How is the relationship with your family?

[Oyashiro-sama]

How is the relationship with your family?
You get along with your parents? Brothers, sisters, etc ...?

In my case I do not get along very well with my parents, but I recognize that it is my fault, I am a very, very irritable person and more when I am depressed, I do not have siblings and I do not have any contact with my cousins.

 

[Sayo]

Estranged from my paternal family.

My mom and I are close. It hurts me to say bad things about her. Honestly, we are enmeshed. Since I was very young we have had an inverted adult child dynamic, but she is my carer so it translates into almost codependency. I love her a lot. She did enable a lot of my childhood abuse even if it was also targeted at her.

My brother and I are aged one year apart and he used to be my best friend. We're both avoidant so we haven't talked as much in a while. Maybe slightly less often than most adults, but even as adults we talked every day. I'm very isolated and he's not. It hurts unbearably.

My maternal extended relatives are fine and clearly care about me a lot, even if they also have a lot of issues. Growing up I was expected to process a lot of complicated family dynamics for my mother and keep a lot of messed up secrets about everyone. It's a little isolating because they don't know I know of course. I feel alienated from them because of my problems acting normal and their tendency to infantilise me.

I would be alone utterly without my family so I could be much unluckier. This is a poor summary of the issues but already long.

 

[CRM]

We're all in our own worlds, and have little contact with each other. I never felt an attachment to my family like most people. I've been closer to friends than family on several occasions.

 

[Tiburcio]

HORRIBLE.

 

[okyeah]

I barely know who my parents are. I am estranged from them. My father has said it has been "my responsibility" to get to know him...Since I was a fucking child - and I never did that. Lol. He is pathetic. Not a man. I have never received any active guidance and have never had an actual father figure in my life. My mom is schizophrenic so she sleeps all day and sits around doing nothing. I should be moving out of my parents but I have resigned myself to death at this point so the only thing I care about is that my bed is more comfortable at my parents. I don't really care about moving out anymore.

Only child. No extended family contact (I don't know them).

Not really surprised why I'm in the position I am in. I've just accepted it finally instead of deluding myself into thinking it will get better.

 

[Life sucks]

0

 

[Radaghast94]

I am still basically taken care of by my parents and I'm 24. I love them dearly I know they care about me as well. To be honest at this point I feel like I'm ruining the household with my constant anxiety and hopeless attitude, I don't bring much to the table. I also have a sister but we don't talk much we have a distant sort of love for one another. This sounds like a spoilt thing to say because I'm lucky to have a nice family but I wish they didn't care. I wish they forgot about me because I'm pretty hopeless that I will ever be able to lead any kind of normal life whereby peace of mind is even attainable. I feel like it would be in there best interests to give up on me, cause I've certainly given up on myself.

 

[Sayo]

I am still basically taken care of by my parents and I'm 24. I love them dearly I know they care about me as well. To be honest at this point I feel like I'm ruining the household with my constant anxiety and hopeless attitude, I don't bring much to the table. I also have a sister but we don't talk much we have a distant sort of love for one another. This sounds like a spoilt thing to say because I'm lucky to have a nice family but I wish they didn't care. I wish they forgot about me because I'm pretty hopeless that I will ever be able to lead any kind of normal life whereby peace of mind is even attainable. I feel like it would be in there best interests to give up on me, cause I've certainly given up on myself.

Reading this and looking at your age I wondered delusionally if you're my little brother. But he doesn't live with us I guess and my family is scattered.

Wouldn't that be surreal.

I don't think it's spoilt. You're in a bad place and feel that you're failing people you love and who love you, and might hurt them. And when well meaning people care it's usual to want to please them and be well for them and like them but you can't force it. It's alienating because things that make them happy don't fix it for you. So if you perceive their concern you feel pressure and maybe fear because you feel like they just haven't figured you out yet and you want to avert it, rightt? Do you wish they didn't care to avoid this dread, rather than to take on the situation of the abused? You don't need to compare your pain to anyone else's.

I'm sorry if that's excessive conjecture.

 

[Radaghast94]

Reading this and looking at your age I wondered delusionally if you're my little brother. But he doesn't live with us I guess and my family is scattered.

Wouldn't that be surreal.

I don't think it's spoilt. You're in a bad place and feel that you're failing people you love and who love you, and might hurt them. And when well meaning people care it's usual to want to please them and be well for them and like them but you can't force it. It's alienating because things that make them happy don't fix it for you. So if you perceive their concern you feel pressure and maybe fear because you feel like they just haven't figured you out yet and you want to avert it, rightt? Do you wish they didn't care to avoid this dread, rather than to take on the situation of the abused? You don't need to compare your pain to anyone else's.

I'm sorry if that's excessive conjecture.

They are very well adjusted, in there 60s and I'd rather they had more time to relax than have to worry about me or send me to hospital. Every time I'm with them I feel like a disappointment and burden which eats at me constantly. Primarily I wish they didn't care so I could end it all without having to think about how much they'll grieve. The thought of them finding out makes suicide incredibly difficult for me to execute, even though I feel deep down that all treatments have been exhausted and I'm still really messed up so it would be for the best to end this struggle. All my friends have stopped seeing me and I've cut ties with basically everyone but because my parents are still there it makes it harder for me to make that journey into oblivion.

