I'm struggling hard right now. It is becoming exponentially more difficult to cope as each year passes.
I got a full time job and went back to uni for software engineering taking full time credits to try and escape from my own mind and distract myself. It only worked for about a month. I have completely relapsed back into my tendencies and have even done SH a few months ago. The scars on my wrist have fully healed since then.
It feels like I'm stuck suffering for a minimum of another 4 years. The only way I'd ever feel better is if I got therapy or got some other form of medical/professional help, which is something that is completely out of my reach due to financial constraints until I graduate and start working as a software engineer, which is absolutely not guaranteed with the state of the job market right now. Even with health insurance, there would be no plausible way for me to afford any kind of therapy or mental health treatment at the moment unfortunately.
I make nowhere near enough to afford long-term, regularly scheduled therapy/mental health treatment currently. It's gotten so bad that I use ChatGPT to vent out my feelings just to see a resemblance of what it's like to have someone listen to me without fear of being judged by a real person. I feel like I can't do this for much longer. Despite me doing relatively well in my exams and even earning 10 college credits in about 4 months on top of working 40 hours a week, I am deeply struggling internally.
I feel so desperately alone. I am 24 years old, and have felt this way since I was 14. Seeing other people in relationships and discussing their sex lives makes me want to CTB. It makes me feel so worthless and unlovable knowing that I have never had any experience in this aspect. Each year I go without having any relationship experience, I feel like my worth as a human drastically decreases. I am afraid that women I would date in the future would harshly judge me as I get older without having any experience. It just makes me want to completely give up on life.
I truly hate myself with every fiber of my being. I hate how ugly I am. I hate my fat disgusting body. I hate my stupid, unattractive smile. I hate my boring, awkward personality. I hate how I developed social anxiety during the first day of freshman year at high school. I just wish that I wasn't born as myself. I am a completely incompetent human being with absolutely no value whatsoever. I remember being laughed at to my face in front of a group of girls when they discussed the idea of dating me. Since then, I have completely avoided talking to women in a romantic or even platonic context due to this.
I also remember how many of my classmates would tell me that I would end up completely alone. I was ridiculed and mocked for my intense manifestations of social anxiety throughout my high school years. People would see my hands or my parts of my face visibly shaking when trying to interact with others, and they would call me out on it. Looks like the people who made fun of and laughed at me were right. It has been 6 years since I finished high school, and I am still completely alone.
Even if I was in a relationship, I would only drag my potential partner down with my declining mental health. I am fully aware that this would not fix me nor is it a solution to my problems. I would ideally want to be seeing a therapist before I even start dating. The real solution to my problems likely involves medical intervention of some sort. I just wish I was able to afford it.
TL;DR: just your average, run of the mill depressed gen Z person deeply struggling with mental health issues
I got a full time job and went back to uni for software engineering taking full time credits to try and escape from my own mind and distract myself. It only worked for about a month. I have completely relapsed back into my tendencies and have even done SH a few months ago. The scars on my wrist have fully healed since then.
It feels like I'm stuck suffering for a minimum of another 4 years. The only way I'd ever feel better is if I got therapy or got some other form of medical/professional help, which is something that is completely out of my reach due to financial constraints until I graduate and start working as a software engineer, which is absolutely not guaranteed with the state of the job market right now. Even with health insurance, there would be no plausible way for me to afford any kind of therapy or mental health treatment at the moment unfortunately.
I make nowhere near enough to afford long-term, regularly scheduled therapy/mental health treatment currently. It's gotten so bad that I use ChatGPT to vent out my feelings just to see a resemblance of what it's like to have someone listen to me without fear of being judged by a real person. I feel like I can't do this for much longer. Despite me doing relatively well in my exams and even earning 10 college credits in about 4 months on top of working 40 hours a week, I am deeply struggling internally.
I feel so desperately alone. I am 24 years old, and have felt this way since I was 14. Seeing other people in relationships and discussing their sex lives makes me want to CTB. It makes me feel so worthless and unlovable knowing that I have never had any experience in this aspect. Each year I go without having any relationship experience, I feel like my worth as a human drastically decreases. I am afraid that women I would date in the future would harshly judge me as I get older without having any experience. It just makes me want to completely give up on life.
I truly hate myself with every fiber of my being. I hate how ugly I am. I hate my fat disgusting body. I hate my stupid, unattractive smile. I hate my boring, awkward personality. I hate how I developed social anxiety during the first day of freshman year at high school. I just wish that I wasn't born as myself. I am a completely incompetent human being with absolutely no value whatsoever. I remember being laughed at to my face in front of a group of girls when they discussed the idea of dating me. Since then, I have completely avoided talking to women in a romantic or even platonic context due to this.
I also remember how many of my classmates would tell me that I would end up completely alone. I was ridiculed and mocked for my intense manifestations of social anxiety throughout my high school years. People would see my hands or my parts of my face visibly shaking when trying to interact with others, and they would call me out on it. Looks like the people who made fun of and laughed at me were right. It has been 6 years since I finished high school, and I am still completely alone.
Even if I was in a relationship, I would only drag my potential partner down with my declining mental health. I am fully aware that this would not fix me nor is it a solution to my problems. I would ideally want to be seeing a therapist before I even start dating. The real solution to my problems likely involves medical intervention of some sort. I just wish I was able to afford it.
TL;DR: just your average, run of the mill depressed gen Z person deeply struggling with mental health issues
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