Help how much can i tell my therapist?

[genesisofpasaqalia]

im finally going through with getting professional help, i havent even started yet, but im supposed to in about 12 or so hours, im worried that if i tell them too much they will report it to my family cuz thats a thing right? also i dont live in the US but im fairly sure its almost the same thing if anyone has the answer

 

[Jadeith]

if i tell them too much they will report it to my family cuz thats a thing right?

Question is are you a minor? If yes then a)you should stop using this site as it is against forum rules and b)doctors are obliged to inform your parents (or legal guardians) about your state. If you are an adult - confidentiality of your medical data is protected by law, at least in most civilized countries.
As for what you should or should not tell your therapist - i saw this nice vid explaining this topic, maybe it will help you:

 

[genesisofpasaqalia]

Question is are you a minor? If yes then a)you should stop using this site as it is against forum rules and b)doctors are obliged to inform your parents (or legal guardians) about your state. If you are an adult - confidentiality of your medical data is protected by law, at least in most civilized countries.
As for what you should or should not tell your therapist - i saw this nice vid explaining this topic, maybe it will help you:

im an adult, thank you for the video ill check it out

 

[Rose Mine]

I am in the US. I am usually very honest with mh professionals. The trick is to always say "It is passive ideation" and then go on explain how you are with no plans involved. Unless you want to but then that's enough to send you to inpatient. You also can't be excessive because then you might be sent for an evaluation.

For example, "I am having passive suicidal ideation. I see no hope in living and the days are getting harder and harder. Everyday I am waking up with thoughts of not wanting to be here and that I would be better off dead. I won't kill myself because I have things to live for it is just that these thoughts are consuming me."

 

[Jadeith]

I am usually very honest

The trick is

Honest or resorting to tricks? Can't have both, you know....

 

[Rose Mine]

Honest or resorting to tricks? Can't have both, you know....

why are you on my ass?

Edit: had to come back to see if I was crazy "usually" under normal conditions; generally. The trick under the not normal situation that is opening up about a lot of suicidal thoughts without being taken for an evaluation. Sorry I don't explain right I guess

 

[Jadeith]

why are you on my ass?

Not interested in your ass in the slightest. Pointing out inconsistency if not blatant contradiction in what you said. That's all.

 

[Rose Mine]

Not interested in your ass in the slightest. Pointing out inconsistency if not blatant contradiction in what you said. That's all.

You are on my ass, even if you don't want to be, over the slightest mess up that I explained. You're saying what you did even though I know what you did…

How does it smell down there? :3

 

[Jdieiejdjaow]

You are on my ass, even if you don't want to be, over the slightest mess up that I explained. You're saying what you did even though I know what you did…

How does it smell down there? :3

I think what Jadeith is trying to say is: avoidance will keep you stuck in a loop of self destruction and misery. Getting honest by making the leap with a *complex trauma specialist psychotherapist* can save your life. It'll be long term therapy, though it's worth it if you're willing to do the work. Make sure the therapist is competent (e.g. DOES NOT stigmatize or is judgmental when you open up about wanting to commit to transitioning to the next stage of being).

 

[Rose Mine]

I think what Jadeith is trying to say is: avoidance will keep you stuck in a loop of self destruction and misery. Getting honest by making the leap with a *complex trauma specialist psychotherapist* can save your life. It'll be long term therapy, though it's worth it if you're willing to do the work. Make sure the therapist is competent (e.g. DOES NOT stigmatize or is judgmental when you open up about wanting to commit to transitioning to the next stage of being).

Thank you this makes sense. I kind of just don't want anything told about me like the poster so I was letting them know how you can explain things in depth while also the professional not being able to get you evaluated. I understand what you are saying though, i appreciate you!

 

[Jadeith]

You are on my ass, even if you don't want to be, over the slightest mess up that I explained.

Still nope. No matter how you want it to be and how much word salad you produce, your ass is still of no interest to me.

You're saying what you did even though I know what you did…

And that doesn't make sense at all.

