How to get over "coping sounds like consenting to hell"

[bitofftoomuch]

I'm conscious that coping mechanisms exist but they feel like giving consent to the external causes of my misery, and that turns me off from pursuing them. I feel uncertain about whether they'd actually make me feel better or just stress me out more. It all just feels unfair and that makes me not want to bother.

The thing is I don't just want to function. I want joy. I feel like there's a critical shortage of joy in my life. Will shit like yoga and meditation really lead me there? It feels hard to believe. I am stuck in a job where everyone is treated like shit and made to feel like shit and then I go home to a shitty apartment where I hear every stupid thing my roommate does. I have tried to lean on my friends but it isn't enough. It only can provide fleeting relief. Is self care really enough to get me through this? Why would I even want it to be? I am asking because I genuinely want to feel differently about this. I don't want to feel hopeless. I want to feel good again.

I feel like when I wasn't as bad, coping felt *fun* and genuinely relieving. These days I feel in over my head.

 

[33-vertebrae]

Will shit like yoga and meditation really lead me there? It feels hard to believe.

Therein lies the problem: Your beliefs.

I know it sounds like woo-woo shit, but it's true.

Nothing external can benefit you until you change the internal (your mind).

The fact that you've realized that your coping mechanisms are contributing to your misery is a great start - it's telling you that it's time for things to change because old habits aren't going to cut it anymore if you're really wanting to progress.

 

[Leiot]

Will shit like yoga and meditation really lead me there?

Maybe. Meditation is just practicing paying attention. You try to get the noise out of your head so you can look at things clearer. Once you can see what's going on underneath then that's up to you. It can be freaking scary when you look there. But meditation will teach you to look at it without judging it. Like we all want from people who listen to us. You may find that there is something in there you need to address but it's so surrounded by bullshit it seems overwhelming.

But meditation takes a lot of practice so don't quit if you don't see results right away. I still suck at it but I try to think that if I get less than one percent out of it it's still one percent more than I had.

Good luck, sister

 

[bitofftoomuch]

Maybe. Meditation is just practicing paying attention. You try to get the noise out of your head so you can look at things clearer. Once you can see what's going on underneath then that's up to you. It can be freaking scary when you look there. But meditation will teach you to look at it without judging it. Like we all want from people who listen to us. You may find that there is something in there you need to address but it's so surrounded by bullshit it seems overwhelming.

But meditation takes a lot of practice so don't quit if you don't see results right away. I still suck at it but I try to think that if I get less than one percent out of it it's still one percent more than I had.

Good luck, sister

how do you suggest starting

 

[daley]

how do you suggest starting

You could try Vipassana Mediataion.

 

[Leiot]

There's lots of stuff on the Internet but the simplest is to focus on your breathing. You just close your eyes and pay attention to each breath; how it feels in your chest when you inhale & exhale, maybe the difference in how the air going in your nostrils feels during inhale vs exhale, things like that.

There are guided meditations where you listen to someone and they take you and suggest things to think about, like "Imagine you're in a forest. What do you see & hear", that sort of thing. Sometimes those are easier.

 

[daley]

There's lots of stuff on the Internet but the simplest is to focus on your breathing. You just close your eyes and pay attention to each breath; how it feels in your chest when you inhale & exhale, maybe the difference in how the air going in your nostrils feels during inhale vs exhale, things like that.

There are guided meditations where you listen to someone and they take you and suggest things to think about, like "Imagine you're in a forest. What do you see & hear", that sort of thing. Sometimes those are easier.

I am sure there are lots of stuff on the internet, but I don't feel that these offer anything deep. They might be relaxing - and that's it.

There is probably a good reason why people mediate for prolonged period of time. In a way, they are rewiring their brain
to be able to not get trapped in emotion and sensation. Once you manage to do that, you can be free of suffering.
However, this requires a lot of practice, which I have not managed to follow through with.

 

[Leiot]

I am sure there are lots of stuff on the internet, but I don't feel that these offer anything deep. They might be relaxing - and that's it.

There is probably a good reason why people mediate for prolonged period of time. In a way, they are rewiring their brain
to be able to not get trapped in emotion and sensation. Once you manage to do that, you can be free of suffering.
However, this requires a lot of practice, which I have not managed to follow through with.

Relaxing is the physical level which is good, but you're right, it take a lot of time to go deeper. I went to a Buddhist meditation retreat up in the mountains a long time ago and it was hard. I never imagined sitting in a room with a bunch of people would be so difficult but the first few days were rough. It eventually got easier.

 

[daley]

Relaxing is the physical level which is good, but you're right, it take a lot of time to go deeper. I went to a Buddhist meditation retreat up in the mountains a long time ago and it was hard. I never imagined sitting in a room with a bunch of people would be so difficult but the first few days were rough. It eventually got easier.

My experience is probably a bit similar to yours. I also attended a retreat, but I have not persisted in practicing. In that sense, neither of us are probably good ambassadors for mediation. However, in my retreat, I met Yuval Noah Harari, who was not famous back then. He actually encouraged me when
I experienced a breaking point during the retreat.

So I will let Yuval Noah Harari recommend mediation for us:

 

[cotton]

I'm conscious that coping mechanisms exist but they feel like giving consent to the external causes of my misery, and that turns me off from pursuing them. I feel uncertain about whether they'd actually make me feel better or just stress me out more. It all just feels unfair and that makes me not want to bother.

The thing is I don't just want to function. I want joy. I feel like there's a critical shortage of joy in my life. Will shit like yoga and meditation really lead me there? It feels hard to believe. I am stuck in a job where everyone is treated like shit and made to feel like shit and then I go home to a shitty apartment where I hear every stupid thing my roommate does. I have tried to lean on my friends but it isn't enough. It only can provide fleeting relief. Is self care really enough to get me through this? Why would I even want it to be? I am asking because I genuinely want to feel differently about this. I don't want to feel hopeless. I want to feel good again.

I feel like when I wasn't as bad, coping felt *fun* and genuinely relieving. These days I feel in over my head.

when you say that if you use coping mechanisms you give consent to causes of misery... The causes are still there whether you cope using a mechanism or not... so do you accept it none the less?