N
noname223
Archangel
- Aug 18, 2020
- 5,426
Seemingly the data for 7-8 days is lost. I cannot remeber which threads I posted in that time period sadly. Okay I remember one of them.
Once again an offline thread. This means the forum is down and I am typing it offline. Later hopefully still this day I will copy and paste it.
I had my appointment with a new psychiatrist and it was a complete waste of time. The psychiatrist will change the workplace soon hence we came to the conclusion after 5-10 minutes that this meeting is useless. As always I tried to impress such people with technical terms and self-awareness in which was successful I think. She seemed to be kind. Less cold than other psychiatrists maybe because she is new in this job. I guess it was good for her that I did not become her patient because I might kill myself in the coming years. She was also more open to the addictive medication than I thought. As other therapists she had the opinion the z-medication is not the problem the benzos are more dangerous. However it rather seemed like that this is the official policy she has to abide to. She could have become a good support person for me. However this might be an imago an idealized notion of her in my mind. For these people I am not their friend I am a number in the system. They have limited time and capacity. I lost hope in psychiatrists a long time ago. And I get way more emotional support, community and empathy from this forum than from my psychiatrist. Though I don't want to imply that they were useless by that. But they forget all the things I tell them so quickly.
Well this was my rant about my day and now I have to decide for a thread idea.
I have several ideas in mind. I will go with the one in the title. Lol.
I have never received any warning for any behavior in this forum. Despite the fact I have sometimes contrarian positions I am glad and proud that this does not get punished here. In general the debate climate in this forum seems to be for internet standards quite good. There is certainly more empathy than on other platforms. Not from all people and this simply natural. But there are a lot of reasonable people on here who are aware than many of us face a daily struggle which kind of units us. When I see how suicide gets treated on other corners on the internet and I am glad I am here. For example X (former Twitter) maybe Elon Musk should have called it sanctioned-bullying however maybe this forum could have sued him for that. Honestly I appreciate Twitter's policy on NSFW content and you can watch sports live highlights in real time which is amazing. However the debate climate is toxic as fuck. There are myriads of accounts who do not get punished for bullying, harrassing and insulting other people. I would never be as open up about my emotional feelings there as I am in such an intimate way on here. I know also this forum has trolls and probably voyeurs however I have the feeling the relation is way better. Especially on suicide matters probably because it is the main topic on here. There are bullying communities on Twitter. I could throw up seeing their content.
Facebook is different but maybe even worse. You can get suspended because you express suicidal thoughts. I think it is forbidden to state I want assisted suicide. Lmao. I am now suicidal since a decade I might think about suicide even in good time periods like 3 hours a day. Writing about it helps to cope. Well not on facebook because the ad companies don't like that Mister Zuckerberg. There was a story a young woman was harrassed online by others. She opened up on facebook about her suicidal thoughts. The bullies reported that successfully and seemingly she was emotionally very hurt by that. Which was totally understandable. She committed suicide soon afterwards. The difference between Facebook and Twitter is probably that the prior one wants to create this veneer/ notion of respect, positvity and a good impact on the society. Which is obivously only a facade fo the ad companies and that governments don't intervene in their business. They don't give a fuck about the indiviuduals. You can see this with instagram and their algorithms. How devastating consequences this platform can have on young people for example related to eating disorders. Instagram feels so fucking fake to me. Everything that counts there is the facade. Everything is only a facade. Well I already have that when I have to do small talk with strangers. I appreciate that I can be open as fuck on SaSu without facing consequences. On other platforms I always would be scared not to reveal to o much about my suicidality otherwise the cops could be in front of my house. I think this is one reason why this forum is so popular.
Where was I? Lol. I wanted to say I appreciate the debate climnate on here. Instagram would make me extremely depressed within a short time period I tried it but not this forum. And I have to say one thing. Sometimes I have the thought maybe right-wingers are in some instances more tolerant than lefties (in debates or on certain not all issues e.g. vaccines). I find it fascinating when people write I really appreciate your threads but politcally you annoy the shit out of me. And not a few people told me that. Lol. I have high respect for such people. I think on forums with less emphasis on our vulnerabilities such behavior was not that common.
To the core topic. Well I am very glad and happy I never was censored. When one reads media articles they always portray this forum as inherently evil. I think (most)/all (real) members would disagree with that.
