No matter what I'll always find it so terrible and dreadful to exist and I just wish that I never suffered more than anything in this existence, to me existence will always be an abomination that just causes pain, problems and suffering all for the sake of it with no limit as to how much one can be tortured and I suffer simply from existing.
I really would never wish for any of this and as long as I exist I'll only hope to never wake again, I'll just always prefer to not exist than be burdened with this deeply undesirable, torturous existence I always saw as a mistake, for me non-existence is all that's positive, I always suffer so much as a result of being burdened with this cruel existence.