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sirciroc

sirciroc

Member
Feb 4, 2024
44
Hi everyone. It's been a while since I was on here. I came close to ending it this summer (would've been next month most likely) but I decided to reach out for help one last time before giving in the towel and I guess it worked? Not sure actually. Im on new meds so I don't feel like jumping off a cliff right now but it feels like they're wearing off already cause I once again have no energy to do anything.

I want to have hobbies. I want to write. I want to bake. I want to dance, draw, hike, exercise, skate. But I still don't have the energy to brush my teeth on the off days. My attention span is abysmal and it's hard to consume media that isn't the length of a Tik tok. And I feel like physical garbage. I feel like my physical health is going to kill me early at the rate I'm not taking care of myself. But I have chronic conditions that leave me so tired and I still don't love life. Im not happy. Im just not currently in the mood to die.

How do those of you in recovery do it? Especially if you're like me and your brain fog and body betrays you? I feel like most advice out there is for neurotypical and or non disabled individuals. It just makes me feel lazy. But I don't want to be this way. If I stay like this I might as well go with the damn plan. Im still here cause I want to know what enjoying life and having hobbies feels like
 
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popcornheart

popcornheart

𝚋𝚞𝚛𝚜𝚝𝚜 𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚞𝚛𝚎
Dec 22, 2021
19
I feel like most advice out there is for neurotypical and or non disabled individuals. It just makes me feel lazy.

So very true, I feel this to my core.

I'm not entirely sure if I'm truly in recovery but I can't deny there's a tiny spark within me that longs for things to get better...so, I'll add my two cents.

Mostly for me, I start to feel panicked and almost nauseous when I stay in bed too long. This inspires me to get up and mosey around. Right now, I'm not at home, so I really only have the couch and the outside patio available to me... therefore, I'm spending a ton of time "in bed" (read: on the couch).

When I think back to last year, somewhat coming into a sense of recovery (albeit things were a less abysmal for me then) I remember trying to be patient with myself. Understanding that my fatigue causes me a lot more resistance than those that don't experience it themselves; trying to congratulate myself for doing anything that wasn't whilst being horizontal.

Maybe I don't really have much advice to share... I do relate to having a short attention span, though. For the last month, since returning home from an inpatient stay, I've basically rotted in front of the TV. Then again, as I mentioned earlier, there hasn't been much opportunity for me to do anything else.

I think it's really admirable that you have so many interests. Chronic conditions can make it so invariably difficult to do anything, but maybe doing some activities even while still in bed could bring you some joy. Obviously you can't bake from bed, but you could perhaps jot down some recipes? Spend some time watching dance videos and then do your best to get up, even if just for a few minutes, and move your body?

It's a lot more complex and nuanced when attempting recovery while chronically ill. I hope you can begin to understand that you have an inherent worth independent of any level of productivity you output. As with anything when you're trying to recover, start small and set goals for yourself.

I hope I'm not talking out of my ass here. I really hope you're able to do the things you want to do.
 
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Trismegistus_13

Trismegistus_13

Your best is all you can give
Jun 17, 2024
87
Hi there, I'm really glad you're giving your life another chance! I really relate this issue.

You can put yourself in the position to do the things you want to do without forcing yourself to do them. For example, if you want to run, instead of telling yourself you are going for a run and feeling bad when you can't, put on some running shoes and shorts and just take a walk. If you feel like running during it, then run, but don't put any pressure on yourself to do so.

Or, watch tiktok videos near a journal and pen since you want to write. If inspiration comes to you, wonderful, but if not, you still enjoy the videos. Do you see what I'm getting at? Find ways to make it easier to do the things you want to do without fully committing. That works for me at least 🙂
 
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wurr

wurr

don’t lie
Jul 17, 2023
45
I can get up from bed early only if I have to physically get up. Usually I have my alarm set somewhere between 8-10am (when no work or studies), but my phone is charging as far away from my bad as possible. I also take a piss and then drink a whole cup of water right before going to bed the night before. That way when I wake up and have to get from bed to silence the alarm, I also start feeling the need to go to pee. After this hustle I am awake enough to go to the kitchen and have breakfast. I still feel fatigued during most of the day, but I feel fatigued every day no matter when I wake up or go to bed, but waking up earlier makes a day just a little better. Sorry if the description of the method sounds a little iffy
 