 

[Blackbird]

I know my parents love me, but they tend to be very invasive about my life, especially my mother, and I hate that, so I try to keep my distance from them.

 

[StarDust]

What family? lol I have none... That is probably a blessing in the end.

 

[Oyashiro-sama]

I am still basically taken care of by my parents and I'm 24. I love them dearly I know they care about me as well. To be honest at this point I feel like I'm ruining the household with my constant anxiety and hopeless attitude, I don't bring much to the table. I also have a sister but we don't talk much we have a distant sort of love for one another. This sounds like a spoilt thing to say because I'm lucky to have a nice family but I wish they didn't care. I wish they forgot about me because I'm pretty hopeless that I will ever be able to lead any kind of normal life whereby peace of mind is even attainable. I feel like it would be in there best interests to give up on me, cause I've certainly given up on myself.

I feel exactly the same.

 

[FairyAlys]

I'm very close to my children. I made sure I wasn't anything like my parents.
My mother came from an abusive background and carried it on with me.
She was cruel; violent; spiteful and bullying. I was never good enough for her.She didn't like me. I never understood it and then once I had my children, I just couldn't comprehend her behaviour towards me at any level.
My father was away a lot and an alcoholic.

Mum had a brain haemorrhage at 49 and was left disabled and finally died twenty years later. Dad ran off with one of her carers. I was estranged from him for 12 years. He's trying and I pretend it's all ok.
Mum started her venom on my children so I protected them and kept them away from her. I still felt I had a responsibility to her so saw her as much as I could, but with of course no thanks.
I think I've said before that I don't feel you ever truly recover from a dysfunctional childhood. I've pretended to be sane and happy but it's caught up with me every so often.
I believe this time it's the end.

 

[Oyashiro-sama]

I'm very close to my children. I made sure I wasn't anything like my parents.
My mother came from an abusive background and carried it on with me.
She was cruel; violent; spiteful and bullying. I was never good enough for her.She didn't like me. I never understood it and then once I had my children, I just couldn't comprehend her behaviour towards me at any level.
My father was away a lot and an alcoholic.

Mum had a brain haemorrhage at 49 and was left disabled and finally died twenty years later. Dad ran off with one of her carers. I was estranged from him for 12 years. He's trying and I pretend it's all ok.
Mum started her venom on my children so I protected them and kept them away from her. I still felt I had a responsibility to her so saw her as much as I could, but with of course no thanks.
I think I've said before that I don't feel you ever truly recover from a dysfunctional childhood. I've pretended to be sane and happy but it's caught up with me every so often.
I believe this time it's the end.

I'm glad that even having the kind of parents you had, you try to be a good mother with your children, you can tell that you love them.

 

[lv-gras]

I'm very close to my children. I made sure I wasn't anything like my parents.
My mother came from an abusive background and carried it on with me.
She was cruel; violent; spiteful and bullying. I was never good enough for her.She didn't like me. I never understood it and then once I had my children, I just couldn't comprehend her behaviour towards me at any level.
My father was away a lot and an alcoholic.

Mum had a brain haemorrhage at 49 and was left disabled and finally died twenty years later. Dad ran off with one of her carers. I was estranged from him for 12 years. He's trying and I pretend it's all ok.
Mum started her venom on my children so I protected them and kept them away from her. I still felt I had a responsibility to her so saw her as much as I could, but with of course no thanks.
I think I've said before that I don't feel you ever truly recover from a dysfunctional childhood. I've pretended to be sane and happy but it's caught up with me every so often.
I believe this time it's the end.

thank you for caring so much for your children

 

[Deleted_9cKnXB34QG]

I only have contact with my mom but I kinda have to be nice to her since I'm a NEET and I can't support myself. Let's just say we tolerate each other, there's no deep emotional connection or anything, at least on my end.
The rest of my family I see as strangers as I don't really know these people, I don't talk to them and frankly I don't care.

 

[DF90]

Low contact or no contact with most members of my family.

 

[Laura]

Absolutely Terrible.

 

[weedoge]

How is the relationship with your family?
You get along with your parents? Brothers, sisters, etc ...?

In my case I do not get along very well with my parents, but I recognize that it is my fault, I am a very, very irritable person and more when I am depressed, I do not have siblings and I do not have any contact with my cousins.

Complicated and tense. I don't have the feelings that I feel I should have for my mother, I've never really known my dad except for a few years when I turned 14 and met him for the first time. I have my sister and my niece too who I love to pieces but the rest of my family are distant and I never see them.

I feel similarly to cheeki_breeki but I waver, sometimes I feel intense guilt and appreciation for what my mum has done for me then sometimes I feel intense hate because I swear she acts like a damn narcissist sometimes. I don't blame her because, like with you, I can be really irritable and lazy too, but I won't come out and tell her it's because I'm depressed or feel like shit, and if I do then she'll turn round and say "thank your lucky stars you don't have to work".

