ANWDZQBZ
New Member
- Nov 2, 2024
- 1
I'm not even interested in sex or romance but it still feels terrible to be invisible. I have been alone my entire life, i always wished to at least have a friend. But nobody has ever wanted to be my friend. The closest thing i got a friend in real life was a family member hanging out with me out of pity, and being used for money or items or worse in exchange for being talked to at school. I've talked to people online, it is the same scenario and they always move on with their lives, i used to buy people games in hopes they would play with me, even if they had been cruel to me. The only times i am not invisible is when I am being used as a literal or metaphorical punching bag for others. childhood bullying and lifelong rejection as well as familial abuse has caused me to become a hermit, trapping myself in my bedroom to avoid the crushing pain of having to interact with others, see their eyes drift past me at best or their faces contort in disgust at worst. the worst is when they smirk at me because they know i'm inferior, they think because I'm ugly im too retarded to figure out theyre mocking me. when i was a young child, i got good grades in school and had hobbies, but abuse from everyone resulted in me giving up on everything, dropping out of school and becoming a perma hermit at only 14. I am now 20 years old, too terrified to do anything because of my past experiences. i have worked and been around people a bit in the time between then and now and it has only strengthened my resolve to avoid others. I remember being 9 years old and crying to my mother that i wanted to die because everyone is mean to me at school. over a decade later, the feeling remains. All i ever wanted was to be treated like a human by at least one person. i pretend to be unaffected by love, but i have such a big heart on the inside and i wish i could devote myself to making someone happy, someone that would just acknowledge me as a human worthy of respect.
