I always thought I consider intelligence as ultimatively sexy - seemingly no

[noname223]

There are two women in my self-help group.

I had deep, intelligent, analytical conversations with a master student in chemistry. She is absolutely not loyal she jumps from one boyfriend to the next and that is a red flag for me. She is quite bright but I have the feeling I would only be a number for her. I need someone who stays by my side even at my lowest she would never be that.

I have a crush on someone else. I don't think she is extremely smart. But she is not stupid either. I think the conversations won't be as deep. But her smile when I crack my jokes. I could die for her. I am not sure whether she is interested in me. A long time she signaled me not to approach her. Now I got some positive vibes from her. She did not want to trigger my love delusions which was such an amazing action of her. The way she looks at me is amazing. I think she likes my autistic quirks. However, she told me she rather does not want a relationship again where she is the mom of her boyfriend. Tbh I think this is not how our relationship would look like. Yes I am pretty dependent person. But I have a mom it is my mom. Lol.

I think worshipping intelligence is a odd thing to do when it comes to love. I am glad I am not sapiosexual.

 

[Thisisnotaname]

I could die for her. I am not sure whether she is interested in me.

Don't die for anyone

 

[noname223]

Don't die for anyone

You know my current mindset.

 

[Demi-Fiend]

Gauge your intuition, but also you miss the shots you don't take. If you express an interest in girl #1, the worst that can happen is a rejection or the potential relationship not working out and gracefully give yourself a pat on the back for trying. Good luck!

 

[star.trip]

just make sure that your intentions and theirs match. Love is very complex. I wouldn't want to be in the situation of choosing between two

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think I've mentioned this before. I had a friend who used to feel bad for going for clever guys. Like it was snobbery or something. I just think it means you want to be able to talk to them on a deep level though. I would have thought that was a noble thing to want in a way. To be able to relate. Seems more deep than going for someone purely because of their looks in some ways but, I suppose that's also something people work hard to maintain. I suspect we feel attracted to the people we do for multiple reasons though.

I don't know whether it's weird or to be expected but, I don't find it all that common to find someone I really 'click' with. In terms of friendship too. It's not always that easy to pinpoint why either. It has been kind of magical when it has happened though but then, equally upsetting to lose it.

I would say I suffer from love delusions too if I'm honest. I think mine are limerence and mine are flaring up at the moment too. I have to be so careful. I actually felt weirdly happy at points today. I haven't felt like that in years. I'm sure it will all go to shit as it usually does for me but, I hope you have more luck!

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Is it an option to just kind of chill and maybe use your self help group for, I don't know, self help, rather than seeing it as a kind of speed dating? Some people even view this type of interaction as a bit immoral because if everyone is there for help and support, then it's not really the time or place for meeting someone. In general, if you have to chase it down, it's not going to come to you. So I would maybe see this as an opportunity to express yourself and not be focused on these women.

I think even if you want to network with them, it's best to give the impression that you're not bothered either way, and that if you just so happen to chat then great, but you're not hung up on it. What I find is that typically, if you're seeking out someone with someone, they will look for every opportunity to flake and ghost (which will put you back in the cycle you've just been in).

If it were me I'd use the group for therapy and just forget about anything until a woman approaches you and gives you some half-decent signals.

 

[Mamihlapinatapei]

As a neuro divergent with a really smart partner I can relate! His intelligence is not only IQ, he's also emotionally very strong, confident and communicative. Which makes that our relationship feels very safe, I've been down in the pits of hell for almost a year now and there was never any doubt if my depression was too heavy on the relationship.

Sure, it's nice to have detailed discussions, but I'd choose good soft skills over hard intellect every day. I just happen to be lucky with someone who has both.

I love it when he talks about his passions. <3

 

[noname223]

Is it an option to just kind of chill and maybe use your self help group for, I don't know, self help, rather than seeing it as a kind of speed dating? Some people even view this type of interaction as a bit immoral because if everyone is there for help and support, then it's not really the time or place for meeting someone. In general, if you have to chase it down, it's not going to come to you. So I would maybe see this as an opportunity to express yourself and not be focused on these women.

I think even if you want to network with them, it's best to give the impression that you're not bothered either way, and that if you just so happen to chat then great, but you're not hung up on it. What I find is that typically, if you're seeking out someone with someone, they will look for every opportunity to flake and ghost (which will put you back in the cycle you've just been in).

If it were me I'd use the group for therapy and just forget about anything until a woman approaches you and gives you some half-decent signals.

To my defense I never went on the offense with any woman in this group. This chemistry master student went on the offense with me two weeks ago. I would have never had done something like that. But it also was coincidence because we were the only two seemingly per addicent who went to the group.

