Venting I accidentally told a mandated reporter that I used to cut and she said she was gonna tell my parents

[guineapiglover8503]

if it werent for my zoloft i would be screaming with rage right now. 2 days ago, I was hanging out at the mall with a family friend (let's call her p) I have known since I was 5. We, especially now that I have matured a lot, have discussed more serious topics that p trusts me with and wants me to keep secret. During this hangout at the mall, I let it slip that I used to cut and I stopped over a month ago. Of course, this is a big thing and she gave me hugs and asked me to never do it again etc etc and I thought she may occasionally ask me in private about it but other than that it wouldn't become an issue.

Now, I am visiting family for the holidays that live close by and have been having a good time. Tonight, while in my room drawing, my mother knocks on my door saying that I had something I want to tell her and that she got a call from p wondering if I had a therapist and that p was worried about my mental health. I immediately knew that this was out of concern due to what I told p, but I brushed it off. I then look at my phone and see that there was a text from like 15 mins ago asking for me to call her because it's "urgent" and I called her out of concern.

She then picks up and tells me that she has been thinking a lot about what I told her at the mall. I then reassure her that I have gotten better and I am taking care of myself (both are true), then she drops a bombshell. She says that she is a mandated reporter and claims she is required to report this type of behavior. She then says that she wanted to give me a chance to say it first to my parents which was why she told my mother I had something to tell her. Internally freaking out, I told her that I have already told my parents ages ago and she seemed to buy it. My parents found out about when I was cutting during a different occasion a few years ago so it wasn't entirely a lie. P was relieved and I told her that this should only be something talked about between me and my parents then we said bye and I hung up.

I don't know if I managed to fool her, and I am really worried that she will tell my parents soon regardless. My parents respect my privacy to an extent, but get angry when I lock my door due to them giving little warning before opening the door and have several times almost walked in on me masturbating or doing other embarrassing things. They also get really pushy about my online interactions if anything in regards to the internet is mentioned and pressure me hard about telling them since they find it suspicious that I don't tell them. They have also tried to ask to look at my messages before but I was able to convince them to not do so. However, they aren't that tech savvy so it won't be much of an issue to hide anything that I am worried about them seeing like me having discord, my messages between friends, or my activity on this site. I am fairly prepared for it and I have changed my passcodes for my phone and laptop since they made me tell them so they can't get into my devices without my permission and they won't be able to guess my passcodes.

I feel so betrayed right now since she promised me she wouldn't tell a soul and then she does this. I have also just been recovering from major trust issues due to bullying and then this happens when I open up about something. I am so mad and she better not tell my parents because they will just be more strict with me and have more reason to invade my privacy. Thank fuck I didn't tell her about me being suicidal because that would have been a million times worse. I am genuinely sure that if my parents find out, I might CTB because I am so close to breaking sometimes and this would be the final straw.

 

[yowai]

Ouch that was a foul thing of her to do, she could've at least try to talk to you more to find out if you're in danger to yourself and if it's really necessary to involve parents. How long have you been on zoloft? If it's not that long you can just tell them you self harmed because of depression and that was before getting medicated. If you get better they will see it and things will go back to normal after a while

 

[guineapiglover8503]

Ouch that was a foul thing of her to do, she could've at least try to talk to you more to find out if you're in danger to yourself and if it's really necessary to involve parents. How long have you been on zoloft? If it's not that long you can just tell them you self harmed because of depression and that was before getting medicated. If you get better they will see it and things will go back to normal after a while

ive been on zoloft for about 4 years. thank you tho and yeah I agree that wasnt the best decision on her part. zoloft doesnt help a ton with my depression but it has done wonders for my anxiety and i love it for that

 

[wondering&wandering]

That sucks. :/

How you feel totally makes sense and is valid, but hopefully you don't see it as a breach of trust and more of your friend doing their best to navigate these waters.

She did text/call you to warn you about how she was/felt obligated to tell your parents. Idk, it's hard.

You're talking to someone who has no irl friends so I might be full of it, but I think it might be a good idea to do your best to maintain this friendship since it seems a good one. Your friend seems to genuinely care about you. Perhaps, talking with her about how this made you feel might help?

It is a bit odd though how mandating reporting works. It seems to just make the hurt people more hurt. I'm familiar with those rules. :/

Best of luck to you.

 

[guineapiglover8503]

That sucks. :/

How you feel totally makes sense and is valid, but hopefully you don't see it as a breach of trust and more of your friend doing their best to navigate these waters.

She did text/call you to warn you about how she was/felt obligated to tell your parents. Idk, it's hard.

You're talking to someone who has no irl friends so I might be full of it, but I think it might be a good idea to do your best to maintain this friendship since it seems a good one. Your friend seems to genuinely care about you. Perhaps, talking with her about how this made you feel might help?

