Help How to deal with low self-esteem ?

[epic]

After my physical ailment, I am afraid to get into relationships, because I think it would be an injustice on the next person to be with someone like me. Is it an injustice? How do I deal with this ?

 

[a.n.kirillov]

What kind of physical ailment do you have? I mean if you can find a relationship, why would it matter?

 

[Smokey]

If someone loves you they love you for who you are, not what your ailment is.

 

[GinaIsReady]

Maybe there is a person who also has an ailment that would be a good partner for you.

 

[Epsilon0]

It seems to me like you have a lot of empathy since you contemplate the wellfare of a potential partner, rather than your own. Any one would be lucky to find someone who is that caring.

I am sorry you have a physical problem, and I hope you find what you are looking for!

 

[pole]

to me, and i know it's so over-emphasized and you've heard this 75638292 times, but accepting yourself and loving yourself is the foundational piece to dealing with and bettering you're self-esteem.

 

[CynicalHopelessness]

Don't base your happiness on someone else's opinion of you.

Especially if that's an imaginary person in a hypothetical situation. Actually, my experience says that real people almost never act according to hypothetical scenarios.

 

[porfin1234]

Yes.. of course I second the love yourself first, don't base your worth on others , etc (which i have heard a gagillion times myself).
Self esteem.. what's helped me in the past is being productive or creative somehow and seeing what I am capable of without needing someone's approval.

I would just say be careful with thinking it's an injustice to someone to be with you as if you are a burden. You may end up settling for less or missing out on someone who would truly love you because you would not be able to see it due to this notion in your mind that you don't deserve it somehow and they could be right in front of you.

Plus, I imagine you could have a lot to offer someone else, and it would be depriving of that potential person of your love and you possibly having a beautiful partnership if you didn't take a chance.

Relationships are also two way, and takes two to make that choice- so if you were to find someone, it's not injustice because they are responsible for their own decisions and chose you

 

[Inferdan]

After my physical ailment, I am afraid to get into relationships, because I think it would be an injustice on the next person to be with someone like me. Is it an injustice? How do I deal with this ?

It will not be an injustice. The person who chooses you will accept you with everything that comes along. They are fine with who you are, and will not see it as a burden. They will love you, and will help you with whatever you ask, because a physical ailment won't stop the truly caring from falling for you.

 

[epic]

What kind of physical ailment do you have? I mean if you can find a relationship, why would it matter?

For privacy concerns I wont be able to tell the exact nature of my ailment. It is not a debilitating one (atleast for a few years). It matters because it seems unfair for someone to be with me when there are healthy guys around.

 

[-Raven's Night-]

I don't think it is an injustice. The person who chooses you, just because the person chooses you, it's important that you have someone loves you.
I'm sorry you have the ailment and I wish you feel better about it.

 

[Sensei]

There are many, many, lonely people. If you think like this, you might deprive a person of love. That would be an injustice too.

 

[Morphinekiss]

I had a fiancé leave me in the emergency room drop off area, tell me he was going to park, and instead went to our house and packed all his shit and left. There will be people that think whatever your ailment is, is too much to handle, but you know what? Fuck them. They don't deserve your time, energy, love, or compassion. Focus on what your positive traits are and make those areas really shine. I'm intelligent, funny, and caring as hell, when people meet me I make sure they see those traits above the bullshit that comes along with my illnesses. You have to project your positives.

(of course I still feel like a burden a great deal of the time, so who am I to give advice?)

 

[WhiteDespair]

Get accomplishments. Do stuff. If you can point to something and ssy "I did that" then you have a demonstation that boosts self esteem.

 

[epic]

Thank you for all of your suggestions guys! It means a lot to me .
I will update this thread(hopefully) after I make some progress.