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Pathetic and Sad

Pathetic and Sad

Just going through life's motions
May 21, 2024
151
Joining a paid institution can help imo. I just joined the gym like 2 weeks ago, and now I know I have to wake at 6:30 to get there if I want to try equipment with the instructors or it would just be a waste of my parents money. Although the rest of my days are just as bad, at least in the morning I am trying to be at my best! I'm also trying to make a friend at the gym but most guys are in their late twenties or thirties and it's really hard to even speak out loud with my social anxiety making even the instructors sometimes baffled by what I'm saying. But yeah, it can be hard, it took me like 4 years to finally convince myself to give the gym a chance, but it's working well for me at least for my mornings. But Saturdays are still bad, gym is closed in the Saturday and I wake up at like 9 just because I'm hungry and need to have some lunch... I hope it helps. And I'm proud of you for giving life another chance (:
 
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H

helpmecatchthebus

Member
Jul 14, 2024
14
Have you tried NDRI antidepressants?
 
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Kasumi

Kasumi

tired
Mar 3, 2023
496
which meds did you try specifically?
If you mainly have issues with energy, cns stimulants may help.
 
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daley

daley

Experienced
May 11, 2024
207
Just wanted to contribute some personal experience.
I frequently had troubles getting out of bed. I would sometimes stay in bed all day.

For the past year I have been taking Vitamin D supplements. The normal recommended dose is 400 IU, but recent research suggests that useful doses should really be much higher. I take 5000 IU daily ( I think that's 125 mg), and I notice a significant difference. I just cannot stay in bed all day. I feel awake and I have to get up. My sister is a health nut and she persuaded me to start doing this, and I feel (although I cannot be sure) that it is really helping me.

So, that's what I got.
I wish you well @sirciroc .
 
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C

Cute_&_Loving

I like trinkets:)
May 10, 2023
424
I'm not in recovery…..
But I'm stuck in this life cuz I had failed of my suicide attempts and can't seem to have the guts to end things.
I've been trying for my mother, for my friend. I'm trying not to be this shitty selfish person I was born…..
I'm really sorry you've been feeling so discouraged. Even more sorry for not having said anything helpful….. ♥️♥️♥️
 
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L

lunar echo

Member
Jul 6, 2024
28
So very true, I feel this to my core.

I'm not entirely sure if I'm truly in recovery but I can't deny there's a tiny spark within me that longs for things to get better...so, I'll add my two cents.

Mostly for me, I start to feel panicked and almost nauseous when I stay in bed too long. This inspires me to get up and mosey around. Right now, I'm not at home, so I really only have the couch and the outside patio available to me... therefore, I'm spending a ton of time "in bed" (read: on the couch).

When I think back to last year, somewhat coming into a sense of recovery (albeit things were a less abysmal for me then) I remember trying to be patient with myself. Understanding that my fatigue causes me a lot more resistance than those that don't experience it themselves; trying to congratulate myself for doing anything that wasn't whilst being horizontal.

Maybe I don't really have much advice to share... I do relate to having a short attention span, though. For the last month, since returning home from an inpatient stay, I've basically rotted in front of the TV. Then again, as I mentioned earlier, there hasn't been much opportunity for me to do anything else.

I think it's really admirable that you have so many interests. Chronic conditions can make it so invariably difficult to do anything, but maybe doing some activities even while still in bed could bring you some joy. Obviously you can't bake from bed, but you could perhaps jot down some recipes? Spend some time watching dance videos and then do your best to get up, even if just for a few minutes, and move your body?

It's a lot more complex and nuanced when attempting recovery while chronically ill. I hope you can begin to understand that you have an inherent worth independent of any level of productivity you output. As with anything when you're trying to recover, start small and set goals for yourself.

I hope I'm not talking out of my ass here. I really hope you're able to do the things you want to do.
exhaustion sucks man, but its admirable how u still have the energy to write a post that has a lot of useful advice.
 
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L

lunar echo

Member
Jul 6, 2024
28
Hi there, I'm really glad you're giving your life another chance! I really relate this issue.

You can put yourself in the position to do the things you want to do without forcing yourself to do them. For example, if you want to run, instead of telling yourself you are going for a run and feeling bad when you can't, put on some running shoes and shorts and just take a walk. If you feel like running during it, then run, but don't put any pressure on yourself to do so.

Or, watch tiktok videos near a journal and pen since you want to write. If inspiration comes to you, wonderful, but if not, you still enjoy the videos. Do you see what I'm getting at? Find ways to make it easier to do the things you want to do without fully committing. That works for me at least 🙂
"Refuses to give up hope." thats clearly evident in your post.
 