I feel the real problem in my family is pretty much all my fault, I left home for 4 years, my mental illness got worse etc etc. Now I came home and I refuse to help myself, so my mother doesn't know how to help me. In turn making her more stressed and me more guilty... it's just not a nice situation and it's entirely my fault because I won't live my stupid idiot life. I shouldn't ever have come back home to my family honestly.

 

[Cursed Shaman]

i have lost my dad 2 years ago but i have a wonderful mother and sister which make cbt really difficult.

 

[Oyashiro-sama]

Complicated and tense. I don't have the feelings that I feel I should have for my mother, I've never really known my dad except for a few years when I turned 14 and met him for the first time. I have my sister and my niece too who I love to pieces but the rest of my family are distant and I never see them.

I feel similarly to cheeki_breeki but I waver, sometimes I feel intense guilt and appreciation for what my mum has done for me then sometimes I feel intense hate because I swear she acts like a damn narcissist sometimes. I don't blame her because, like with you, I can be really irritable and lazy too, but I won't come out and tell her it's because I'm depressed or feel like shit, and if I do then she'll turn round and say "thank your lucky stars you don't have to work".

I feel the real problem in my family is pretty much all my fault, I left home for 4 years, my mental illness got worse etc etc. Now I came home and I refuse to help myself, so my mother doesn't know how to help me. In turn making her more stressed and me more guilty... it's just not a nice situation and it's entirely my fault because I won't live my stupid idiot life. I shouldn't ever have come back home to my family honestly.

I understand what that is, having certain mental problems that inadvertently fuck those around us, I am irritable, in a bad mood and my mother notices it and has a bad time, but it would be worse if she knew what I want to do (ctb)

 

[FairyAlys]

thank you for caring so much for your children

I don't know how anyone couldn't

 

[Deleted member 1496]

They're only happy when I do what they want. It's never enough, and I get warned not to make mistakes, even when I'm doing work after *they've* made a critical mistake or they can't do the work themselves. They can't fathom the idea that they don't treat me well or that I'd have my own preferences for my own life. I'll be glad when I CTB because it'll end my enmeshment.

 

[Mynameisnotimportant]

My parents are divorced and I lived with my helicopter Mormon mom for a while. When I was 16 I decided to live with my dad and she has hated me ever since and cut me off financially from the college money I was promised since I was a kid. I would very much like to never hear from her again. My dad is cool and we get along well but he's a hard core alt-right trump supporter who tells me that since I'm a woman I'm going to get pregnant and drop out of school.

 

[KCN]

We peacefully disagree about everything, due to the widest generational gap ever. It's not even about age either, since I'm an adult and not a teenager anymore, it's all about mentality. They're still stuck in the middle of the previous century, so there's no way they're going to understand what's going on

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Weird. We were all quite distinct 'till my Mum died. It was awful but it brought my brother and sister and myself closer together. I was finally getting my life in order then I became ill. Now I hardly see or talk to them. My illness has made me isolated. Its very sad, cus I know they are doing their best to help me. They just can't handle the stress of my illness and neither can I! I want to help myself just so that I can help them, but it looks like I will have to choose which way they will suffer.

 

[Final Escape]

It's non existent, I've become distanced from all of them. I guess it makes me sad.

 

[Caustic Cardinals]

I dont have one. Most of my family are apathetic, bigots , or criminally predatorial.

 

[betteroffdead]

My mother is the only one I love & care about enough to keep in touch with. I know she loves me too. That's a big part of the reason why I'm struggling so hard with my decision on when to CTB. But if and when anything happens to her that would definitely be enough to push me over the edge.

My father has never been a part of my life.
My grandfather (the only 'father' figure I had growing up and the only other family member that I genuinely enjoyed being around) died from several different types of cancer in 2014.
My grandmother is a back-stabbing, lying, evil, hypocritical, condescending bitch.
My relationship with everyone else I'm related to is non-existent at this point (I haven't spoken to anyone that I'm related to other than my mom since I moved out in 2016).

My grandmothers side of the family despises me because of the drama between her and I. I hate every single one of them because they're annoying as fuck :).
My grandfathers side of the family refuses to speak to any of us anymore because of my grandmother and the petty drama she caused with my grandfathers (5!) siblings when he died.

..I wrote way too much and I know no one gives a shit so long story short - it's pure shit.
But all in all I guess that's a good thing because I'm positive none of them will notice or care once I'm gone anyways. They never gave me the time of day when I was around and acted social so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

[RM5998]

Complicated and tense.

Yeah, that sums up my relation to my family as well. I'm an only child, so while I know that they decided to have me, a part of me wants to be able to do better, at least for a while, so that I can pay off my financial debts to them. That way, they at least get something out of investing in me for all these years. I'm incapable of returning any emotional investment, but I hope that some day I can at least pay back the money they invested into me.

I've wanted to ask them why they didn't abort me, or decided to have me in the first place. I haven't, because I'm afraid that they'll stop paying for college.