Help How do you get friends/built community?

[Ameya]

I have been trying to recover but I haven't really done much for it....my biggest factor for being depressed is honestly loneliness.
So honest question.
How do you make friends or find New ones? My old ones don't seem to have much interest in me.

 

[lqpbxeuh]

If video games are your thing, they're a great way to meet people. Take it from me, I have anhedonia and social anxiety. Not only I have such little desire to reach out and do stuff, when I do, social anxiety tells me everything I do is wrong. Despite that, I've managed to make friends in the online games I play whom I got to know for several years. Unfortunately, my mental fucked upness would win and I would lose everything...

 

[AlexYaBoy]

Was always mentally alone. Alcohol-fueled violence, and whatnot. Started going to church, around five months, ago. No Sunday mass, or anything. I just...walk in. Have a seat. They host events, sometimes. Talk to the priest, if they're bored. Understanding. Never received this treatment, elsewhere.

Asked him "Do I go to hell if I end my own life?"

"Not necessarily."

Blew my tiny mind.

I'm a Christian, now. Read the book, and all. Now I just need to self-flagellate, whenever I sin.

All Glory to God.

 

[strawberrydiequiri]

I'd say probably start with discord. I used to frequent Druncord a lot. If you're trying to make friends IRL, I'd suggest Bumble BFF or start volunteering or become a regular somewhere. That's if you're up for it and have the energy for it. I think Discord is just easier.

 

[Zazacosta]

As everybody wrote, there are different paths to make a friends. It depends what you like, what are your hobbies e.t.c.. I would suggest to stick with several activities you like to do and try to meet friends through these activities.

 

[Jack_Nimble]

This seems to be the most fitting thread for me to share this. I really appreciate the title implied a desire to build a community if a suitable one couldn't be found. I miss the community of the church I grew up in as a child. However I no longer believe in the bible and I truly believe the bible is inherently damaging to mental health. I believe that most, if not all mental health benefits said to come from religion only come from the community/social interaction. Without religion as a basis for community most communities are based on a specific hobby. Or are based on political activism, which can b mentally negative.

I wish I had community based on nothing! Oh I really wish this. Fortunately there is a bit of a movement of just this. But consider yourself lucky to live near one or being able to start it yourself. I do not live near one. But it's called Sunday Assembly. It is specifically non-religous and non-political. My dream.

Chek it out, see if there is one near you. I wish there was one near me. Closest to me is about 5 hours drive. I suppose the biggest challenge of starting something like this near you is either having or finding/renting a place to host meetings/gatherings.

Sunday Assembly

We are a network of secular (non-religious) communities who gather to celebrate this one life we know we have. We're a global movement for wonder and good.

www.sundayassembly.org

 

[emptyenvelopes]

I'd say probably start with discord. I used to frequent Druncord a lot. If you're trying to make friends IRL, I'd suggest Bumble BFF or start volunteering or become a regular somewhere. That's if you're up for it and have the energy for it. I think Discord is just easier.

I second this, I made some really quality friends through Bumble BFF. You have to wade through the app for a bit to find those people, but when you find someone looking for the same thing as you it works out pretty well.

Also I recommend trying the app MeetUp. You can look for social groups where you live where you can meet people through activities

 

[ForgottenAgain]

I don't know either, I've been working on this topic for 5 years now...

I've tried making friends through work, tried Bumble BFF, tried Boo, tried checking MeetUp, went to events on things I like, lowered my standards for friends - after all that, I don't have much to show for it.

On Bumble BFF made one superficial relationship with a girl who I honestly don't like that much. More than a year of "friendship" later and I'm just wishing she forgets about me. This all happened because people kept telling me I should try to hang out with people different to me, people that like going outside, bla bla, and so I did.

Another girl was also through Bumble BFF, things were going well, we even spoke the same language but then she bought a house in another city and ghosted me.

There were two other girls but things ended pretty quickly as well with either ghosting or one of them saying to my face that I was too sad to be with. This is when I had decided to not pretend and be honest.

My psychologist always mentioned that I needed to go to an event or something and make friends that way. Yesterday I went to a very niche and small event, for a topic that I love - I don't know how it's possible to make friends at events because people don't talk to me and I don't know how to approach them either without being a creep! I actually spoke a lot with vendors and people from a rescue there, even asked another customer where they had bought their shirt. Got my answer and they went on to another stall. How does one make friends irl, I have no clue, I don't think it is possible.

All of this oversharing and rambling to say: you're not alone, it is hard as hell and I so wish I knew how to help you but I've tried so hard and got so far and in the end, it doesn't even matter.

 

[Jack_Nimble]

What if there was a depression social group? As opposed to a support group. Which just talks about our problems for an hour or so. But like an organized social group specifically accepting of depression. Focusing on trying to have fun and socialize, instead of focusing just on talking about problems. Things like bowling or board games or disc golf?

Though I think in such a group it should be encouraged to talk about your problems if one desires. Of course we wouldn't want to tell others to keep it to themselves or bottle it up.

I think this could be very helpful. Especially since among people who don't understand depression. Many of them don't like being around down or sad attitudes. But if the basis of the group is about accepting depressed people....then we shouldnt have to worry about being pushed away for our depression.

What do y'all think of that? If you like the idea, please critique it, expand on it. How would you organize such a group? What should or shouldn't it involve?

I ask cause Im.kinda thinking about trying something like this. I'm currently contemplating starting a depression support group in my area as we don't have one. I'm going through the application process with the DBSA to start a group supported by them. But frankly I don't like the idea of just sitting around talking about our problems. I don't want to lead anything to be honest. I kinda thought if I could get a support group going I could try to add optional social events. But honestly I'm kinda thinking about skipping the support group step.

I could maybe just make a group on meetup.com and call it "Depression Social" or something like that with a description of what I'm trying to accomplish. Idk.

What do y'all think?

 

[Bxtra]

I have been trying to recover but I haven't really done much for it....my biggest factor for being depressed is honestly loneliness.
So honest question.
How do you make friends or find New ones? My old ones don't seem to have much interest in me.

I think the secret to making new friends is just being in a place consistently. Maybe a small coffee shop if you're not feeling too anxious by yourself? Be there. Or playing video games online? Be there.

Most people normally get friends through school and work but it can be really difficult to just "be there" with depression.

Take it slow. Rome wasn't built in a day but it's still pretty beautiful now haha.

Best of luck.