How long did it take you to figure out you were being bullied?

[CogitoMori]

I'm undiagnosed autistic because my parents didn't believe in mental health care even when I said I wanted to die when I was 8. There have been so many scenarios in my life where I think people are being friendly to me or including me when they're doing the opposite. I've always been told I was sensitive, and I can be, so I always doubt malicious intentions and tell myself that I shouldn't react badly, because they didn't mean it badly. Because of that it takes me literal years to finally notice (or get enough evidence I guess) that I'm being treated badly and singled out. One of the earliest examples in my life would be when girls in middle school asked if they could play with my long hair in music class. I let them for a while because I liked it, then they asked if they could put vaseline chapstick in my hair to "moisturize it." I was hesitant and thought it might be a trick, but they were black girls and I thought maybe that's just what they did to their hair, so I let them do it. My hair was greasy with it, and I didn't realize what they were actually doing until they started putting liquid paper in my hair too without saying anything about it. People that I liked would reach out to me a few years after I moved, and tell me that they did like me too, but they rejected and avoided me and went along with the bullies because anyone I liked was automatically a target I guess. It took years to realize I was being bullied via social isolation and it was only because I was told. I feel fucking stupid for ever believing there are good people in this world. Every single time I heal enough to trust someone they just fuck me over or leave me to fend on my own. They all just pretend and leave you behind no matter how much you've helped them or how well you've treated them.

 

[CogitoMori]

I am so sorry for what you've been through. People can be so cruel, especially to autistic people. Have you ever tried to find some neurodivergent friends?

Yeah, but I'm not really trying anymore because I can't trust anyone and that's a lesson I keep having to learn over and over. Someone fairly recently lead me on and tricked me into thinking we were "intimate friends" (their words and I asked if they meant sexually or emotionally and they said emotionally). I told their partner what they did while they were on a supposed "break" and they started gossiping to people I want to be friends with saying I was "trying to cause problems." The partner never confirmed if they were actually on a break or not.

 

[Aimiya]

This is relatable in some ways, except in my case I knew exactly when I was being bullied.
What I needed years to notice was that my "friends" were also doing their best to ignore me.

I was always insecure because of IBS and because I have always acted kinda feminine. I was the tallest in my class, the oldest, and people really have that "manly man" culture here, doesn't help that i have no feminine physical features at all.
So, not wanting to be pushy, I started hanging out with less and less people until I was alone.

Ofc me being autistic and a little weird helped, but another reason was that my bullies(3 sometimes but usually just 2), who'd pop my bike's tires constantly, throw my shoes on the school's ceiling, and cut my bags, were very popular, considered handsome and fuckboys.

 

[Clam]

I relate a lot with this story, I was bullied by "friends" for almost 5 years, I realized approximately on the second one, but it was already too late. I was really young and did not understand, it got me 4 more years to start dealing with the repercussions after it stopped and I stayed socially inept for almost all my life till now. I realized it when they used me as a "tool" so they could get close to a group of girls by stepping on me emotionally to make them look better, and after that it all went downhill. After that, and till this day I have the same issue with trust and definitely am weird.
Three years ago I was diagnosed with autism and still can't trust anybody. People are shit.
I hate, really hate you went through this and hope you get to meet that person that "liberates" you from this.