I also try that my debates don't get insulting. I try to be aware that there are a lot of people in extremely painful situations on here. I think it is important to keep that in mind for us all. I am scared that I get into a fight with somone and I hurt him or her and then s/he kills her/himself. And I won't be able to apologize. However I also was confronted with some very unfriendly behavior. But this is simply natural considering how long of a member I am. I try to ignore it first if it is one comment. When it gets systematically I shoot back or message a mod. However in general I give not that much of a fuck when people insult my internet identity. I think this is an healthy attitude. In the end the people don't really know you and you can always block them.
In the end with this strategy I was able to manage every conflict. I am not sure why exactly I never was warned. I think in general I am a Prussian stereotypical German that wants to abide all rules. Maybe it is in my DNA. Or maybe I am just reasonalble and treat other people with respect. Not because I am such a great person rather because I have so much anxiety on so many things and I am quite neurotic. I am not sure whether I am an exception. I don't know the statistics. Sometimes I was surprised when people were banned because of too many warnings. Sometimes I was surprised. But I am not that active monitoring other people. I rather wonder why people don't change their behavior after they get warned, I would be anxious as fuck to get banned. This forum is for me a great way to cope and the alternatives are from what I have heard trash. I am also glad that my political threads are welcome. I could imagine if I created one insane conspiracy theory thread after the other this could be different. Understandable. I am also somewhat glad this forum is not run by incels anymore. However I never talked to them directly. But I appreciate that this forum is welcome towards diversity. Trans people have it so hard on the internet. People say there is stilll too much misogyny on here. I don't read that much and I am not really the affected group. I think it is clearly worse in other places on the internet but I don't have a final judgement on that.
It could get pretty embarassing for me in case I would get banned. I think I would beg to be allowed again. I just cannot imagine to endure that extreme (existential) loneliness which I felt without this forum again. I am not sure which places other people search for after their ban. Also the potential help with suicide methods is relieving for me because knowing there is an exit gives me strength to keep on fighting and enduring that shit. On other sites this seems like Russian roulette. Back in the days many years ago I was searching for suicide methods online. And I think I once found a German website which seemed to be a site of a psychopath enjoying that other people use his information to kill themselves. And since it was only a simple top down information/communication this was not trustworthy at all. I think I also I read fake information on methods which would have resulted in enduring insane pain and surviving as a cripple. But it is a long time ago I cannot give a guarantee on that
What is your story related to warnings?
Once again an offline thread. This means the forum is down and I am typing it offline. Later hopefully still this day I will copy and paste it.
I had my appointment with a new psychiatrist and it was a complete waste of time. The psychiatrist will change the workplace soon hence we came to the conclusion after 5-10 minutes that this meeting is useless. As always I tried to impress such people with technical terms and self-awareness in which was successful I think. She seemed to be kind. Less cold than other psychiatrists maybe because she is new in this job. I guess it was good for her that I did not become her patient because I might kill myself in the coming years. She was also more open to the addictive medication than I thought. As other therapists she had the opinion the z-medication is not the problem the benzos are more dangerous. However it rather seemed like that this is the official policy she has to abide to. She could have become a good support person for me. However this might be an imago an idealized notion of her in my mind. For these people I am not their friend I am a number in the system. They have limited time and capacity. I lost hope in psychiatrists a long time ago. And I get way more emotional support, community and empathy from this forum than from my psychiatrist. Though I don't want to imply that they were useless by that. But they forget all the things I tell them so quickly.
Well this was my rant about my day and now I have to decide for a thread idea.
I have several ideas in mind. I will go with the one in the title. Lol.
I have never received any warning for any behavior in this forum. Despite the fact I have sometimes contrarian positions I am glad and proud that this does not get punished here. In general the debate climate in this forum seems to be for internet standards quite good. There is certainly more empathy than on other platforms. Not from all people and this simply natural. But there are a lot of reasonable people on here who are aware than many of us face a daily struggle which kind of units us. When I see how suicide gets treated on other corners on the internet and I am glad I am here. For example X (former Twitter) maybe Elon Musk should have called it sanctioned-bullying however maybe this forum could have sued him for that. Honestly I appreciate Twitter's policy on NSFW content and you can watch sports live highlights in real time which is amazing. However the debate climate is toxic as fuck. There are myriads of accounts who do not get punished for bullying, harrassing and insulting other people. I would never be as open up about my emotional feelings there as I am in such an intimate way on here. I know also this forum has trolls and probably voyeurs however I have the feeling the relation is way better. Especially on suicide matters probably because it is the main topic on here. There are bullying communities on Twitter. I could throw up seeing their content.
