I am mad at myself for not knowing when to CTB

[EternalSoul]

I am so angry at myself for not knowing when I am gonna CTB. Like I have everything ready and I can do it at anytime. I talked a lot more about why I am kinda waiting to CTB in another post, if you're interested. However I just know if I keep going with a little bit of hope, I am setting myself up for disappointment, and an existence full of pain and longing everyday. Does this make sense??? Like do I just hold on til I can't, maybe so…

 

[FishRain3469]

Same for me, I get it. Makes perfect sense. Wish I had answers for you but sadly I don't. I'm just trying to hang on for the time being..... Until it all comes crashing down.. In which I will blow my fckn brains out. Fck... Fml.

Wish you Nothing but the best in whatever may happen. ♥

 

[ForeverCaHa]

I feel very much the same. Today I have somewhat talked myself down from an attempt, but the urge is still there. It's hard because I know it's inevitable, so any 'progress' I make will essentially mean nothing in the end

 

[rs929]

I feel very much the same. Today I have somewhat talked myself down from an attempt, but the urge is still there. It's hard because I know it's inevitable, so any 'progress' I make will essentially mean nothing in the end

Why is it inevitable?

 

[updog]

Yeah, same. I have a rope and place, but still for some reason I'm still here

 

[EternalSoul]

Same for me, I get it. Makes perfect sense. Wish I had answers for you but sadly I don't. I'm just trying to hang on for the time being..... Until it all comes crashing down.. In which I will blow my fckn brains out. Fck... Fml.

Wish you Nothing but the best in whatever may happen. ♥

Thank you, wishing you as well the best in whatever may happen. I hope you find some peace and serenity in the time being.

Yeah, same. I have a rope and place, but still for some reason I'm still here

I feel very much the same. Today I have somewhat talked myself down from an attempt, but the urge is still there. It's hard because I know it's inevitable, so any 'progress' I make will essentially mean nothing in the end

I understand that feeling of urge in the midst of holding back, it such a confusing feeling.

 

[CravingPeace]

It is so confusing. Wanting to go and wanting to stay at the same time. It's interesting, because even an inkling of "wanting to stay" overpowers the desire to leave, even when you can logically admit that staying would cause you more harm. Survival instinct at its finest.

 

[JesiBel]

It's good to have a method ready to execute. There's nothing wrong with staying in this world a little longer. I believe the right moment will come on its own without looking for it. Don't pressure yourself.

I don't have any answers either, it's not that I'm a masochist or that I have hope... it's just weird.

 

[EternalSoul]

It is so confusing. Wanting to go and wanting to stay at the same time. It's interesting, because even an inkling of "wanting to stay" overpowers the desire to leave, even when you can logically admit that staying would cause you more harm. Survival instinct at its finest.

It is an interesting thought of the survival instinct aspect. I never thought of it that way and it defintely an intriguing topic for me to think of. Thank you for that insight!

It's good to have a method ready to execute. There's nothing wrong with staying in this world a little longer. I believe the right moment will come on its own without looking for it. Don't pressure yourself.

I don't have any answers either, it's not that I'm a masochist or that I have hope... it's just weird.

I agree too, that the right moment will present itself to me. I think I am going to stop pressuring myself, and let it happen as it does. Searching for the right time I find is more aggravating as of recently than it does bring me peace. Even though I been searching for the right time in order to prepare a peaceful farewell, I just need to rest in the fact that I am prepared and can CTB anytime, and let that fact alone bring me ease until the time comes.

 

[Worndown]

I am so angry at myself for not knowing when I am gonna CTB. Like I have everything ready and I can do it at anytime. I talked a lot more about why I am kinda waiting to CTB in another post, if you're interested. However I just know if I keep going with a little bit of hope, I am setting myself up for disappointment, and an existence full of pain and longing everyday. Does this make sense??? Like do I just hold on til I can't, maybe so…

When you abolutely need to go, you will know.