how do i overcome the regret of what life could've been like if i wasn't mentally ill

[endofeverything]

i've recently been thinking so much about what kind of life i could be leading if i wasn't mentally ill. i've been struggling since i was around 18 to cope with depression, insecurities, addictions, and other mental issues that i can't even describe by name. recently, i realized i'm 25 years old, no hobbies, no skills, no friends, no memories, no higher education, no money, no possessions, genuinely nothing. and the worst part is i didn't even manage to heal from depression, since it's back now. i had all this free time, and did nothing with it. or rather, couldn't do anything with it.

it hit me like a truck recently that, if i started a higher education right after school, i'd have finished my masters degree right about now.

it's a stupid thought, because i made a conscious decision back then to not pursue higher education. i knew i wouldn't be able to handle the stress of studying alongside my mental illness. also, i never cared for money or for a career anyway. i always intended to live for myself, and just enjoy what i got. but, also due to my bad mental health state, i never properly pursued any hobbies all these years, or made any friendships. i MEANT TO get into a lot of things, like art and fitness, but nothing ever materialized. i just had no energy for it. i made a few experiences here and there, but all in all, the past years have been pretty empty - mostly just trying to recover and cope with my mental heatlh. i made baby steps last year with some projects, and it felt great, but now everything came crashing down again recently and i'm back to square one.

i feel so regretful somehow. it feels like there were so many doors that got shut due to my awful mental health. i know it's stupid to think about it, because i didn't choose to be mentally ill and i would never have been able to achieve more than i did, but i just can't stop mourning the life i didn't get to live these past years. i feel if i didn't have mental issues, everything would be so different. i feel like what were supposed to be my best years got castrated by depression, apathy and all the struggles i go through daily just trying to get by.

how the hell do you overcome this feeling? did any of you manage? i feel so silly to be like this at 25 already, i must sound like a 90 year old grandpa listing his life's regrets on his deathbed or something, ahahah

 

[party?]

The one thing that helps me cope is knowing that regret is a part of human life no matter what. We WILL have regrets in this life about many things no matter how much it hurts. Once I learnt that i felt much better. Like why should i hurt over something that is bound to happen to everyone. As the saying goes, the first best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, the second best time is today.
I'm sorry if this sounds all cheesy. I'm sure my words alone won't make a huge difference to how you feel currently. I just hope you know that its okay to have regrets. We learn, we cope and we make the best of what we have.

 

[Hollowman]

I overcame it by having a complete mental breakdown. I can barely think or remember anything anymore.

 

[SchrodingerIsDed]

i've recently been thinking so much about what kind of life i could be leading if i wasn't mentally ill. i've been struggling since i was around 18 to cope with depression, insecurities, addictions, and other mental issues that i can't even describe by name. recently, i realized i'm 25 years old, no hobbies, no skills, no friends, no memories, no higher education, no money, no possessions, genuinely nothing. and the worst part is i didn't even manage to heal from depression, since it's back now. i had all this free time, and did nothing with it. or rather, couldn't do anything with it.

it hit me like a truck recently that, if i started a higher education right after school, i'd have finished my masters degree right about now.

it's a stupid thought, because i made a conscious decision back then to not pursue higher education. i knew i wouldn't be able to handle the stress of studying alongside my mental illness. also, i never cared for money or for a career anyway. i always intended to live for myself, and just enjoy what i got. but, also due to my bad mental health state, i never properly pursued any hobbies all these years, or made any friendships. i MEANT TO get into a lot of things, like art and fitness, but nothing ever materialized. i just had no energy for it. i made a few experiences here and there, but all in all, the past years have been pretty empty - mostly just trying to recover and cope with my mental heatlh. i made baby steps last year with some projects, and it felt great, but now everything came crashing down again recently and i'm back to square one.

i feel so regretful somehow. it feels like there were so many doors that got shut due to my awful mental health. i know it's stupid to think about it, because i didn't choose to be mentally ill and i would never have been able to achieve more than i did, but i just can't stop mourning the life i didn't get to live these past years. i feel if i didn't have mental issues, everything would be so different. i feel like what were supposed to be my best years got castrated by depression, apathy and all the struggles i go through daily just trying to get by.

how the hell do you overcome this feeling? did any of you manage? i feel so silly to be like this at 25 already, i must sound like a 90 year old grandpa listing his life's regrets on his deathbed or something, ahahah

Yes. I managed. So just start right now. Don't be a 35 year old you looking back at 25 year old you thinking "Damn, if only I would have started then." Start thinking about your future self, instead of your past self. I mean literally. As if they are real people.

Regret is a bitch. I have no regrets at this point, even though I felt just like you at 25. Same position. No money, no higher education, no friends, no girlfriend, no skills, minimal hobbies beyond video games and online shit, only I had possessions because I still lived with my parents and they supported me so that helped a lot, but it also kept me dull and complacent. But pretty close.

I rest very easy, knowing I did everything I could to develop. No ragrats at all.

If you think this regret you're feeling right now sucks, wait another 5-10-15 years. You are very young. Very young. It might not feel like it, but you're still a baby. Barely just christened with a fully developed adult brain. These next years could be the best of your life. They will rapidly disappear, and if you don't find a way out, you may find yourself a 45 year old looking back in just the same way you are right now, thinking about all the time you had when you were 25.