The woman I have a crush on. Well I just developed that. I noticed how she tried not to trigger me and I really liked that. I am also fascinated by the way she laughs at my jokes. I never went on the offense with her. But I think she noticed how I look at her. I also noticed how she looks at me.
However, I still think she has major doubts whether a relationship with me would be a good idea. I am not sure whether and how I should approach her. I think she is probably ambivalent. And in my ambiguity intolerant mind I have issues to accept that.

I am not that concerned about morals on this issue. Because the first person who broke that rule was that chemistry master student.

I think you are right with your statement "f you're seeking out someone with someone, they will look for every opportunity to flake and ghost" because this is exactly what pissed me off with the chemisty master student. She did exactly that with me.

 

[Ultracheese]

I am not sapiosexual so I may not have a good grasp on how that works, but it seems to me that to a certain extent, things like that should be more of a guideline than a hard rule. Someone may be intelligent and attractive, but if they are cruel or manipulative then that attraction dissolves pretty quickly.

I cannot say whether the current crush seems like she's attracted to you, as I'm not super great at determining that, either in my life or the lives of others. I think if something develops, then it will develop, as cheesy as it sounds. It sounds like she is honest with you which is a good sign. If you are enjoying her friendship and company, I'd recommend focusing on cultivating that. I wish you the best of luck regardless of how things turn out.

 

[SweetItalianS]

There are two women in my self-help group.

I had deep, intelligent, analytical conversations with a master student in chemistry. She is absolutely not loyal she jumps from one boyfriend to the next and that is a red flag for me. She is quite bright but I have the feeling I would only be a number for her. I need someone who stays by my side even at my lowest she would never be that.

I have a crush on someone else. I don't think she is extremely smart. But she is not stupid either. I think the conversations won't be as deep. But her smile when I crack my jokes. I could die for her. I am not sure whether she is interested in me. A long time she signaled me not to approach her. Now I got some positive vibes from her. She did not want to trigger my love delusions which was such an amazing action of her. The way she looks at me is amazing. I think she likes my autistic quirks. However, she told me she rather does not want a relationship again where she is the mom of her boyfriend. Tbh I think this is not how our relationship would look like. Yes I am pretty dependent person. But I have a mom it is my mom. Lol.

I think worshipping intelligence is a odd thing to do when it comes to love. I am glad I am not sapiosexual.

We only get to live once(from my personal experience), so in my opinion - buy some cute flowers gift it to her next time you two will meet and then invite her for a date and see where it goes after that. You can have deep conversations with friends or people online, I think girlfriends are for something else :p

 

[Privateer2368]

There are two women in my self-help group.

I had deep, intelligent, analytical conversations with a master student in chemistry. She is absolutely not loyal she jumps from one boyfriend to the next and that is a red flag for me. She is quite bright but I have the feeling I would only be a number for her. I need someone who stays by my side even at my lowest she would never be that.

I have a crush on someone else. I don't think she is extremely smart. But she is not stupid either. I think the conversations won't be as deep. But her smile when I crack my jokes. I could die for her. I am not sure whether she is interested in me. A long time she signaled me not to approach her. Now I got some positive vibes from her. She did not want to trigger my love delusions which was such an amazing action of her. The way she looks at me is amazing. I think she likes my autistic quirks. However, she told me she rather does not want a relationship again where she is the mom of her boyfriend. Tbh I think this is not how our relationship would look like. Yes I am pretty dependent person. But I have a mom it is my mom. Lol.

I think worshipping intelligence is a odd thing to do when it comes to love. I am glad I am not sapiosexual.

There's no such thing as 'sapiosexual'. It's just a label some teens on the internet applied to themselves to sound quirky and unique.

It takes more than one trait to make a person attractive.

 

[yellowjester]

sapiosexual

Wow, I didn't know there was a term for that.

Personally, I like women who are intelligent, but not very educated. Extra points if english (or german) isn't her first language and she sounds a little clumsy as a result.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Wow, I didn't know there was a term for that.

Personally, I like women who are intelligent, but not very educated. Extra points if english (or german) isn't her first language and she sounds a little clumsy as a result.

I can't tell if this a joke or not...

 

[yellowjester]

I can't tell if this a joke or not...

Why, is that a weird thing to say?

 

[noname223]

Tomorrow is my self-help group. The Chemistry master Student texted me today. I have the feeling I should skip her. She could be pretty pissed on me and maybe she is out for revenge. There is someone who knows that I was in a clinic. And He is friend with her. He told me He will keep it a secret. But I once gossiped with the Chemistry master Student about him. Maybe she now knows that I was in a clinic inter alia because of her.
I will be very defensive.

I think I should focus on one woman namingly my crush. I could imagine she ghosts and dodges me tomorrow. After the last good conversation with her it was exactly the same. I should be mentally prepared for that. I am not sure whether I am.

I think my Chance would have been better if I focused on the Chemistry Student. But I just prefer my crush. Being interested in both does not work.