I think what Jadeith is trying to say is

That was in my answer to genesisofpasaqalia. The answer to Rose Mine on the other hand, pointed out that one can't be honest and playing tricks on the therapist at the same time. Either you provide truth about your state, thoughts etc. or you spew carefully prepared lie in order to avoid certain outcome.

 

[Cherry Crumpet]

Let's all just take a step back. I'm wondering about this topic too.

 

[silentcicada]

Please look up your state's laws regarding patient confidentiality. In some states they're legally required to report you even if it's passive ideation.
And if this is your first appointment with the therapist I wouldn't delve too deep into your suicidal ideation yet. Build trust with your therapist so they won't suspect you'll ctb because they can and will book you depending on your risk profile even if you say it's passive.

You could always ask them directly about their reporting obligations too.

 

[Jadeith]

also i dont live in the US

Please look up your state's laws

On a more serious note - if therapist asserts that there's serious risk of that passive ideation turning active, hospitalization would be for the best, no?
Again, i'm strongly against lying to your therapist. If you decide to get help then go all the way. It's like going to GP doc with flu symptoms like cough and full nose but trying to hide that you have elevated temperature because you don't like certain meds.

 

[Jack_Nimble]

Not interested in your ass in the slightest. Pointing out inconsistency if not blatant contradiction in what you said. That's all.

Looks more like you're just causing problems and disagreement.

Literally every human being runs in inconsistent logic. You and I included.

Obviously when discussing suicidal thoughts it's possible to be admitted to inpatient for it depending. The person you felt you should tell they were wrong. They weren't wrong at all. Nor dishonest. They were pointing out how important it is to emphasize suicidal ideation without any plans.

It's important to emphasize this as it can make the difference between being admitted or not. The trick is to remember this and to honestly express yourself fully and to not forget these standards. nothing dishonest about that.

It's not playing a "trick" on anybody. Nor is it contradiction. While the word trick can be used to imply dishonesty in this case it's not. Trick just meant it's a trick to remember what the standards are and how to keep that in mind while expressing ones self. The person just meant it's a trick to actually remember the standards.

 

[Jadeith]

Looks more like you're just causing problems and disagreement.

Problems? Stating my opinion on a subject is a problem to you? Censorship much?
Disagreement? Yes. That's what discussing different problems is about. We might disagree on certain topics and that's natural.
As for the rest of your post - if you plan carefully what to tell your therapist in order to avoid outcome you don't want, you are being dishonest, trying to trick or straightforward lie. No matter what you want to call that, it's not a good idea if you want to get help you need. If you know better what's good for you then why bother with a doctor?

 

[Jdieiejdjaow]

As for the rest of your post - if you plan carefully what to tell your therapist in order to avoid outcome you don't want, you are being dishonest, trying to trick or straightforward lie. No matter what you want to call that, it's not a good idea if you want to get help you need. If you know better what's good for you then why bother with a doctor?

Imo, it's best to keep private until you build trust. Naturally, if the therapist isn't incompetent, you'll tell them.

 

[Jadeith]

On that we can agree - trust is the key. My total lack of it keeps me from therapy altogether.
Since i strongly believe that in order for this whole therapy thing to work, one must be totally honest, finding a person i could trust this much is next to impossible.

 

[Jack_Nimble]

Problems? Stating my opinion on a subject is a problem to you? Censorship much?
Disagreement? Yes. That's what discussing different problems is about. We might disagree on certain topics and that's natural.
As for the rest of your post - if you plan carefully what to tell your therapist in order to avoid outcome you don't want, you are being dishonest, trying to trick or straightforward lie. No matter what you want to call that, it's not a good idea if you want to get help you need. If you know better what's good for you then why bother with a doctor?

It isn't a problem for you to express your opinions, obviously. The problem is you rudely calling others dishonest when they are not. Did I say rudely? You are being rude. That is in fact a problem.

There's nothing wrong with stressing the understanding of how the system works. In fact most therapists explain these boundaries in the first visit.

