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despairagus

despairagus

New Member
Aug 17, 2018
2
I've made attempts several times. abilify, Ritalin, and Ambien was first, then wrists. After that traffic (on foot), then femoral, then Phentermine. Every time (aside from traffic) I chickened out. Someone made me feel like they gave a shit for a couple of days, I called hospital, made myself vomit, what have you.

So, question: All those times, I really thought I was ready. How do you know you're really and truly there?

Also, hi, I'm new.
 
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S

Santiago

Mage
Mar 25, 2018
588
If I knew I wouldn't be here anymore I guess.
 
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T

typx

Specialist
May 4, 2018
381
It's such a personal question. I'm not sure anyone can answer it.

I read a quote a while ago..

"When the smoke gets thick enough; step outside."

That resonates with me.
 
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Volatile

Volatile

God
Jun 18, 2018
1,286
When there aren't any options left in improving your life. I'm at that point
 
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D

Deleted_9cKnXB34QG

Mage
Jun 26, 2018
501
When the only thing that matters is the success chance of your method.
When thinking about it makes you excited, happy even.
When you simply can't wait to do it and you don't come up with stupid excuses anymore.

At least for me it is like that. I still have some anxiety about failing but other than that I'm pretty much ready to go this year. I feel so disconnected from everything like I'm too far gone at this point, there's no coming back.
 
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S

Santiago

Mage
Mar 25, 2018
588
With all due respect then, but I don't believe people can know they are 100% ready until they are about to actually do it.

I've seen some very very determined people change their minds at the last second due to a variety of reasons.
 
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lastsummer

lastsummer

Member
Jul 28, 2018
56
I have a list of things that I have to get it done before I cbt. When those lists checked out, I know I'm ready.
 
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T

Tiburcio

Guest
It's not matter of "if you are ready" because it itself is a very vague question. When you have a safe method then you are ready, even if you feel fear.
More simple: if do you think fighting and struggling will be better than simply being in absolute peace, you will never do it. You won't face the freedom. You will fight in a draining war for a too long time.


But it's not my problem and I don't care at all what any of you does. If you die and waste your life, good for you. If you try to postpone it and be trapped in your situation more time, good for you. I don't care your choices at all and I won't be affected in any case. The only thing I'm sure is I'm ready in both cases and if when I'm saying goodbye somebody says me "you are not ready", I'll punch his stomach.
 
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S

Santiago

Mage
Mar 25, 2018
588
It's not matter of "if you are ready" because it itself is a very vague question. When you have a safe method then you are ready, even if you feel fear.
More simple: if do you think fighting and struggling will be better than simply being in absolute peace, you will never do it. You won't face the freedom. You will fight in a draining war for a too long time.


But it's not my problem and I don't care at all what any of you does. If you die, good for you. If you try to postpone it and be trapped in your situation more time, good for you. I don't care your choices at all and I won't be affected in any case. The only thing I'm sure is I'm ready in both cases and if when I'm saying goodbye somebody says me "you are not ready", I'll punch his stomach.

The point is that nobody knows how their mind will react when they are actually at the point of going for it.
 
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T

Tiburcio

Guest
The point is that nobody knows how their mind will react when they are actually at the point of going for it.
In the most part of cases: fear.

Means this somebody is not ready or is not his moment? No.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
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Volatile

Volatile

God
Jun 18, 2018
1,286
The point is that nobody knows how their mind will react when they are actually at the point of going for it.
A bottle of whiskey should be enough to combat any doubts
 
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Volatile

Volatile

God
Jun 18, 2018
1,286
In the most part of cases: fear.

Means this somebody is not reasy or is not his moment? No.
The only way to overcome fear is to embrace it
 
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S

Santiago

Mage
Mar 25, 2018
588
In the most part of cases: fear.

Means this somebody is not reasy or is not his moment? No.

We will have to agree to disagree then because I would answer that question with yes.

If I put that gun in my mouth and my mind chickens out and some instinct kicks in and I end up not doing it then I will personally definitely start to doubt if I am really ready.
 
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Volatile

Volatile

God
Jun 18, 2018
1,286
We will have to agree to disagree then because I would answer that question with yes.