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Reactions: sirciroc
L

lunar echo

Member
Jul 6, 2024
28
I can get up from bed early only if I have to physically get up. Usually I have my alarm set somewhere between 8-10am (when no work or studies), but my phone is charging as far away from my bad as possible. I also take a piss and then drink a whole cup of water right before going to bed the night before. That way when I wake up and have to get from bed to silence the alarm, I also start feeling the need to go to pee. After this hustle I am awake enough to go to the kitchen and have breakfast. I still feel fatigued during most of the day, but I feel fatigued every day no matter when I wake up or go to bed, but waking up earlier makes a day just a little better. Sorry if the description of the method sounds a little iffy
sometimes my alarms dont even wake me up. alarms are the worst. but having them shows that u have self discipline, u know, and thats good
 
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L

lunar echo

Member
Jul 6, 2024
28
Joining a paid institution can help imo. I just joined the gym like 2 weeks ago, and now I know I have to wake at 6:30 to get there if I want to try equipment with the instructors or it would just be a waste of my parents money. Although the rest of my days are just as bad, at least in the morning I am trying to be at my best! I'm also trying to make a friend at the gym but most guys are in their late twenties or thirties and it's really hard to even speak out loud with my social anxiety making even the instructors sometimes baffled by what I'm saying. But yeah, it can be hard, it took me like 4 years to finally convince myself to give the gym a chance, but it's working well for me at least for my mornings. But Saturdays are still bad, gym is closed in the Saturday and I wake up at like 9 just because I'm hungry and need to have some lunch... I hope it helps. And I'm proud of you for giving life another chance (:
gym is my go-to thing. working out can make anyone feel good.
 
L

lunar echo

Member
Jul 6, 2024
28
Just wanted to contribute some personal experience.
I frequently had troubles getting out of bed. I would sometimes stay in bed all day.

For the past year I have been taking Vitamin D supplements. The normal recommended dose is 400 IU, but recent research suggests that useful doses should really be much higher. I take 5000 IU daily ( I think that's 125 mg), and I notice a significant difference. I just cannot stay in bed all day. I feel awake and I have to get up. My sister is a health nut and she persuaded me to start doing this, and I feel (although I cannot be sure) that it is really helping me.

So, that's what I got.
I wish you well @sirciroc .
my whole family is obsessed with health , etc. i aint, never was, but working out is probably the best med
I'm not in recovery…..
But I'm stuck in this life cuz I had failed of my suicide attempts and can't seem to have the guts to end things.
I've been trying for my mother, for my friend. I'm trying not to be this shitty selfish person I was born…..
I'm really sorry you've been feeling so discouraged. Even more sorry for not having said anything helpful….. ♥️♥️♥️
how many times did u attempt ? this is probably too personal. i too often hear stories abt ppl ctb'ing and soon after their loved ones doing the same. its sad. i dont have anyone close. it would be nice to have a parent at least. i guess if I had someone close to me then ctb would be much harder to carry out
 
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C

Cute_&_Loving

I like trinkets:)
May 10, 2023
424
my whole family is obsessed with health , etc. i aint, never was, but working out is probably the best med

how many times did u attempt ? this is probably too personal. i too often hear stories abt ppl ctb'ing and soon after their loved ones doing the same. its sad. i dont have anyone close. it would be nice to have a parent at least. i guess if I had someone close to me then ctb would be much harder to carry out
I had 2 attempts. It was completely my fault I had failed. Didn't do things by the book it's not gonna happen to my family. Thankfully. They want to be alive and I'm grateful for you. I still hope for the day I'll stop being such a coward and will be able to off things. I'm sorry you don't have anyone….. I'm grateful for having my mum but she'd be defo better off without me.
 
