Help how do you cope with heartbreak?

[highlyvolatile]

i had went from crying all the time to feeling numb now im somewhere in the middle. i know id posted about it before but today was the final nail in the coffin for what was my and my ex's friendship. ...

id wanted to try to be friends but like a week or few days ago id made some bad choices and asked and said too much and wanted to know too much and it led to our eventual demise. ive been blaming myself ever since and some of you who ive spoken to about it have said id been too hard on myself.. im trting to do a little better there.

but .. id loved him for 3 years. slept next to him. spent time with him.. and he moved on so fast. replaced me so fast. .. left me so fast. And im here. with my guilt and hurt and heartbreak and i cant do anything to improve our relationship.. his birthday is in a few days. .. normally id be excited planning a gift for him.. .. listening to music hasnt been the same. nor has playing games or just going shopping. ..

we'd been broken up for a while but it feela like i got my heartbroken all over again. How have yall coped?

honestly all i did before was lay in bed cry and browse the forum. but i wanna do .. a little more helpful things than that. ..

 

[noaccount]

My own ways of dealing have not been "good".
Every case is so different too. Hard to remember sometimes, hard to get people to understand that - We can't reduce each other to "roles", no one is replaceable. Everyone has different reasons, different histories, different limits.

I don't know. I'm sorry.

 

[highlyvolatile]

My own ways of dealing have not been "good".
Every case is so different too. Hard to remember sometimes, hard to get people to understand that - We can't reduce each other to "roles", no one is replaceable. Everyone has different reasons, different histories, different limits.

I don't know. I'm sorry.

Thank you still. You dont have to be sorry.

 

[Rome Horseman]

I'm sorry

 

[enjoy]

i'm sorry that this is happening to you.

i personally keep busy and try to replace memories of my ex with new ones. for instance, my ex and i used to have certain inside jokes. after the breakup, i gave these inside jokes a new meaning with my best friend and they became our inside jokes. i also avoid mannerisms i used to engage in while i was dating my ex.

 

[highlyvolatile]

i'm sorry that this is happening to you.

i personally keep busy and try to replace memories of my ex with new ones. for instance, my ex and i used to have certain inside jokes. after the breakup, i gave these inside jokes a new meaning with my best friend and they became our inside jokes. i also avoid mannerisms i used to engage in while i was dating my ex.

Thank you and ive been trying to make more of an effort to distract myself and do something. And honestly thats like what ill try to do. make new memories and stuff.

 

[Sweet_Lullaby]

Cut ties with your ex. If you keep talking to him, your feelings will take longer to subside. Stop remembering about the good times and all the qualities he had. Focus on the bad things he has done to you. It hurts more when you put that person on a pedestal. Cut him off social media as well.
The feeling won't go away over night. The relationship lasted for three years. It will take some time for you to heal.
Be around supporting friends. Tell them how you feel. Do something you wanted to do for a while, that you didn't because of your ex.

 

[Jean4]

Put one foot in front of the other. Take one day at a time. Sometimes, one second at a time. When the pain gets bad, do something you find comforting. I go and write on Stan's thread.

 

[Dawgmom]

I'm so sorry you're hurting.

@SweetLullaby is right. I tried to remain friends with an ex (2 actually) and it never goes well. It's torture trying to be around someone you feel so strongly about and not have them because they no longer feel the same way. Unfortunately, it's a waste of time and only prolongs your suffering.

The first couple of weeks will be tough but if you can distract yourself every time you start thinking about how things were it will help. Because when you start thinking like that you end up putting your head in a place that no longer exists. So, try and stay in reality.

Remember, as you said, your heart is broken and just like a broken leg, you need to try and care for it and allow it to heal. That means not making yourself uncomfortable by thinking of things that hurts your heart. It just takes time.

 

[BPD Barbie]

I wish I knew and had answers to take the pain away from you. It's horrible, it feels horrible like you're being split open. My only advice would be to try and keep your mind distracted, do things you enjoy, watch some good TV shows. Talk to people about it, get everything off your chest and laid out bare. Cut all ties, delete pictures etc, this has been the only way I've managed to get over people, by completely cutting them out entirely. Good luck, sending you love

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I think it just takes time to get better. I know its a cliche, but I think its true. I always used beer and bad country music, but I don't recommend that. Just time. It's not the easiest, quick fix solution, but then those never work anyway.

 

[terry_a_davis]

I found meeting new people and potential partners helped me.

 

[LittleJem]

This is a facetious comment (though sorry for your loss)....I know a woman who collected dog shit and smeared it over her exes garden.

Not pretty, but I take comfort that I broke my exes rib (it was consensual light BDSM, but I didn't know ribs were so delicate...duh). If I had more serotonin I'd probably not take pleasure from these things, but there it is...
They say heartbreak should ideally last no longer than the relationship.

 

[JustLosingMyself]

I'm so sorry.
I feel the same. Different story and circumstances.
No way to sugarcoat it
Only time helps.

 

[Pryras]

I can empathize with you as I'm very familiar with heartbreak. Sometimes I feel like my heart is beating so fast I can't breath and my throat gets very tight and dry. It hurts. And I've dealt with it twice to the point of wanting to CTB to end the pain.

Most recently, I had a friend who I closely bonded with and I loved to pieces. He left everything for someone else, and it broke me. I said too much out of pain/anger and ruined any possibility of remaining friends. We don't talk anymore.

Think of it like this, if they were meant to be in your life, if they were the ONE, they would have chosen you. It's hard to digest but it's the truth. Choose people who choose you and don't invest your time in someone when they haven't done the same for you. Take this guy off the high pedestal you placed him on and realize he isn't worth your time and worry.

trust me, I suffered way too long worrying, reminiscing over good times with someone I thought was just a beacon of perfection. He wasn't, and I learned it through the heartbreak. We are here and we deserve better.

 

[Soraa]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. Heartbreak is so so painful. My partner of 4 years who I'd also lived with for 2 years suddenly told me he doesn't love me anymore last month. Out of the blue, no clues, no discussion. I was so shocked and hurt that my stomach literally felt like it was getting ripped apart and I ended up vomiting everything I ate for the next week.

It's been about a month for me now, and it still hurts like fuck, but i have recognized the things that helped and things that don't. For me, I'd have to force myself to get the fuck out of bed, put on some decent clothes and do something to focus on. Even if I don't go outside, watching anime or cooking videos have been so much better for me than just staying in bed thinking about how hurt I am. Food has slowly started tasting better, and sometimes I would make myself so busy, that even for a brief moment, I would forget about my heartbreak.

Wish you the best on your recovery my friend

 

[TAW122]

I don't really deal with it too well, I suppose with time, things become less damaging, but the damage has already been done and/or still lingering. Sometimes you just can't "fully" get over it but can mitigate the damage it causes. Other distractions like music, video games, movies, and stuff help a bit, but ultimately, they are simply distractions so they provide temporary relief.

 

[lizinha]

Someone that I'd had huge feelings for led me on for 2 years and only last month I found out he started seeing someone else behind my back, i tried confronting him about it and I brokedown so I implusively sent him alot of messages (where I wish I should've stopped myself) He brushed off everything I tried to tell him, ghosted me then proceeded to block me. I know how you feel.

 

[highlyvolatile]

Someone that I'd had huge feelings for led me on for 2 years and only last month I found out he started seeing someone else behind my back, i tried confronting him about it and I brokedown so I implusively sent him alot of messages (where I wish I should've stopped myself) He brushed off everything I tried to tell him, ghosted me then proceeded to block me. I know how you feel.

I think the same exact thing I did (as far as messages go and getting brushed off the same way)... So im sorry to you id give you a great big hug if i could.