If I put that gun in my mouth and my mind chickens out and some instinct kicks in and I end up not doing it then I will personally definitely start to doubt if I am really ready.
The survival instinct will kick in whenever you attempt while sober
 
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S

Santiago

Mage
Mar 25, 2018
588
I must say @Volatile you make a lot of assumptions on what the moment is gonna be like for somebody who has 0 experiences with the actual moment of almost killing yourself.

Truth is you don't know if alcohol will do the trick.

Also 'embracing fear' sounds very poetic and all, but reality might just be a bit different.

You could be right. You may very well be wrong. This uncertainty is why I wouldn't consider myself or anyone else who hasn't attempted before 100% ready.

Once again we will agree to disagree.
 
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T

Tiburcio

Guest
If I put that gun in my mouth and my mind chickens out and some instinct kicks in and I end up not doing it then I will personally definitely start to doubt if I am really ready.
That's ever going to happen. Shooting or not it's different, but the fear is always there.

I know what you are trying to explain but I don't think it. 6 years ago, I tried it: I dimply couldn't. One month ago, the same. The difference between me in the past and know is now I know what I must do. But fear always fucks it up.
 
Volatile

Volatile

God
Jun 18, 2018
1,286
I must say @Volatile you make a lot of assumptions on what the moment is gonna be like for somebody who has 0 experiences with the actual moment of almost killing yourself.

Truth is you don't know if alcohol will do the trick.

Also 'embracing fear' sounds very poetic and all, but reality might just be a bit different.

You could be right. You may very well be wrong. This uncertainty is why I wouldn't consider myself or anyone else who hasn't attempted before 100% ready.

Once again we will agree to disagree.
I stood against the railing of the Golden Gate Bridge several years ago contemplating a jump. I wasn't afraid
 
S

Santiago

Mage
Mar 25, 2018
588
That's ever going to happen. Shooting or not it's different, but the fear is always there.

I know what you are trying to explain but I don't think it. 6 years ago, I tried it: I dimply couldn't. One month ago, the same. The difference between me in the past and know is now I know what I must do. But fear always fucks it up.
I believe in some people not experiencing fear before commiting suicide. Hence until I have reached that point I don't think I will consider myself 100% ready.
 
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Volatile

Volatile

God
Jun 18, 2018
1,286
I believe in some people not experiencing fear before commiting suicide. Hence until I have reached that point I don't think I will consider myself 100% ready.
Well, when you die of old age you probably still won't be 100% ready
 
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T

typx

Specialist
May 4, 2018
381
The only way to overcome fear is to embrace it

Well, when you die of old age you probably still won't be 100% ready

So wise. One moment you're making gross and offensive comments about shit or blood or whatever. The next you're impressing everyone with your wisdom.
 
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S

Santiago

Mage
Mar 25, 2018
588
Well, when you die of old age you probably still won't be 100% ready
Obviously not.

If I am alive until an old age then that means I had something to live for.
 
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Volatile

Volatile

God
Jun 18, 2018
1,286
May I ask you what stopped you from jumping then?
I was early 20s and knew there was still several chances to turn it all around. Those chances didn't pan out. I also didn't go there to jump. I went there to see the bridge and contemplate jumping there in the future
 
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T

typx

Specialist
May 4, 2018
381
I was early 20s and knew there was still several chances to turn it all around. Those chances didn't pan out. I also didn't go there to jump. I went there to see the bridge and contemplate jumping there in the future

So of course you weren't afraid. You weren't there to jump.
 
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Volatile

Volatile

God
Jun 18, 2018
1,286
So wise. One moment you're making gross and offensive comments about shit or blood or whatever. The next you're impressing everyone with your wisdom.
Are you surprised that I'm not one-dimensional?
 
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S

Santiago

Mage
Mar 25, 2018
588
For some reason I thought you went over the railing and stood on the very edge.
 
Volatile

Volatile

God
Jun 18, 2018
1,286
So of course you weren't afraid. You weren't there to jump.
I envisioned myself jumping and felt like it was out-of-bounds. I couldn't grasp that it was actually possible to free myself just like that
 
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D

Deleted member 847

Guest
You mean how do I know when it's time for me to leave this meat bag? Well my deadline is the end of august the day before my exam. I just don't feel like going to school, dead men don't need jobs.
 
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