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L

lunar echo

Member
Jul 6, 2024
28
I had 2 attempts. It was completely my fault I had failed. Didn't do things by the book it's not gonna happen to my family. Thankfully. They want to be alive and I'm grateful for you. I still hope for the day I'll stop being such a coward and will be able to off things. I'm sorry you don't have anyone….. I'm grateful for having my mum but she'd be defo better off without me.
im really sorry to hear that. how long ago did you attempt? maybe I'm just being biased , but if I had a kid and that kid died , my whole world would be gone. u mentioned that u have ur mom, now u mentioned some family as well, but u also mentioned that u have a friend. dont know if the friend ur referring to is a close friend or not, but do u think that this person would be very affected by ur passing ? My friend ctb'd, and i have never been able to move past it. it was the only close friend i I ever had
 
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Temporal_Anchorite

Temporal_Anchorite

wanting outta this bitch
Sep 23, 2022
138
If it weren't for my meds, I literally wouldn't be able to function or get out of bed
 
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C

Cute_&_Loving

I like trinkets:)
May 10, 2023
424
im really sorry to hear that. how long ago did you attempt? maybe I'm just being biased , but if I had a kid and that kid died , my whole world would be gone. u mentioned that u have ur mom, now u mentioned some family as well, but u also mentioned that u have a friend. dont know if the friend ur referring to is a close friend or not, but do u think that this person would be very affected by ur passing ? My friend ctb'd, and i have never been able to move past it. it was the only close friend i I ever had
Thank you…. My mom explicitly said she wanted to live, no matter what…. And she's got my brother. And my niece. I'm only close with my mom. I know it's gonna affect my niece a lot….. but I think when she grows up she will understand. I met my friend here. She's also suicidal although she's much younger than myself but she's being very hopeless about her future….. I don't have irl friends. I've only got my mom. I'm no use to her and a huge burden. I really hope that by the time I'm ready to leave my friend would meet someone special or something else, something great would happen to her and she would change her mind.
Hard to stay alive for the sake of others when you'rve never been truly happy as an adult and never will be. Selfish or not, I wasn't born to keep on siiffering for the sake of others…. I'm no Jesus….
I'm really sorry about your friend….. 🫂
 
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L

lunar echo

Member
Jul 6, 2024
28
Thank you…. My mom explicitly said she wanted to live, no matter what…. And she's got my brother. And my niece. I'm only close with my mom. I know it's gonna affect my niece a lot….. but I think when she grows up she will understand. I met my friend here. She's also suicidal although she's much younger than myself but she's being very hopeless about her future….. I don't have irl friends. I've only got my mom. I'm no use to her and a huge burden. I really hope that by the time I'm ready to leave my friend would meet someone special or something else, something great would happen to her and she would change her mind.
Hard to stay alive for the sake of others when you'rve never been truly happy as an adult and never will be. Selfish or not, I wasn't born to keep on siiffering for the sake of others…. I'm no Jesus….
I'm really sorry about your friend….. 🫂
im sure that even if ur mum stated explicitly that she wanted to live, she would still be devastated by the loss of her daughter, most parents would be. as they say, its a parents worst nightmare, to bury their own child. And ur right, ur not Jesus, and you shouldnt be bearing all of this suffering. its nice that u found a friend here. you probably understand each othe well then, but it s always sad, seeing a young person with no hope for a good future. since ur friend is also struggling, were there any attempts too, for them ? im asking because that was the case with my friend, but no one treated it seriously, until it was too late. its just something that haunts me to this day. thank you for the hugs, and for ur understanding.
 
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Cute_&_Loving

I like trinkets:)
May 10, 2023
424
My mum would probably be sad…..
I don't want to disclose any more information regarding my friend. I'm afraid I ahead already said too much.

Sometimes suicide is a rational, well informed decision based on some hard core facts. I hate it that our loved ones have to be affected by such decision. I wish there was more understanding between suicidal people and everyone else…. However, death is part of life, suicide or not…. And tbh, I don't see much of a difference between pain that a parent has to go through when they lose their child and pain a child will go through when they lose their parents.
 
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L

lunar echo

Member
Jul 6, 2024
28
My mum would probably be sad…..
I don't want to disclose any more information regarding my friend. I'm afraid I ahead already said too much.

Sometimes suicide is a rational, well informed decision based on some hard core facts. I hate it that our loved ones have to be affected by such decision. I wish there was more understanding between suicidal people and everyone else…. However, death is part of life, suicide or not…. And tbh, I don't see much of a difference between pain that a parent has to go through when they lose their child and pain a child will go through when they lose their parents.
i absolutely understand. u seem like a very loyal friend. I hope that u and ur friend will be able to find at least some happiness while u are here. i do think tho that ur mum would be more than sad. actually, i think ur right, regarding the death of a parent and a kid. I also agree with u saying that suicide can be rational, but i feel that in many cases, impulsivity leads to irrational decisions, and too often there are ppl who lose their lives bc it. its a sad world.
 
