Seele
Sayonara
- Apr 25, 2024
- 152
I have four disorders: ADHD, anxiety, bipolarity, and borderline. The worst of them, without a doubt, is borderline. When I sense any sign of abandonment, a horrible feeling takes over me. It's not suffocation like anxiety, but something much deeper, as if something is tearing me apart from the inside. It feels like there's a stinging nettle inside my chest, burning in me and ripping me apart. There are no medications for this, so I find myself resorting to self-mutilation in a desperate attempt to relieve some of the pain. But every time I do it, blood flows, and, although there's a momentary relief, the feeling of emptiness never completely goes away. It's an impulsive, crushing pain, like being hit by a speeding train. Sometimes, I feel an unbearable urge to die; I've tried suicide because of this impulse, but it's in these moments that cutting offers, for a brief instant, the only relief I can find.
I'm not a #coldnessinmyheart, but I have an extreme level of borderline, to the point where I can't stand having relationships, friendships, or even living near people I know. I live alone because anyone can trigger this in me. In schema therapy, I have 16 out of 18 borderline schemas. It's hell trying to talk to someone because it always causes me distress.
What about you? How do you deal with this? What level of borderline do you have? What is your borderline like?
I'm not a #coldnessinmyheart, but I have an extreme level of borderline, to the point where I can't stand having relationships, friendships, or even living near people I know. I live alone because anyone can trigger this in me. In schema therapy, I have 16 out of 18 borderline schemas. It's hell trying to talk to someone because it always causes me distress.
What about you? How do you deal with this? What level of borderline do you have? What is your borderline like?