• Hey Guest,

    An update on the OFCOM situation: As you know, censorship around the world has been ramping up at an alarming pace. OFCOM, the UK’s communications regulator, has singled out our community, demanding compliance with their Online Safety Act despite our minimal UK presence. This is a blatant overreach, and they have been sending letters pressuring us to comply with their censorship agenda.

    Our platform is already blocked by many UK ISPs, yet they continue their attempts to stifle free speech. Standing up to this kind of regulatory overreach requires lots of resources to maintain our infrastructure and fight back against these unjust demands. If you value our community and want to support us during this time, we would greatly appreciate any and all donations.

    Read more about the situation here: Click to View Post

    Donate via cryptocurrency:

    Bitcoin (BTC): 39deg9i6Zp1GdrwyKkqZU6rAbsEspvLBJt
    Ethereum (ETH): 0xd799aF8E2e5cEd14cdb344e6D6A9f18011B79BE9
    Monero (XMR): 49tuJbzxwVPUhhDjzz6H222Kh8baKe6rDEsXgE617DVSDD8UKNaXvKNU8dEVRTAFH9Av8gKkn4jDzVGF25snJgNfUfKKNC8
A

affirmatice

Student
Aug 31, 2024
148
I cannot live anymore like this. I've had bad suicidal thoughts now for a few months.

I'm still "living" my life. But it's insanely difficult. I was at a work event recently. And I had to go through the motions of all the meetings and talking to people while the whole time I was debating whether or not to CTB.

How do I make this choice? I think I need to decide whether or not to CTB - in which case I will give up on trying and plan for that. Or to stay alive - in which case I will do my best to keep trying.

I tried weighing the pros and cons but I didn't really see a conclusion.

I guess worst case scenario- I've been depressed for 5 years due to physical ailments (more so affecting my appearance than my health). I can continue living but that's not a life I want to live if I'm going to continue to be depressed, insecure, and miserable. I don't want to look back in 5 years and realize I spent another 5 years of my life depressed and missing out. I'd rather die than live a half-assed sad life.

best case scenario - I somehow (seems impossible), overcome the physical limitations or accept them. I find confidence and happiness again. I experience the things I want the most - experiences, love, most importantly being happy with myself.
 
  • Like
Reactions: ilk, Ondine0000ff and vanillamilkshakes
vanillamilkshakes

vanillamilkshakes

Aspiring Corpse
Aug 26, 2024
437
I'm sorry that you are in so much pain. Remember to try everything else before choosing CTB. Don't attempt on impulse, it may fail and you'll end up in a psychiatric ward. Good luck on whatever journey you choose :heart:
 
A

affirmatice

Student
Aug 31, 2024
148
I'm sorry that you are in so much pain. Remember to try everything else before choosing CTB. Don't attempt on impulse, it may fail and you'll end up in a psychiatric ward. Good luck on whatever journey you choose :heart:
I think… I've tried everything.

I've pushed my life in every possible way it could improve. Physically fit, making lots of money, socializing, had some relationships, went to therapy.

I realized I will never be able to overcome the physical limitations that constantly plague my mind. Unless I experience some drastic mindset change. Which I don't think is possible and also I don't want to change who I am just to cope with my life now. As sad as it sounds I don't want to become some wise, philosophical, "strong" person.

I'd rather be the way I was, a bit cocky, vain, feeling invincible in life. And that's not possible anymore.

For me I think, living a life at 50% or 60% is the same as 0%. I want to love every part of my life. And with my physical struggles i don't think i can even reach close to 100%
 
  • Hugs
  • Like
Reactions: ilk, daley and vanillamilkshakes

Similar threads

Tombs_in_your_eyes
Replies
10
Views
424
Suicide Discussion
CravingPeace
C
slightoverlooked
Replies
9
Views
301
Offtopic
strawberrydino
strawberrydino
easypeasy
Replies
43
Views
1K
Suicide Discussion
BloomingAzaleas
BloomingAzaleas