The human brain is quite weak and strong, we are not some super god-like being machines, drugs are almost an unfair way of battling what we call depression or suicidality induced not by chemical imbalance (which honestly sounds like bollocks in 50% of the cases recorded, it sounds like a simple stamp of approval so people can sell their treatment instead of actually doing shit and finding new treatment), I can't just lie to myself because the brain is so weak it allows substances to interact with it and even if it did work that way I probably went through 10-20 different meds and almost none had a noticeable effect on me, the only ones that did made me unable to do anything and basically made me bed ridden.
I wholeheartedly believe in the: if you can't get to the root of the problem, if literally the whole world can't turn around and help you understand your illness, any other attempt is pointless because the moment you are gonna end up in the same situation, the world will not rescue you, the first time could be luck for all you care, but what about the 2nd try or 3rd try, honestly I think about it and just say to myself 'why even try to get better, even if I do, if I ever get worse, it'll be even harder for myself to get better, nobody gives a dime"
Be honest, those people who like youtubers or celebrities, some might think :Yeah bro I'd definitely help out "x" or "y" if something happened to them but if those X and Y were not celebrities or popular figures, nobody would give a shit, they'd be another one of the users on this forum; Some might say: BuT iT's BeCauSe of DeveLoped EmPaThY oVeRtiMe. Yeah right, empathy, you serving yourself is apparently empathy, you being a somewhat neutral person but only choosing to act when it might benefit you is apparently empathy, it's not being a two-faced self centered piece of shit. BUT MUH NATURE MADE ME THIS WAY, ok, and? can't you go past your "programming"? you probably can, you just don't want to.
I believe that being good most of the time but having moments where evil surfaces make you more evil than a murderer, yes objectively it's not the case but from my view it is, at least I know what I'm expecting to happen from staying around a serial killer and any deviation from his normal behaviour would be a pleasantry since he theoretically should be rock bottom evil; however a "good person" having a small deviation and being an arse or using you, scars you forever in a way that an evil person can't, they can't take you by surprise like a loved one who takes of their mask can, they are not close to you.
The answer is either to be superficial and an arse myself , or to end my life, I reckon I could be a pretty good evil doer if I got the chance, but why should I do that, what would that grant me? would it grant me peace? would it grant me happiness? would it grant me the closure of knowing we live in a great world? no, it will just grant me more opportunities to get backstabbed and used, the theory that evil people have some kind of brother/sister/father/mother bonding is so idiotic you should slap yourself over the mouth if you ever said it out loud, evil people KNOW how to pretend that they are in a bonding relationship, they are so deluded that they think the other party is fooled by their act, they are unironically unknowingly fooling themselves, at the smallest of opportunity both can and will betray each other for peanuts. And this can happen with "normal" people too, don't you worry about it; I know very well from my friends and family, what kind of animals humans can become.
Ok so now if someone could tell me on what cure could work for me ? exactly, there is none, the idiots who would cry about changing yourself on a fundamental level or searching for god should clip their nose and mouth shut and become anaerobic: But I can't do that, I am literally unable to become anaerobic , I need to breathe in air!; same buddy, that's why I mentioned it as an example. "But you are not letting yourself heal, you are not allowing any medicine or method to work, how can't you see that!" it makes no sense right? OH BUT IT does , why should I let these things "work" , why should I comply with a world that I am fundamentally against , I really don't understand why it's hard for us to explain this and have people understand.
And also this is the most important part that I wanna hear an actual human being talk about: why do people use "most people get better" phrase and why shouldn't we just gouge our eyes and literally cry for our sins to every non existent god in the universe because 40% of those people die and succumb to their illness or circumstances, OH RIGHT BECAUSE SAY IT WITH ME "there is no e m p a t h y, most people are self centered bastards"; empathy or at least a higher level of empathy is a mutation in DNA which leads to neurodivergent people living in hell; have you seen a "how to be evil class in school"???? No! but I DID SEE AN ETHICS CLASS , HAHAHAHAHAH.
I actually feel bad knowing right now that there are kids suffering from things I will not mention or that right now someone just got blown to pieces or that somewhere now a kid is praying to some god that doesn't even exist to help his parents stay together, which is probably or probably happened from the time I started writing this to now a dozen times at least. I can't stop doing that, I literally can't and so I can't live in this world but some people will literally shrug it and say "meh" , yeah I don't get this, the human mind is so flawed I literally can't wait to die and not be a disgusting walking hairless ape/lizard descendant that should have remained unicellular life on the bottom of an ocean for the rest of time.
