How old were you when you first experienced suicidal thoughts?

[thorsve]

My first suicidal thought occurred when I was 9 years old. I started having vivid thoughts about drowning myself in a lake. I imagined going out on a boat, tying stones to myself, and letting them pull me to the bottom.

How old were you when you had your first suicidal thought?

 

[coffeebeany]

I read somewhere that the medical
Community did not consider children because they did not think that kids could be aware of suicide. As for me, I was 6 or 7 because I remember that I was in first grade of elementary school. I tried to ctb when I was 9 for the first time. I saw a doctor and got infusions but nobody asked questions or investigated. I had symptoms and collapsed but nobody realised it was a ctb attempt.

 

[NonEssential]

When I was 12 and I was bullied at school pretty often, I started to have these thoughts.

 

[Regen]

I have had depression since I was around 13/14 years old. As a child, I also had basic depressive traits.

There have been good times and very bad times since then, but I was depressed throughout (I'm 45 now).

For the first time since last year it has seriously improved, which I attribute primarily to the schema therapy. But the 12-step group and guided meditations have also changed a lot. Still, the chances are 50/50 that I will die of suicide at some point. But that's okay. My suffering is bearable at the moment and that's all that matters. But things only got better with schema therapy after many, many years. I know it is a privilege to be able to do therapy for so long. I so wish everyone had the right and the opportunity to do this.

 

[whyidon'tknow]

Around 10-11.

 

[LostLily]

The night before grade 2 because I was so nervous

 

[-nobodyknows-]

13 I think. Kind of hard to say, given how long I've been like this.

 

[divinemistress36]

13. Puberty is the devil

 

[3rdworldsadness]

9 for me too after my father died, the only person who cared about me...i actively thought about jumping and going to my father. I want to go....i really.

 

[willitpass]

9 when I became depressed. 10 when I became suicidal and started self harming. Nearly CTB at 12. Attempted for the first time at 13.

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

18 I had my first depressive episode

 

[Shadows From Hell]

At about age 9 I had thoughts of killing myself, and by 12, I attempted for the first time.

 

[nomoredolor]

My first suicidal thought occurred when I was 9 years old. I started having vivid thoughts about drowning myself in a lake. I imagined going out on a boat, tying stones to myself, and letting them pull me to the bottom.

How old were you when you had your first suicidal thought?

12 was when I found out suicide was even a possibility and I have wanted to die ever since

 

[AuroraB]

14 (attempted) and i'm 62 now

 

[Wanted Opioid]

At 10 years old. I was terrified of growing up and hated that my age was now a two digit number. I tried to drown myself in a public pool but only got myself chlorine poisoning and threw up my guts out.

 

[straysheep]

late 20s

 

[deadzombie6]

I was six . Hated my family and life back then too so I used to pray and beg god to just kill me in 30 Seconds if he's real

 

[ArteriesBindEveryon]

Seven and a half. I used to go to a therapist for anger issues and realized that if I killed myself, I'd never have to go to therapy ever again. My parents took me out of therapy once the anger became self-hatred, considering that a problem solved.

 

[Kyotospade]

I was 7 years old and it was after I was hit by my dad.

 

[jan28]

Around 9 years old, for me

 

[Forever Sleep]

Age 10. A combination of mourning for deceased close family members and being bullied by a (suspected) narcissist.

It was more passive ideation though initially: 'I want to be dead, I'd be better off out of this' type of thing. I toyed with jumping off buildings but never really made plans.

 

[Namelesa]

I definitely started to experience them as a 12/13 year old. School was starting to get too much for me as I found it to be torturous.

 

[FuneralCry]

I've always wished to not exist and it's all I could ever wish for, I have no interest in suffering in this torturous, futile existence and I find it deeply undesirable to exist, to me existence itself is the problem that there was never a need for at all, nothing would make me wish to suffer in this existence. I'd always prefer to peacefully not exist than prolong the suffering of existing just to die in agony from old age, my wish to die is a result of existence, to me existence itself is the ultimate problem that was so tragically imposed that there was never a need for, non-existence really is all that's positive for me, I just want peace instead of this existence of pointless suffering, I'd personally always find it a burden to exist.

 

[sximii]

9-10. First attempt was at 11

 

[TastySorrow]

Passive ideation throughout puberty, started actually researching for a reliable method at around 18.

 

[Pessimisticer]

Probably around 24

 

[areyousafe??]

I have had depression since I was around 13/14 years old. As a child, I also had basic depressive traits.

There have been good times and very bad times since then, but I was depressed throughout (I'm 45 now).

For the first time since last year it has seriously improved, which I attribute primarily to the schema therapy. But the 12-step group and guided meditations have also changed a lot. Still, the chances are 50/50 that I will die of suicide at some point. But that's okay. My suffering is bearable at the moment and that's all that matters. But things only got better with schema therapy after many, many years. I know it is a privilege to be able to do therapy for so long. I so wish everyone had the right and the opportunity to do this.

Could you please let me know whether you tried any therapy other than schema therapy, and did they help?

When I was around 15-16 years old

 

[Nadienobody]

I think I was depressed since I was 12 but I expected my life to get better over time. At around 20 I realized that my life would be shit forever and that's when I started thinking about suicide.

 

[mirisasofia09]

I can't remember well. Or rather in a frightening way the thoughts manifested themselves after my mother's death to reach a peak between November and December 2024. But already in 2021/2022 I was thinking of ending myself but it was a thought like many others, not that I it occupied the whole day (in 2021 I was 28 years old).

 

[Paperclip]

I think I was around 12. I remember always thinking people would be better off without me. I also always had dreams about getting into accidents or dying