I will try to abide this suggestion:
"If it were me I'd use the group for therapy and just forget about anything until a woman approaches you and gives you some half-decent signals."

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Why, is that a weird thing to say?

Tbh, it kind of is. It reminds me of the weird shit I've heard those strange passport-type bros say, where they want a Southeast Asian wide who speaks poor English and isn't educated.

 

[yellowjester]

Tbh, it kind of is. It reminds me of the weird shit I've heard those strange passport-type bros say, where they want a Southeast Asian wide who speaks poor English and isn't educated.

Ok, that's obviously not what I meant. But thanks for lumping me in with sex tourists, I guess?

ETA: when I said 'not very educated' I meant as in 'didn't go to college/doesn't read too many books', not 'didn't learn how to fucking read'.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Ok, that's obviously not what I meant. But thanks for lumping me in with sex tourists, I guess?

ETA: when I said 'not very educated' I meant as in 'didn't go to college/doesn't read too many books', not 'didn't learn how to fucking read'.

I'm not trying to lump you in with those types of people. It's just that what you said reminds me of what similar stuff I've heard them said.

 

[yellowjester]

I'm not trying to lump you in with those types of people. It's just that what you said reminds me of what similar stuff I've heard them said.

whatever

 

[noname223]

It scares me how much mood hinges on women.

 

[noname223]

I was in my self-help group again and it was pretty good I had to take a benzo to calm down. I think I impressed my crush with being manic the last time. She knows I am a brainfuck from time to time. I think she is still interested in me but we have not texted yet.

Tbh the group like this week was utterly insane. I felt bad for the chemistry master student who seems to be still interested in me. I think my manic me has some charisma.

But I had to tell the group the story about my stay in clinic for acute suicidal people. Obviously, I could not say it was inter alia because of women. Lmao. This would have been nuts. I said the trigger was the re-start of college which is sort of the true. But I stressed a severe argument with my parents. Which is at least somewhat true.

I think after telling the story with being forced to a clinic for acute suicidal people, one patient committing suicide. being paranoid I was responsible for that. They were stunned. My crush did not look good. But I think the people in this group is used to my very fucked up stories. I played it down how harmless everything was. I think they believed me.

I was not sure how to interact with the chemistry master student. It is a bad situation for her. There was one bad thing. This is complex to explain.

The friend of her who knew I was in a clinic fronted me. I think he knew I met the chemistry student. And that I obviously had a crush on someone else. He acted like an asshole. He told me after this horrible week maybe there was something positive you told the group you dated someone maybe you had luck with her. And this was such an asshole move. But luck for me. I responded "I dated someone? Well that woman rejected me to my face". I thought of the woman from that dating app. And my crush knew I was rejected by her. So she does not think behind her back I am interested in someone else. Genuinely, always when I dated that dating app woman or the chemistry master student I wished to be together with my crush. However, I think it might hurt the chemistry master student a lot when I said someone rejected me to my face. I was in no position to say something else. And I wasn't refering to her actually. But it sort of also applies to her. I tried to avoid hurting her feeling but I think I have done that. But she hurt my feeling first when she told she decides for her bf.

I am glad I have not texted with my crush yet. I think being slower this time is the better approach. Giving her time, room and space. I cannot read her mind. It could fuck me up for good if I fuck it up.

I am texting again with a woman I dated 7 years ago. She married her best female friend. We have long exchanges. I wonder whether her former best friend and now wife still beats her. She sounded so toxic. I don't think she is interested in me. I cannot imagine that. But our long very personal conversations are sort of weird.

 

[Higurashi415]

I used to think the same. I think it all starts when we're young.
We think we're smarter than most people, and thus we begin to seek for smart people because we think we're alike (whether that's true or not).
I've come to realize having someone close to you in intellect (say +-10 on the IQ scale, bearing in mind it's not a great proxy for intelligence and all that, I just don't want this reply to be too long) is good enough. +-10 is a smart person only if you're smart haha

 

[noname223]

I wanted to take a break of dating and relax for some time. And now I am in the midst of texting with someone I once dated and my feelings for my crush got stronger. I have feelings that maybe she has feelings for me too.

It is so so so fucking utterly hopeless. I gonna crash so so fucking hard. And I don't even have something here to kill myself. I think I will take benzos.

My crush got so much stronger. I think about her all the fucking time. It is so obvious that I will fuck it up. Or maybe I already did that.

I wish I had shut my mouth, did not text my friend and just took the SN. This will hurt so so fucking bad. I am so fucking scared.

Some bipolar people actually like manic symptoms. I fucking hate them. I wish I was still somewhat depressed but all in all somewhat stable.

The only idea I have to get into contact with several different women. As back-up if I fuck it up with every single one of them.

Tbh rationally I think my chances with my crush are very low. I adore her way too much and I want her too much.

 

[ZeroM24]

Since at least 1 year I'm only attracted to people who are the most similar to me