I wholeheartedly believe in the: if you can't get to the root of the problem, if literally the whole world can't turn around and help you understand your illness, any other attempt is pointless because the moment you are gonna end up in the same situation, the world will not rescue you, the first time could be luck for all you care, but what about the 2nd try or 3rd try, honestly I think about it and just say to myself 'why even try to get better, even if I do, if I ever get worse, it'll be even harder for myself to get better, nobody gives a dime"
Be honest, those people who like youtubers or celebrities, some might think :Yeah bro I'd definitely help out "x" or "y" if something happened to them but if those X and Y were not celebrities or popular figures, nobody would give a shit, they'd be another one of the users on this forum; Some might say: BuT iT's BeCauSe of DeveLoped EmPaThY oVeRtiMe. Yeah right, empathy, you serving yourself is apparently empathy, you being a somewhat neutral person but only choosing to act when it might benefit you is apparently empathy, it's not being a two-faced self centered piece of shit. BUT MUH NATURE MADE ME THIS WAY, ok, and? can't you go past your "programming"? you probably can, you just don't want to.
I believe that being good most of the time but having moments where evil surfaces make you more evil than a murderer, yes objectively it's not the case but from my view it is, at least I know what I'm expecting to happen from staying around a serial killer and any deviation from his normal behaviour would be a pleasantry since he theoretically should be rock bottom evil; however a "good person" having a small deviation and being an arse or using you, scars you forever in a way that an evil person can't, they can't take you by surprise like a loved one who takes of their mask can, they are not close to you.
The answer is either to be superficial and an arse myself , or to end my life, I reckon I could be a pretty good evil doer if I got the chance, but why should I do that, what would that grant me? would it grant me peace? would it grant me happiness? would it grant me the closure of knowing we live in a great world? no, it will just grant me more opportunities to get backstabbed and used, the theory that evil people have some kind of brother/sister/father/mother bonding is so idiotic you should slap yourself over the mouth if you ever said it out loud, evil people KNOW how to pretend that they are in a bonding relationship, they are so deluded that they think the other party is fooled by their act, they are unironically unknowingly fooling themselves, at the smallest of opportunity both can and will betray each other for peanuts. And this can happen with "normal" people too, don't you worry about it; I know very well from my friends and family, what kind of animals humans can become.
Ok so now if someone could tell me on what cure could work for me ? exactly, there is none, the idiots who would cry about changing yourself on a fundamental level or searching for god should clip their nose and mouth shut and become anaerobic: But I can't do that, I am literally unable to become anaerobic , I need to breathe in air!; same buddy, that's why I mentioned it as an example. "But you are not letting yourself heal, you are not allowing any medicine or method to work, how can't you see that!" it makes no sense right? OH BUT IT does , why should I let these things "work" , why should I comply with a world that I am fundamentally against , I really don't understand why it's hard for us to explain this and have people understand.
And also this is the most important part that I wanna hear an actual human being talk about: why do people use "most people get better" phrase and why shouldn't we just gouge our eyes and literally cry for our sins to every non existent god in the universe because 40% of those people die and succumb to their illness or circumstances, OH RIGHT BECAUSE SAY IT WITH ME "there is no e m p a t h y, most people are self centered bastards"; empathy or at least a higher level of empathy is a mutation in DNA which leads to neurodivergent people living in hell; have you seen a "how to be evil class in school"???? No! but I DID SEE AN ETHICS CLASS , HAHAHAHAHAH.
I actually feel bad knowing right now that there are kids suffering from things I will not mention or that right now someone just got blown to pieces or that somewhere now a kid is praying to some god that doesn't even exist to help his parents stay together, which is probably or probably happened from the time I started writing this to now a dozen times at least. I can't stop doing that, I literally can't and so I can't live in this world but some people will literally shrug it and say "meh" , yeah I don't get this, the human mind is so flawed I literally can't wait to die and not be a disgusting walking hairless ape/lizard descendant that should have remained unicellular life on the bottom of an ocean for the rest of time.