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C

Cute_&_Loving

I like trinkets:)
May 10, 2023
424
i absolutely understand. u seem like a very loyal friend. I hope that u and ur friend will be able to find at least some happiness while u are here. i do think tho that ur mum would be more than sad. actually, i think ur right, regarding the death of a parent and a kid. I also agree with u saying that suicide can be rational, but i feel that in many cases, impulsivity leads to irrational decisions, and too often there are ppl who lose their lives bc it. its a sad world.
Thank you ever so)))

It's true that especially kids these days can be impulsive and in many cases their problems can be solved….. but when you've been sitting on your decision for years it's not impulsive anymore. Maybe I'll get lucky with cancer or something.
 
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L

lunar echo

Member
Jul 6, 2024
28
Thank you ever so)))

It's true that especially kids these days can be impulsive and in many cases their problems can be solved….. but when you've been sitting on your decision for years it's not impulsive anymore. Maybe I'll get lucky with cancer or something.
i dont know if getting cancer would be a good thing. its like watching ur whole body die. when u look at cancer patients, its like they look already dead. im sure that it wouldnt be a good death. it would be a long and a miserable one, dont u think ?
 
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C

Cute_&_Loving

I like trinkets:)
May 10, 2023
424
i dont know if getting cancer would be a good thing. its like watching ur whole body die. when u look at cancer patients, its like they look already dead. im sure that it wouldnt be a good death. it would be a long and a miserable one, dont u think ?
It's true. Especially when it comes brain tumors….. they scare me. It's one of the worst type of cancer it seems….. But maybe….just maybe when I realize I'm dying anyways and if it's too painful I'll stop being a coward or something. Of course there's no way of knowing it feels really feels like….. but I know that staying alive is also not an option anymore…… if I do get cancer then at least I will know my birth was indeed a mistake)))
 
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L

lunar echo

Member
Jul 6, 2024
28
It's true. Especially when it comes brain tumors….. they scare me. It's one of the worst type of cancer it seems….. But maybe….just maybe when I realize I'm dying anyways and if it's too painful I'll stop being a coward or something. Of course there's no way of knowing it feels really feels like….. but I know that staying alive is also not an option anymore…… if I do get cancer then at least I will know my birth was indeed a mistake)))
brain tumours are indeed very scary. losing the ability to perform basic tasks scares me a lot. ive heard of a man who had a brain tumour that caused him to become aggressive very easily. but was your birth really a mistake ? if u can make even one person smile for a moment, then was it all rlly a mistake ? i can see that u put a lot of effort into the things that u try to convey on this website. being able to empathize gives me a smile on my face.
 
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lita-lassi

lita-lassi

let me spell it out for you: go to hell
Sep 25, 2023
581
if i dont get out of bed and move around at least a little i get dull headaches and nausea. if im really having a hard time i just on the floor next to the bed and start going through an easy stretching routine to get some kind of circulation going and can gradually make myself move more from there. i do the yoga thing where i concentrate hard on feeling all my muscle groups and breathing interacting, relaxing certain things and lengthening/tightening others. limbering and warming up the body can really make it easier to do other physical tasks around the house 🖤
 
C

Cute_&_Loving

I like trinkets:)
May 10, 2023
424
Th
brain tumours are indeed very scary. losing the ability to perform basic tasks scares me a lot. ive heard of a man who had a brain tumour that caused him to become aggressive very easily. but was your birth really a mistake ? if u can make even one person smile for a moment, then was it all rlly a mistake ? i can see that u put a lot of effort into the things that u try to convey on this website. being able to empathize gives me a smile on my face.
Thank you for you kind words. But I believe that if you don't get to experience the most of life then it's been a mistake. Being a waste of space is clearly a mistake. I hope I understand it correctly that you yourself are trying to get better?
 
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yellowjester

yellowjester

Specialist
Jun 2, 2024
338
My growling stomach usually forces me to get out of bed and make food. Otherwise I'd probably stay in bed until noon.
 
L

lunar echo

Member
Jul 6, 2024
28
Th

Thank you for you kind words. But I believe that if you don't get to experience the most of life then it's been a mistake. Being a waste of space is clearly a mistake. I hope I understand it correctly that you yourself are trying to get better?
i dont think that most people experience the most out of life , but I do think that most people experience something good in their life. life is an experience like no other, so getting rid of it would essentially mean getting rid of the possibility to experience anything. no, i am not trying to get better. i dont have anyone to get better for. my family cut off contact with me when they realised how hard it was to give me support
 
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