It is absolutely in no way shape or form dishonest to be careful and certain that when you express suicidal thoughts that you are sure to express you don't have a plan when you in fact do not have a plan. No matter what you say. It is not a lie to be careful about being fully honest and emphasizing that one doesn't have a plan.

No I'm not censoring you lol. Just pointing out that you are in fact incorrect. It's not cool to call other liars when they are not.

As for carefully planning your interactions with others. Socializing is not as easy for some as others. For many it's downright difficult. Careful study and planning and practice is quit helpful in building rapport and confidence. There's many books on this topic.

Yes, it's most important to be careful especially when you might get locked up for saying the wrong thing. Especially when they may interpret it in a way you didn't truly mean.

If me telling you you're wrong comes off as a form or attempt of censorship... wouldn't it th n be censorship for you to tell oth re they are wrong? You see the hair man logic inconsistency here? It's okay, all humans operate on inconsistent logic.

 

[Jadeith]

The problem is you rudely calling others dishonest when they are not

And where that exactly happened? Because what you imply

calling others dishonest

happened only in your imagination. Read posts carefully again. Pointing out specific contradiction is not rude (5th post) and all other "dishonesty" mentioned by me was referring to the hypothetical situation where person goes to the therapy with crafted statement.

It is absolutely in no way shape or form dishonest to be careful and certain that when you express suicidal thoughts that you are sure to express you don't have a plan when you in fact do not have a plan. No matter what you say. It is not a lie to be careful about being fully honest and emphasizing that one doesn't have a plan.

Being careful is perfectly normal and understandable. Going to therapy with crafted statement in order to avoid or elicit certain outcome is not.

If me telling you you're wrong comes off as a form or attempt of censorship...

Nope, you telling that me disagreeing with another is a problem - that's censorship. You telling me i'm wrong, with valid arguments to support that is the best thing that could happen on the forum.

 

[Unspoken7612]

I think people tend to massively overestimate the risk of being hospitalised for mentioning suicidal thoughts.

 

[Jdieiejdjaow]

I think people tend to massively overestimate the risk of being hospitalised for mentioning suicidal thoughts.

In my experience (in Europe) unless you've a plan and are actively actioning on it to transition, you'll remain out of the hospital.

 

[Jack_Nimble]

This is what you said in response to me telling you you're being rude for calling others dishonest.

And where that exactly happened? Because what you imply

happened only in your imagination. Read posts carefully again.

First I'm just going to reiterate that you're being rather rude. And secondly
Um... It happened when you rudely told someone they could either "be honest or resort to tricks but could not have both". Loosely quoted. I'm not quoting the specific post or post number. If you can't remember what time I've said to others here than you shouldn't b starting arguements. So are you saying you're taking back that statement and didn't mean what you said? You can't have it both ways. Either you think the person was suggesting dishonesty or you dont.

Not sure why you think carefully crafting an honest statement to avoid involuntary hospitalization isn't understandable but okay.

Nope, you telling that me disagreeing with another is a problem - that's censorship. You telling me i'm wrong, with valid arguments to support that is the best thing that could happen on the forum.

So censorship is actually editing what another said or refusing to allow another to speak. It's absolutely not censorship for anyone to tell you that you're wrong in a disagreement. Or more specifically. It's not censorship for anyone to tell you your position on a disagreement is wrong.

Unless someone edits what you say or r duses to allow you to speak then you are in fact not b in censored.

Your just being dramatic by using extreme words that by definition do not apply.

In my experience (in Europe) unless you've a plan and are actively actioning on it to transition, you'll remain out of the hospital.

In the US most hospitals and hotlines use simply "do you have a plan?" Or if you say idk or what does that mean they say "Have you thought of a way?" I've been admitted based on that for sure.

But most therapists in th US that I've spoke to say they won't have ya admitted unless you have admitted to having a plan and admit intent to follow through with it.

 

[Jadeith]

First I'm just going to reiterate that you're being rather rude.

You reiterated successfully. Still, no proof of aforementioned rudeness.

Um... It happened when you rudely told someone they could either "be honest or resort to tricks but could not have both". Loosely quoted.