It is a bit odd though how mandating reporting works. It seems to just make the hurt people more hurt. I'm familiar with those rules. :/

Best of luck to you.

she really did have good intentions and I won't ever deny that. It wasn't the best decision on her part either and this wasn't even worthy of a mandated report. She is a wonderful person overall and I do love her dearly (platonically), I am just a bit upset about her action. I won't ever cut her off or confront her about this, I will mostly keep this to myself and my friends.

 

[wondering&wandering]

she really did have good intentions and I won't ever deny that. It wasn't the best decision on her part either and this wasn't even worthy of a mandated report.

Right, yeah I see what you mean.

She is a wonderful person overall and I do love her dearly (platonically), I am just a bit upset about her action. I won't ever cut her off or confront her about this, I will mostly keep this to myself and my friends.

That's good to hear. :D Wish you the best.

 

[EternalShore]

that's so cruel! :/ I'm pretty sure being a mandated reporter just refers to when you're working the job, not talking to a friend! D: and if it doesn't, then, that's controlled speech and should be illegal! :/ what the heck~ >_< anyways, I hope she believed what you truthfully said about it and won't tell your parents~ :) and yeah, it's really hard to trust others~ :( especially about the kind of things we get to talk about here~ :) Especially when people will pull things like this even due to their good intentions! >_< I'm glad you're better able to talk about things you're concerned about like that here~ :)
It's nice to have a childhood friend like that for so long tho! ^_^ since 5 years old is crazy~ hehe~ You may still be stuck here like the rest of us, but you're sooo lucky in that respect! hehe~

It is a bit odd though how mandating reporting works. It seems to just make the hurt people more hurt. I'm familiar with those rules. :/

yup... all it does is break trusting bonds and potentially even result in someone getting sent a psych ward against their will! :/ which can make one's situation even worse! >_<

 

[guineapiglover8503]

that's so cruel! :/ I'm pretty sure being a mandated reporter just refers to when you're working the job, not talking to a friend! D: and if it doesn't, then, that's controlled speech and should be illegal! :/ what the heck~ >_< anyways, I hope she believed what you truthfully said about it and won't tell your parents~ :) and yeah, it's really hard to trust others~ :( especially about the kind of things we get to talk about here~ :) Especially when people will pull things like this even due to their good intentions! >_< I'm glad you're better able to talk about things you're concerned about like that here~ :)
It's nice to have a childhood friend like that for so long tho! ^_^ since 5 years old is crazy~ hehe~ You may still be stuck here like the rest of us, but you're sooo lucky in that respect! hehe~


yup... all it does is break trusting bonds and potentially even result in someone getting sent a psych ward against their will! :/ which can make one's situation even worse! >_<

she was originally my nanny lol but shes become pretty much extended family and i agree 100%. I will go to a psych ward if i significantly regress but otherwise i am not going to one against my will

 

[EternalShore]

she was originally my nanny lol but shes become pretty much extended family and i agree 100%. I will go to a psych ward if i significantly regress but otherwise i am not going to one against my will

ahhh, I see! >_< The mandatory reporting makes more sense now~ >_< hehe~ I had one too~ :) She was neat, but I haven't heard anything from her in forever~ xD It's neat you became so close to yours still! ^_^
makes sense, yesu! ^_^

 

[Whale_bones]

she really did have good intentions and I won't ever deny that. It wasn't the best decision on her part either and this wasn't even worthy of a mandated report. She is a wonderful person overall and I do love her dearly (platonically), I am just a bit upset about her action. I won't ever cut her off or confront her about this, I will mostly keep this to myself and my friends.

I would recommend looking up the rules in your location (they vary slightly by state in the U.S.) but as far as U.S. rules go, this was absolutely not a situation that required mandated reporting.

Anyone who's a mandated reporter should be aware that the line is "an imminent danger to self or others" and in situations where they do have to report, it's to a professional, like a healthcare professional or the authorities, NOT to someone's parents.

Parents don't have any legal duty to follow the rules of the psychiatric profession; even if a mandated reporter tells a parent that their child is at risk of suicide and they should take them to the ER, the parent can simply decide not to. Whereas healthcare professionals have a legal duty to go through a process when they're told someone is an "imminent danger" to themselves.

So even if someone has good intentions, it's flat out irresponsible to use mandated reporting as an excuse for telling someone's parents. It's an incorrect use of mandated reporting in the first place, and doesn't put any safeguards in place, because parents aren't professionals and can make any decision they choose to about whether to take their adult child to a healthcare facility.

If you feel like it, you could definitely have a conversation with her about this, while still being polite about it. She has a very faulty understanding of what mandated reporting is, and if I were her I'd want to be made aware of that. Completely up to you though, of course, and whatever you feel is best