Discussion How to try to not be completely alone in real life?

[BoulderSoWhat]

Hi all. I attempted CTB a few months ago. One factor was that I had isolated myself and cut myself off from all friends and family. Going forward this is best for me, to be without the relationships from my past. Despite this, I do hope for wellness for the people I've disconnected from.

Coming away from the attempt, I have a new job starting next week. I'm able to keep living independently. I am connected to a therapist and psychiatrist. I'm in a position to "move forward" without putting pressure on myself to define what that means, it doesn't have to be defined necessarily.

For anyone who has been in a similar situation of completely cutting away all relationships, but has since found at least one supportive person in real life, how did you find them?

I'm considering looking around at local meetup groups, maybe, after the new job takes shape. I don't know, trying to get out for a low stress hike or something might be good. Or more generally, if you've been completely alone, but decided at some point to try not to be alone anymore, how did you try to meet people or socialize?

Thank you for reading. If anyone can relate, best wishes.

 

[qualityOV3Rquantity]

I don't want to make assumptions about your situation, but may I ask about your relationship with your family? You said you cut yourself away from them, is there a reason you don't want to try and repair that relationship?

 

[BoulderSoWhat]

I don't want to make assumptions about your situation, but may I ask about your relationship with your family? You said you cut yourself away from them, is there a reason you don't want to try and repair that relationship?

***I'm very sorry, I kind of rambled while trying to answer your question haha. Clearly this is stuff I need to process and I'm kind of just trying to think as I write.

My thinking is complicated I guess when it comes to my family. My father was out of the picture early on due to a brain injury. I grew up with my mom and sister, but did not form strong bonds with either of them. With my sister it was particularly bad, I did not look at her or speak to her. My mother I interacted with, but as I grew older, I realized I was only interacting with her because I had to. Even saying "I love you" was just a response I would say back to my mom, because she would say it to me. For a time I stopped saying "I love you" back, because I was tired of saying words I didn't feel. I guess in that aftermath with the trauma from my father, my response growing up was isolation and disconnection from everyone. Saw myself as different from my immediate family. I didn't form any strong friendships or bonds with other people. Couldn't understand why people smiled or how people could look so happy with their lives.

In my struggle of wanting to get out of my home, but not knowing how or with any means to, my depressive symptoms moved more strongly to suicidal ideation. This led to a series of inpatient hospitalizations over a couple years. After one instance of hospitalization, I was doing outpatient community living several states away from home. At the end of my time there, I had a call with my mom. She said she didn't want me to come home because I was "too sick." I also expressed that I didn't want to go home, because home was a huge factor of my worsening depression.

So I abruptly became homeless, but managed to get myself out of that situation and brought myself back to my home state. I tried to reconnect with my family, it was okay for awhile. We just kind of accepted that we were all dealing with shit and the situation was shitty for many many years, but we could try to move forward just as adults, as people. But I don't know, I still just didn't feel fulfilled in the relationships with my family. I moved away from them for a job promotion a couple years ago, then gradually just communicated less and less to the point of just abruptly stop responding altogether.

I don't know, it just feels like I've needed to completely reject everything from my past, from birth and everything in between up to the point of my attempt. Going forward feels like a new way for me to more authentically be myself, whatever that means. As far as I know, they know nothing about my attempt. The last they knew was that I was working at the job I moved for. But I left that job in October 2023 due to worsening depression, isolation, job dissatisfaction, anhedonia, general life exhaustion stuff. Time went on for awhile, trying to decide what to do next. I lived off my savings, by this point almost nearly exhausted all of it. Then decided I was done, planned out the attempt for a month and tried to go. To try to reconnect with my family now, it would almost be like reopening old wounds. I would be honest that I attempted, but of course the roots of why I did go all the way back to childhood with my family.

 

[Wolf Girl]

Knowing nothing about you...

If it sounds cool, try jiu jitsu or MMA or some other martial art. Most gyms have a free trial. That's where I met the only irl friend I talk to now. If you're nerdy, try events at tabletop gaming stores, comic shops, small local cons, etc. If you're outgoing you could also look for local hangouts where you just show up on a weekend, e.g. we have a local quarry owned by some hippies. If you're brave, you can also try using Bumble for friends.

 

[BoulderSoWhat]

Knowing nothing about you...

If it sounds cool, try jiu jitsu or MMA or some other martial art. Most gyms have a free trial. That's where I met the only irl friend I talk to now. If you're nerdy, try events at tabletop gaming stores, comic shops, small local cons, etc. If you're outgoing you could also look for local hangouts where you just show up on a weekend, e.g. we have a local quarry owned by some hippies. If you're brave, you can also try using Bumble for friends.

Thanks for the suggestions! :) Yeah I suppose a struggle going forward is to find out what's interesting to me, to try to meet people I have things in common with. A lot of my life has been work, eat, sleep, isolate. I guess increasingly feeling non-human, just casually interacting with people feels stressful and anxiety inducing. But, since coming out of the hospital, returning to my apartment, I've specifically avoided buying a coffee maker. I like coffee, and if I want coffee everyday, I have to go outside and talk to humans, say "Hi", make eye contact, and order a coffee lol.

Whereas before, when I left my job last year, my last resort on trying to take care of myself was to figure out day trading and getting funded by prop firms for income. I tried doing that for 6 months, waking up at 2AM here in Eastern US, trying to trade forex currencies London session into New York session. I'd been interested in taking a shot at it for years. Made bad trading decisions over and over, coming from an anxious mindset that I needed to make this work if I want to survive, set on it being the last thing I wanted to try to do for myself before definitely saying time to CTB. Anyway, my schedule being like that was already isolating, then feeling worse and worse after repeatedly failing evaluations, any time I did go outside just felt like me being a ghost, floating by the people and world around me.

Maybe slowly, I know I want to work on this. Meeting new coworkers next week with a fresh slate and desire to do well, I do feel motivation there which is good. I'll be able to find ways to get out and explore what interests me, hoping to meet new people along the way.

 

[BlackEyedDog]

Consider looking for support groups also, they're not just for AA. Nami might be worth looking at (can see if there are groups by state). But also try some local searches.

 

[BoulderSoWhat]

Consider looking for support groups also, they're not just for AA. Nami might be worth looking at (can see if there are groups by state). But also try some local searches.

Ah I did actually find a local NAMI group! :) I've gone to 2 meetings so far. Work will make it difficult to attend. Assuming I get out on time, I would still be missing half the group. But I think it would still be worth it to have those connections maintained.