But this is great. This is really good. You see it. You see the mistake. You're awake. So now all you have to do is start walking. And you don't overcome the feeling. You carry it with you. You are doing this for Future You.

Do not dwell on the past. You will get depressed.
Do not dwell on the future. You will get anxious.
Learn from the past. Live/work towards a future in the moment. Plan for the future.

 

[endofeverything]

As the saying goes, the first best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, the second best time is today.

it's insanely true. i wish i had understood it properly when i was 19 and feeling similarly about the things i wanted to do. that's kinda where some of this is coming from at the moment.... i was regretting my life even back then, due to my suffering mental health, even though it had just started. even back then, i was already feeling like i wasted too much time doing nothing and not pursuing hobbies like art or gym intensely enough or early enough. wish i had the energy back then to plant the tree. i know i need to stop dwelling on it right now and get on with it, but... yeah.

Yes. I managed. So just start right now. Don't be a 35 year old you looking back at 25 year old you thinking "Damn, if only I would have started then." Start thinking about your future self, instead of your past self. I mean literally. As if they are real people.

Regret is a bitch. I have no regrets at this point, even though I felt just like you at 25. Same position. No money, no higher education, no friends, no girlfriend, no skills, minimal hobbies beyond video games and online shit, only I had possessions because I still lived with my parents and they supported me so that helped a lot, but it also kept me dull and complacent. But pretty close.

I rest very easy, knowing I did everything I could to develop. No ragrats at all.

If you think this regret you're feeling right now sucks, wait another 5-10-15 years. You are very young. Very young. It might not feel like it, but you're still a baby. Barely just christened with a fully developed adult brain. These next years could be the best of your life. They will rapidly disappear, and if you don't find a way out, you may find yourself a 45 year old looking back in just the same way you are right now, thinking about all the time you had when you were 25.

But this is great. This is really good. You see it. You see the mistake. You're awake. So now all you have to do is start walking. And you don't overcome the feeling. You carry it with you. You are doing this for Future You.

Do not dwell on the past. You will get depressed.
Do not dwell on the future. You will get anxious.
Learn from the past. Live/work towards a future in the moment. Plan for the future.

i want to start right now so badly, but i'm always too tired, and being apathetic and regretful doesn't help it. i know i shouldn't dwell on it, i see the mistake, but i can't stop myself from doing it anyway sometimes.

i guess one part of this is social media making it insanely easy (and insanely likely) to find people who are younger and living the life you wanted to live. some days it's easy to ignore and do your own thing at your own pace, other days it's much harder to look away from it and be kind to yourself for not having the same energy and success as them. i do really wonder where some of these people get all this energy from to do all those things they're doing. 19 year old me could have never managed it. he was too busy trying not to off himself.

 

[SchrodingerIsDed]

i want to start right now so badly, but i'm always too tired, and being apathetic and regretful doesn't help it. i know i shouldn't dwell on it, i see the mistake, but i can't stop myself from doing it anyway sometimes.

i guess one part of this is social media making it insanely easy (and insanely likely) to find people who are younger and living the life you wanted to live. some days it's easy to ignore and do your own thing at your own pace, other days it's much harder to look away from it and be kind to yourself for not having the same energy and success as them. i do really wonder where some of these people get all this energy from to do all those things they're doing. 19 year old me could have never managed it. he was too busy trying not to off himself.

I get that. Sometimes the brain doesn't give us much of a choice. Mine tells me to fear everything and everyone. If I could just switch that off, I certainly would. Alas.

So in the past have there been any times when you've managed to sidestep the fatigue apathy and regret?

Oh yes, most certainly. No one posts their fails on social media, unless it's in a funny context. They only post the good stuff. One shouldn't compare themselves to only peoples' best sides.

 

[party?]

it's insanely true. i wish i had understood it properly when i was 19 and feeling similarly about the things i wanted to do. that's kinda where some of this is coming from at the moment.... i was regretting my life even back then, due to my suffering mental health, even though it had just started. even back then, i was already feeling like i wasted too much time doing nothing and not pursuing hobbies like art or gym intensely enough or early enough. wish i had the energy back then to plant the tree. i know i need to stop dwelling on it right now and get on with it, but... yeah.


i want to start right now so badly, but i'm always too tired, and being apathetic and regretful doesn't help it. i know i shouldn't dwell on it, i see the mistake, but i can't stop myself from doing it anyway sometimes.

i guess one part of this is social media making it insanely easy (and insanely likely) to find people who are younger and living the life you wanted to live. some days it's easy to ignore and do your own thing at your own pace, other days it's much harder to look away from it and be kind to yourself for not having the same energy and success as them. i do really wonder where some of these people get all this energy from to do all those things they're doing. 19 year old me could have never managed it. he was too busy trying not to off himself.

I relate to that a lot. The guilt and paranoia just keep eating you alive and you are setting yourself up for an even more painful time. What helps me is just working through the discomfort. I feel guilty and scared about not doing something but when i start pursuing that said something, the painful feeling softens a bit and you eventually feel better. At least that's how it works for me. Your younger self was just trying their best to survive. You are not the people you compare yourself to and they are not you. Its a hard task so i get you not wanting to try. It hard not to feel bad. But we just try i guess.
In short, try cutting yourself some slack. You had your reasons to not pursue your interests then and they are very valid. You have the time now so get on with it but be patient with yourself.

 

[soonatpeace777888]

If you find out please let me know.