idelttoilfsadness21
turning my back towards death
- Jan 6, 2025
- 241
Right now, I'm planning my ctb that I had to revise since 2 years ago, fix drastically after contemplation and deciding against it after dealing with my trauma that I was somewhat in a daze that I went back into it, and since doing so and living for a brief time, I have been happier with my decision, but the thing that always breaks me is how do I cope with my specific life in general that was broken from us? Often times, these things are needs and explicit worries we deal with because there is NO ONE to get it, no one to be there for us, and we have no sort of foundation to feel protected towards, because there isn't any. I share what I go through on the daily here than I've ever did in many years and have started letting out a lot of tears I hidden beneath the layers, but my sincerest concerns is my goals, motivations, happiness, and memories that existed in this body of mine, and despite not loving the body I was born into, I deeply loved I was me and knowing I have to deal with that still being abused the very moment im gone, will hurt, but it will make me even more excited that I choice the right thing, as in the end, I was a nobody to someone, and seeing, I was known to be just this ugly person, this girl, this nice girl as some insult, and someone's other opinions about me, when in reality, the person they could've been more kinder to could've lived.... I can't live for them, as I don't have anyone, and I see myself as lovely and I have lost myself to hate myself when I should've never made to, and so... some parts of us can never cope with that once its been done, but what about in the afterlife... how can we cope further? or will out souls fully just suffer forever? I know it must be before we die because... why not else? we will suffer eternally... but how does one truly cope with their existence?!? that's the question we must know... the answer... it's not easy. and why we don't have a choice in the matter, but we'll have to figure it out ourselves, and it will fully never go away... no amount can truly describe or transfix what people believe when its up to the person, how they cope, and what they deal with and what comes after the journey... it's a deeply long road, after all
