N I've got in the fridge , next to the testo... so fuck the naysayers

 

[v1car10us]

I hate suggesting this because I hate it but have you ever seen a psychiatrist and a therapist? You need to get down to the root of the problem. If you don't know what it is maybe they can help you figure it out and give you some coping skills and tips on how to make things better. It takes a while to find a good therapist. I went through a bunch before I found one that helped me when I was in my teens. Unfortunately my problem is physical so a therapist can't help me. But the depression is awful too. I'm lying in bed now just shaking because I'm so scared. I feel empty inside and alone. And I want to get out if this house and live but I can't.

i have gone to a therapist, thank you for suggesting. it was when i was younger and both of my parents just seemed to try to avoid the problems. they dont have a complex understanding of depression. same thing with the therapist. they treat it almost as if its something that is a choice, like "quit being so mopey all the time" or "you have nothing to be sad about" and i dont know if they're right and im some broken mistake who cant function normally or something but either way i cant find refuge in my own head. your physical ailments are things i could only imagine having, and you are a very strong person for dealing with them as long as you have (i know it sounds generic, but still)

 

[Misanthrope]

Hi v1car10us. If you look at your life, can you identify what your source of pain is? Is it the depression and what that causes? Or is there more beyond it? How long has it been this way? Was there ever a time where you were actually happy? Since you are on this site any one downplaying how you feel is simply being dismissive of the pain you are in. If you hit someone in the the knee with a hammer they scream. We don't condemn them for their screaming. Yet depression often is condemned when people draw attention to it. But it is the same thing as a scream, a response to pain. So don't feel you need apologise for being vocal. That is natural. Here is quite welcoming to hear you out. There is also little point comparing physical pain to emotional pain, it is all pain at the end of the day and we all have our own thresholds of what we can endure.

 

[FeelingSinister]

Today, my dog's vet asked me all of a sudden if I was happy, "on a scale of 1 to 10". Then she said: "I'm not happy, so I've been asking people around if they are. You always seem so happy and content with your life. I just had to ask." My heart went crazy in a second, because I realized I could not say I wasn't happy and I could not say I was. Since I've started therapy three years ago, between my depressive episodes, I have been happy... and content ... and alive... and hopeful. For the first time in forty years, I experienced how "normal" feels like. The difference between the depressed me and the non-depressed me just showed me what I miss for most part of my life. But knowing how "normal" and "happy" and "alive" feel like only made the pain of the last relapse so unbearable that I became suicidal for the first time in my life. There was no turning back from that point onward. So, I told her: "When I'm not depressed, I think I'm happy." Then, I stormed out of her office and started to cry in the street with my dog in the leash not understanding what was happening.

Came home and found something that looks like a legit source for SN. For me, feeling happy for a short period of time was just the push over the edge.

I hope you can find a way out of your depression, and many ways to be happy. And if you ever find those ways, I hope they stay in your life forever.

 

[Final Escape]

Pursue the things that might give long term meaning instead of the things that only give short term pleasure. Happy feelings are very fleeting and temporary so it's much better to pursue what is meaningful vs what is expedient. I guess taking on responsibility actually will give meaning but we are often taught to fear responsibility and avoid it. Life is suffering and the goal is to reduce unnecessary suffering.

 

[v1car10us]

Hi v1car10us. If you look at your life, can you identify what your source of pain is? Is it the depression and what that causes? Or is there more beyond it? How long has it been this way? Was there ever a time where you were actually happy? Since you are on this site any one downplaying how you feel is simply being dismissive of the pain you are in. If you hit someone in the the knee with a hammer they scream. We don't condemn them for their screaming. Yet depression often is condemned when people draw attention to it. But it is the same thing as a scream, a response to pain. So don't feel you need apologise for being vocal. That is natural. Here is quite welcoming to hear you out. There is also little point comparing physical pain to emotional pain, it is all pain at the end of the day and we all have our own thresholds of what we can endure.

a lot of my depression stems from anxiety and stress, moreso the weight of, and it plays a heavy role in my every day life. at college, for example, everyone there sees me as upbeat and kind, but that's due to the fact i literally sit in my room and plan what i'll do in certain situations if prompted with certain tasks, just to improve my self image in the eyes of others. i can't have people not like me. i believe the stress brought upon by this is too immense, and i feel like i have too much to deal with, and i get depressed. i have specific reasons in the past that also contribute to my depression, but that's for another time. i keep myself alive just for others. if anyone at all that i care about, like REALLY care about, die, im going right along with them. i feel like i, as well as almost everyone who is on this site, am too smart for my own good. i wish i possessed the nativity so many people on the outside do. not a care in the world.

Pursue the things that might give long term meaning instead of the things that only give short term pleasure. Happy feelings are very fleeting and temporary so it's much better to pursue what is meaningful vs what is expedient. I guess taking on responsibility actually will give meaning but we are often taught to fear responsibility and avoid it. Life is suffering and the goal is to reduce unnecessary suffering.
[/QUOTE/]
thank you for the advice. i've thought about getting a pet of some sort to keep myself active, doing something, especially because i love animals more than almost anything.

