how to expect from myself less

[racek]

It is like fueling fire, these expectations from myself. I push myself so hard because i think im not good enough. Life convinced me about that and it became a reality for me at least.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Expectation management is a huge part of recovery tbh. One thing I've realized is that if I want to really recover I need to drastically lower my expectations of myself. My current expectations aren't fair and are only going to fuel my self hatred as I repeatedly fail at living up to the impossible standard.

I think a good first step is some honest self evaluation. You need to accept that your current standards really are too high - it's not just you not working hard enough or not getting the breakthrough you need, the standards really are just too much for you to achieve. This isn't a flaw in you, it's simply reality. Think about how you've coped with things in your past and ask yourself, with the amount of effort you feel capable of putting in, how much can you realistically do. Ask yourself which tasks are actually rewarding and productive for you and which ones seem to only punish you. Figuring out what is accessible is the first step to realistic expectations.

 

[I_love_to_bake]

A lot of people talk about their successes, never failures. So it can seem like you are alone... but believe me, you are among friends here.

I've failed a lot in life, at things people told me would be easy. I'm definitely a loser. But I try to focus on my goals and win when it counts. The setbacks only slow you down, and you grow from them if you persevere.

You might not be good enough yet. But you can become good enough! I wish you well...

 

[racek]

I dont want to give up and no longer feel like im a loser. In fact i am loser but i throw that idea away so i can focus my attention on DIFFERENT things. I dont want to make my life complex so i isolate myself from surroundings. Positively i mean. I dont let myself( try) to not be bothered by someone elses perception/idea about life.

 

[timf]

It might be helpful to reevaluate the standard you use for comparison to determine "loserness". For example if you were an athlete and were measuring you performance in running the mile, you might set as a goal to run a three minute mile. Such a standard will usually result in disappointment. However, if you set a standard of three seconds better than you did the day before, you will have success more frequently.

 

[racek]

I just want to be strong and not weak. I dislike being weak. Weakness is for people of course but only strong people accept weakness and not many to find such people. I want become one. The more power you have that you actually feel, the more understanding you have not only for yourself but for others too

 

[Uzera]

I just want to be strong and not weak. I dislike being weak. Weakness is for people of course but only strong people accept weakness and not many to find such people. I want become one. The more power you have that you actually feel, the more understanding you have not only for yourself but for others too

Are you saying you are trying to become strong by accepting weakness? Everybody has weak points it's part of being human.

A lot of people talk about their successes, never failures. So it can seem like you are alone... but believe me, you are among friends here.

I've failed a lot in life, at things people told me would be easy. I'm definitely a loser. But I try to focus on my goals and win when it counts. The setbacks only slow you down, and you grow from them if you persevere.

You might not be good enough yet. But you can become good enough! I wish you well...

Isn't this why they say social media can be so toxic? Because all you see is the good people want you to see not the bad things they want to ignore? Alot of people who look like they're doing good actually have real shit going on. Sometimes people like that kill themselves out of the blue and noone saw it coming because they hid they're problems.

 

[muffin222]

Recognize that a lot of your standards and expectations for yourself are probably arbitrary and have very likely been programmed in by society, media, your culture, and your family upbringing, without your conscious awareness. You likely didn't even have a choice as to whether to adopt these standards at the time, but now that you're aware of them, you can decide whether or not to continue to hold yourself to them

 

[Susannah]

Try to restart yourself. I can totally relate to how you feel. I was in an severe accident some time ago, and went through 2 years of rehab. I had plenty of time to think, and I just wanted to die. I was in such pain, no painkillers would work over such a long time, and I would never be able to get my old life back. Anyway, my goals and expectations naturally was set back to zero. I can tell you it works. The lower expectations, the greater small pleasures and wins. It's a lot of mental work, and I had a great team helping me. But in the end, I was the one who had to put my head in a right place. It's like everything else in life, you have to practice, train, repeat and repeat. Talk to yourself in the mirror, say it out loud. Keep repeating in your head as often as you can. Eventually, your mind will be convinced. After this accident, my mental health problems almost disappeared. Good luck and lots of loveS