Venting How do you get people to care about your issues?

[musie]

This is my first post here. I'm not sure if I am looking for a concrete answer, but I do want to get this off my chest.

For context, I have a heart condition that flares up if I take antidepressants, so in recent I have been forced to completely cut off my medication.

It's been tough to say the least.

I am just barely holding on, but I have too much I can't leave behind at this time, so for that reason I will not CTB just yet.

I have a small online group of friends I used to regularly chat and play games with, but I have slowly stopped interacting with them due to my depression worsening.

I want to keep hanging out with them, as they are the only friends I have, but the thing that has been bothering me lately is the fact that no matter how much I try to express my grief, no one seems to care. I just can't keep putting on a facade, pretending to be happy when I'm not in the slightest. I am not the kind of person to outright vent to my friends, as I feel that is rather off putting, so instead I wait for them to ask me how I'm doing.

No one does.

I want so badly for someone to care about how I'm doing. Even when I go days without talking to them, they don't ask about me. It hurts. It makes everything so much worse.

They are pretty much the only people I have to talk to about my suicidal thoughts, yet I can't. It seems like people don't care unless you have an active plan to CTB.

I wish I could go back on my antidepressants and feel okay again. I wish I could go back to being a likable person to them.

That's all. I'm not great with expressing my feelings through writing, but hopefully I can get better with each post. Just writing this at all makes me a feel a tiny bit better. At least I can be heard somewhere.

 

[Jealous Blackheart]

I wait for them to ask me how I'm doing.

I go days without talking to them, they don't ask about me.

I don't know. I'm a difficult person to like, much less care about but if I knew how to make people care I would write a guide and share it with you.
What I can say is this, life is not a waiting game. Just waiting for things to happen is not a winning strat. Whatever the scale of the universe and human existence within it, you have some degree of agency.

Consider this. Imagine you have a friend who disappears for unspecified periods of time and plays their cards close to their chest. Would you be more inclined to think that person was waiting to be asked how they were doing, or would you think that person wasn't very interested in you and/or just isn't a very open or social person and would prefer to not be bothered? It's difficult to know how other people are thinking.

Beyond that, you would be surprised how woefully unequipped and unprepared most people are when it comes to the conversation of suicide and even just processing grief. You wouldn't expect a sunflower to hold up a treehouse would you? I've been suicidal longer than I haven't over the course of my life and I still come off as insensitive towards people I ought to understand deeply.

I don't know how to make people care. I don't even know if it's worth trying. But I do know that if it is something that you want, waiting isn't the answer. Hopefully you find more people on here that understand what you're going though and make you feel seen.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Welcome to the SaSu!

Feel free to vent here as much you like you will be understood here. Nobody is gonna judge you here.

I'm sorry your antidepressants (that would obviously make you feel better) interfere with your heart condition. I hope you can find a solution to that.

 

[musie]

I don't know. I'm a difficult person to like, much less care about but if I knew how to make people care I would write a guide and share it with you.
What I can say is this, life is not a waiting game. Just waiting for things to happen is not a winning strat. Whatever the scale of the universe and human existence within it, you have some degree of agency.

Consider this. Imagine you have a friend who disappears for unspecified periods of time and plays their cards close to their chest. Would you be more inclined to think that person was waiting to be asked how they were doing, or would you think that person wasn't very interested in you and/or just isn't a very open or social person and would prefer to not be bothered? It's difficult to know how other people are thinking.

Beyond that, you would be surprised how woefully unequipped and unprepared most people are when it comes to the conversation of suicide and even just processing grief. You wouldn't expect a sunflower to hold up a treehouse would you? I've been suicidal longer than I haven't over the course of my life and I still come off as insensitive towards people I ought to understand deeply.

I don't know how to make people care. I don't even know if it's worth trying. But I do know that if it is something that you want, waiting isn't the answer. Hopefully you find more people on here that understand what you're going though and make you feel seen.

Thank you for taking the time to read and respond!

Looking at a different perspective on things is really helpful. My thoughts on things can often be irrational due to my bpd.

I will definitely take what you said to heart, and try to be more transparent with them.

Welcome to the SaSu!

Feel free to vent here as much you like you will be understood here. Nobody is gonna judge you here.

I'm sorry your antidepressants (that would obviously make you feel better) interfere with your heart condition. I hope you can find a solution to that.

Thank you for your kind words. I very much appreciate them.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It does sound very difficult.

With regards to friends, It's so sad to say but I think a lot of people struggle with people who are always down. My Dad once told me- probably try to protect and forewarn me- that people will only listen to problems so far, then they'll get fed up with it.