Pursue the things that might give long term meaning instead of the things that only give short term pleasure. Happy feelings are very fleeting and temporary so it's much better to pursue what is meaningful vs what is expedient. I guess taking on responsibility actually will give meaning but we are often taught to fear responsibility and avoid it. Life is suffering and the goal is to reduce unnecessary suffering.

thank you for the advice. i've thought about getting a pet of some sort to keep myself active, doing something, especially because i love animals more than almost anything.

 

[Misanthrope]

i can't have people not like me. i believe the stress brought upon by this is too immense, and i feel like i have too much to deal with

Why can't you have people not like you? There are a lot of people in the world with differing opinions. At some point whatever your opinion is someone will take offence to it and not like you for it. So you are setting yourself up to fail. Because in your attempt to appease everyone you sacrifice your authentic self and act like a chameleon that says and does all the right things dependent on the group you are in. Eventually, you won't be able to juggle this and will burn out. It sounds like that is what is happening.

There is nothing wrong with being disliked by some people. That is pretty normal. If you try and appease everyone all you do is get used and treated like a doormat and whoever you are gets lost in other people's needs. Because people will keep taking from you until you have nothing left. Especially if you have no defined boundaries of your own. All because you can't say no because that would be displeasing. It is pretty much a trap. A trap that is bringing you stress and will have you taken advantage of at some point.

It is more important really to meaningfully exist to those who value you already. Opinions outside of that have less value because they likely don't care about you in any meaningful way to begin with. So being a bit disliked is proof you have boundaries, and opinions you will defend. It is not a failure to be disliked by some. It is proof you are human. Once you realise that, the sting of words can lose its hurt. What others think can truly not matter so much any more and cease to be something to fret over. Because you are your own person. This is a better state to be in than being naive. Which causes different problems.

So who are you? What do you want for yourself if you had to appease no one or live up to anyone else's standards?

 

[dandan]

Many of these kind/type of thoughts and I used to think my psychology was wrong, it all ended when I started working out at the gym while using testosterone and dianabol,
I'm stronger , mentally and in my soul. Fuck what people say, I've no longer have the desire to die nor the rambling depressive thoughts, on sure of myself , working my procrastination issues, but I hit the gym 6 days a week at 6am

Hope this advice helps at least 1 person in the years to come.

Oh yes, since this worked so good, I now see a endocrinologist, a doctor specialized in hormones, he makes me take regular blood samples, not very cheap but totally worth it.

hugs people , I do wish you recovery

(I do still have N in my fridge, I'm not dumping it, depression is a bitch and I won't tolerate if it comes back like before)

 

[Sweet emotion]

i have gone to a therapist, thank you for suggesting. it was when i was younger and both of my parents just seemed to try to avoid the problems. they dont have a complex understanding of depression. same thing with the therapist. they treat it almost as if its something that is a choice, like "quit being so mopey all the time" or "you have nothing to be sad about" and i dont know if they're right and im some broken mistake who cant function normally or something but either way i cant find refuge in my own head. your physical ailments are things i could only imagine having, and you are a very strong person for dealing with them as long as you have (i know it sounds generic, but still)

Sometimes you have to shop around for therapists. I had to leave about three of them until if found the right one to help me.

 

[v1car10us]

Sometimes you have to shop around for therapists. I had to leave about three of them until if found the right one to help me.

my financial situation doesnt really allow it to be honest. my state offers free therapy through insurance or something. honestly most of the people im close to can help me when im upset but it isnt enough and i feel as if it wont be enough with a therapist. its worth a try though. better than diluting my mind with percocet and valium i guess :/
tha

Why can't you have people not like you? There are a lot of people in the world with differing opinions. At some point whatever your opinion is someone will take offence to it and not like you for it. So you are setting yourself up to fail. Because in your attempt to appease everyone you sacrifice your authentic self and act like a chameleon that says and does all the right things dependent on the group you are in. Eventually, you won't be able to juggle this and will burn out. It sounds like that is what is happening.

There is nothing wrong with being disliked by some people. That is pretty normal. If you try and appease everyone all you do is get used and treated like a doormat and whoever you are gets lost in other people's needs. Because people will keep taking from you until you have nothing left. Especially if you have no defined boundaries of your own. All because you can't say no because that would be displeasing. It is pretty much a trap. A trap that is bringing you stress and will have you taken advantage of at some point.

It is more important really to meaningfully exist to those who value you already. Opinions outside of that have less value because they likely don't care about you in any meaningful way to begin with. So being a bit disliked is proof you have boundaries, and opinions you will defend. It is not a failure to be disliked by some. It is proof you are human. Once you realise that, the sting of words can lose its hurt. What others think can truly not matter so much any more and cease to be something to fret over. Because you are your own person. This is a better state to be in than being naive. Which causes different problems.

So who are you? What do you want for yourself if you had to appease no one or live up to anyone else's standards?

thank you so much. its so nice to hear good advice