Facebook is different but maybe even worse. You can get suspended because you express suicidal thoughts. I think it is forbidden to state I want assisted suicide. Lmao. I am now suicidal since a decade I might think about suicide even in good time periods like 3 hours a day. Writing about it helps to cope. Well not on facebook because the ad companies don't like that Mister Zuckerberg. There was a story a young woman was harrassed online by others. She opened up on facebook about her suicidal thoughts. The bullies reported that successfully and seemingly she was emotionally very hurt by that. Which was totally understandable. She committed suicide soon afterwards. The difference between Facebook and Twitter is probably that the prior one wants to create this veneer/ notion of respect, positvity and a good impact on the society. Which is obivously only a facade fo the ad companies and that governments don't intervene in their business. They don't give a fuck about the indiviuduals. You can see this with instagram and their algorithms. How devastating consequences this platform can have on young people for example related to eating disorders. Instagram feels so fucking fake to me. Everything that counts there is the facade. Everything is only a facade. Well I already have that when I have to do small talk with strangers. I appreciate that I can be open as fuck on SaSu without facing consequences. On other platforms I always would be scared not to reveal to o much about my suicidality otherwise the cops could be in front of my house. I think this is one reason why this forum is so popular.
Where was I? Lol. I wanted to say I appreciate the debate climnate on here. Instagram would make me extremely depressed within a short time period I tried it but not this forum. And I have to say one thing. Sometimes I have the thought maybe right-wingers are in some instances more tolerant than lefties (in debates or on certain not all issues e.g. vaccines). I find it fascinating when people write I really appreciate your threads but politcally you annoy the shit out of me. And not a few people told me that. Lol. I have high respect for such people. I think on forums with less emphasis on our vulnerabilities such behavior was not that common.
To the core topic. Well I am very glad and happy I never was censored. When one reads media articles they always portray this forum as inherently evil. I think (most)/all (real) members would disagree with that.
I also try that my debates don't get insulting. I try to be aware that there are a lot of people in extremely painful situations on here. I think it is important to keep that in mind for us all. I am scared that I get into a fight with somone and I hurt him or her and then s/he kills her/himself. And I won't be able to apologize. However I also was confronted with some very unfriendly behavior. But this is simply natural considering how long of a member I am. I try to ignore it first if it is one comment. When it gets systematically I shoot back or message a mod. However in general I give not that much of a fuck when people insult my internet identity. I think this is an healthy attitude. In the end the people don't really know you and you can always block them.
In the end with this strategy I was able to manage every conflict. I am not sure why exactly I never was warned. I think in general I am a Prussian stereotypical German that wants to abide all rules. Maybe it is in my DNA. Or maybe I am just reasonalble and treat other people with respect. Not because I am such a great person rather because I have so much anxiety on so many things and I am quite neurotic. I am not sure whether I am an exception. I don't know the statistics. Sometimes I was surprised when people were banned because of too many warnings. Sometimes I was surprised. But I am not that active monitoring other people. I rather wonder why people don't change their behavior after they get warned, I would be anxious as fuck to get banned. This forum is for me a great way to cope and the alternatives are from what I have heard trash. I am also glad that my political threads are welcome. I could imagine if I created one insane conspiracy theory thread after the other this could be different. Understandable. I am also somewhat glad this forum is not run by incels anymore. However I never talked to them directly. But I appreciate that this forum is welcome towards diversity. Trans people have it so hard on the internet. People say there is stilll too much misogyny on here. I don't read that much and I am not really the affected group. I think it is clearly worse in other places on the internet but I don't have a final judgement on that.
It could get pretty embarassing for me in case I would get banned. I think I would beg to be allowed again. I just cannot imagine to endure that extreme (existential) loneliness which I felt without this forum again. I am not sure which places other people search for after their ban. Also the potential help with suicide methods is relieving for me because knowing there is an exit gives me strength to keep on fighting and enduring that shit. On other sites this seems like Russian roulette. Back in the days many years ago I was searching for suicide methods online. And I think I once found a German website which seemed to be a site of a psychopath enjoying that other people use his information to kill themselves. And since it was only a simple top down information/communication this was not trustworthy at all. I think I also I read fake information on methods which would have resulted in enduring insane pain and surviving as a cripple. But it is a long time ago I cannot give a guarantee on that
What is your story related to warnings?
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