I'd say that's quite good quote. And again, what's exactly rude about pointing out that one can either be honest or present fabricated lie aka playing tricks, not both?

So are you saying you're taking back that statement and didn't mean what you said? You can't have it both ways. Either you think the person was suggesting dishonesty or you dont.

No, I'm not taking back the statement that you can't tell the truth and lie about your condition at the same time. Either be honest or lie about how you feel.
And no, suggestion that any specific member of this discussion is actually dishonest is nowhere to be found in that statement. You made that up, failed to provide proof and based on that you tried to silence me by implying rudeness and causing trouble.

Not sure why you think carefully crafting an honest statement to avoid involuntary hospitalization isn't understandable but okay.

You misunderstood. Crafting DISHONEST statement, no matter the reason, i consider wrong. Crafting honest one is ok. Believe or not, i understand social anxiety pretty well and need to weigh words is not foreign to me. But telling the therapist that "oh. i got only passive ideations" when you just finished your exit bag assembly and wrote good bye letter, only to avoid hospital visit, is NOT weighting words.

ADDED: Editing your post after answer was already posted is not even rude, just lame.

 

[twilightSparriw]

why are you on my ass?

Edit: had to come back to see if I was crazy "usually" under normal conditions; generally. The trick under the not normal situation that is opening up about a lot of suicidal thoughts without being taken for an evaluation. Sorry I don't explain right I guess

You can't have both….

 

[Rose Mine]

I am sorry to the original poster for all of this. You want help and it is not fair that it has resulted into a petty argument. I will see if I can delete my posts because someone is still responding with the same thing trying to start a new argument with them involved.

Again I am so sorry I really meant to help and I got upset in the end which isn't fair to you.

 

[Dot]

OP - therpsts shld b transparnt abt wht wll rsult in thm recmmndng u fr inpatnt if u ask thm - thy oftn hve specfc protocls & polcies tht thy follw -- u cld ask fr sme clarfcatn on thrs b4 dciding wht u wnt 2 tll thm

As fr othrs - whtevr ur opinns r abt wh/ = rght or wrng pls kp in mnd tht u r takng th/ convrsatn awy frm OP questn in ordr 2 jst mke ur pnts -- s/ bettr 2 stp awy rathr thn flaggel8 ovr smethng trvial

 

[grapevoid]

ask your therapist about their mandated reporting requirements. It may vary based on where you live, additionally, certain practices might have protocols outside of the law.

I'm generally candid with my therapist, and have very openly discussed my suicidal ideation with her. Though I never admit to having a plan with a date or having dangerous materials gathered for my suicide attempt as I know she will be mandated to report those things and I will be sent to the hospital. But I have on multiple occasions had real life melt downs to my therapist about wanting to die and how I can't stand feeling this way and she's never reported me.

 

[grapevoid]

On a more serious note - if therapist asserts that there's serious risk of that passive ideation turning active, hospitalization would be for the best, no?
Again, i'm strongly against lying to your therapist. If you decide to get help then go all the way. It's like going to GP doc with flu symptoms like cough and full nose but trying to hide that you have elevated temperature because you don't like certain meds.

I don't completely agree with this sentiment.

If hospitalization would further traumatize you in YOUR opinion, be careful what you present to anyone who is a mandatory reporter.

Being hospitalized for my mental health is in the top 5 most traumatizing experiences of my life. It made my situation much worse and less bearable. I get the most benefit from therapy when I can use and apply it to real life, not when I'm imprisoned against my will by a bunch of a-holes trying to shove pills down my throat.

 

[silentcicada]

On a more serious note - if therapist asserts that there's serious risk of that passive ideation turning active, hospitalization would be for the best, no?
Again, i'm strongly against lying to your therapist. If you decide to get help then go all the way. It's like going to GP doc with flu symptoms like cough and full nose but trying to hide that you have elevated temperature because you don't like certain meds.

My bad, I got confused by one of the responses. Still stands, though, the law is different everywhere!