It's really upsetting for the person suffering and it can be very isolating. To be truthful though, I've also been on the receiving end of it, where someone was continually venting to me. I wanted to be a good friend but in truth, it got to a point where I felt like I couldn't handle their problems and mine. To be fair also, I vented to them too. I tried to limit my venting and they did also in time.

I think it's just a difficult situation because, obviously we want someone to empathise with us but, if they empathise too much, it can end up bringing them down also. I think sometimes we have to consider the other person and think- maybe they can't handle this. Which is a horrible thing to accept, I know.

As for what to do though. I guess you have to almost assess what 'type' of friends these are. Are they 'fair weather' friends? Do they only want to share good times? In which case, maybe they are good for that but, you probably won't realistically get much more.

There may be people out there who will want to help and listen to you. Here is a very good place to vent and really let loose. There's also the other option that you pay someone to listen to the worst of it I suppose- a therapist. Not that I'm a huge fan but, I think it has helped some people. Have you tried anything like it?

I hope you can find some sollace here. At least there isn't an obligation to pretend to be ok here. Hopefully it will give you a space to express how you really feel.

 

[musie]

Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It does sound very difficult.

With regards to friends, It's so sad to say but I think a lot of people struggle with people who are always down. My Dad once told me- probably try to protect and forewarn me- that people will only listen to problems so far, then they'll get fed up with it.

It's really upsetting for the person suffering and it can be very isolating. To be truthful though, I've also been on the receiving end of it, where someone was continually venting to me. I wanted to be a good friend but in truth, it got to a point where I felt like I couldn't handle their problems and mine. To be fair also, I vented to them too. I tried to limit my venting and they did also in time.

I think it's just a difficult situation because, obviously we want someone to empathise with us but, if they empathise too much, it can end up bringing them down also. I think sometimes we have to consider the other person and think- maybe they can't handle this. Which is a horrible thing to accept, I know.

As for what to do though. I guess you have to almost assess what 'type' of friends these are. Are they 'fair weather' friends? Do they only want to share good times? In which case, maybe they are good for that but, you probably won't realistically get much more.

There may be people out there who will want to help and listen to you. Here is a very good place to vent and really let loose. There's also the other option that you pay someone to listen to the worst of it I suppose- a therapist. Not that I'm a huge fan but, I think it has helped some people. Have you tried anything like it?

I hope you can find some sollace here. At least there isn't an obligation to pretend to be ok here. Hopefully it will give you a space to express how you really feel.

Thank you for the welcome and taking the time to write such a thoughtful response.

It is true that some people just don't have the capacity to listen through venting, which is understandable. It can definitely be draining.
I used to read a lot of philosophy while I was in school, and I think back to Aristotle's three types of friendships. Perhaps they are just friendships of pleasure, which is fine. Each type of friendship is important in some way. I just need to seek out a different kind of friendship.

As for therapy, I do see one only once a month, due to financial reasons. To be completely truthful, I'm scared to tell her how bad I have gotten. We worked so hard, and I really was doing better for quite a while. How could I tell her that has all gone down the drain? I see her in a week from now, and I am still indecisive on what I want to do, but keeping my true feelings locked away and practically lying for 50 minutes is definitely a waste of money. I've considered terminating the sessions altogether.

But again, thank you for listening. It has been helpful to express my feelings here, and I will definitely continue to use this platform to do so in the future.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Thank you for the welcome and taking the time to write such a thoughtful response.

It is true that some people just don't have the capacity to listen through venting, which is understandable. It can definitely be draining.
I used to read a lot of philosophy while I was in school, and I think back to Aristotle's three types of friendships. Perhaps they are just friendships of pleasure, which is fine. Each type of friendship is important in some way. I just need to seek out a different kind of friendship.

As for therapy, I do see one only once a month, due to financial reasons. To be completely truthful, I'm scared to tell her how bad I have gotten. We worked so hard, and I really was doing better for quite a while. How could I tell her that has all gone down the drain? I see her in a week from now, and I am still indecisive on what I want to do, but keeping my true feelings locked away and practically lying for 50 minutes is definitely a waste of money. I've considered terminating the sessions altogether.

But again, thank you for listening. It has been helpful to express my feelings here, and I will definitely continue to use this platform to do so in the future.

That sounds very interesting- the three types of friendship. I shall have to look into that.

Personally, I think you should tell your therapist. You don't have to be totally honest I guess. Even just saying that you feel like you are slipping back down at times ought to prompt her to help. If she has been useful in the past, it seems worth a try. I doubt she'll take it personally if you say you feel like you're relapsing a bit. I'm sure it isn't a straight path for everyone. That's what you're paying her for at the end of the day. I hope things improve.