I am not ashamed to say that work plays a big role in why I am going to CTB

[fallingbehind]

Not at all. Ever since I was small, I lacked ambition. I hated school, I hated break time, I hated every single hobby my parents would make me do. All i liked doing was listening to music and fucking around on my ipad. I am 21 now, and nothing has changed. I am fundamentally wrong. I wasnt born with a will to exist, and I'm supposed to spend my "life" wage slaving, living pay check to pay check? Fuck you.

My father forced me to get an internship whilst Im visiting home (im an international university student) and my suicidal ideation peaked so bad I tried to prematurely kill myself last week. School is annoying, but im able to drift into numbness there. Work on the other hand? Fuck off.

My plan was always to die in my last year of university, but I cannot take a month more of this hell.

 

[weedbrain]

If it gives you any hope at all, it took me until mid twenties before I found a hobby that I actually enjoyed and could stick with for long periods of time. It's not guaranteed, but there's a chance those things could lead to freedom. If anything at all piques your interest or you think something like, "that could be cool to learn," give it a shot. You may even like it so much that it offsets the work shittiness enough to keep you alive while you work towards freedom.

 

[death_bed221]

We are modern slaves. We are not made to be working 40+ hours a week to just survive. Its brainwashing from the elites that don't do shit and using ur guilt

 

[fallingbehind]

We are modern slaves. We are not made to be working 40+ hours a week to just survive. Its brainwashing from the elites that don't do shit and using ur guilt

I cant comprehend how normal people can look me in my face and tell me that the world is hard, work is hard, and everything sucks and then get suprised when we dont want to live. Why do they accept wage-slaving? I dont fucking understand.

 

[Renato]

My father forced me to get an internship whilst Im visiting home (im an international university student) and my suicidal ideation peaked so bad I tried to prematurely kill myself last week. School is annoying, but im able to drift into numbness there. Work on the other hand? Fuck off.

To an extent I can relate to that: even if I have always been ambitious I recognize that I fundamentally lack both discipline and maybe even true interest for things, so I ended up wasting a shameful amount of time doing basically nothing.

Just as a side note, being older than you I can assure that, if you so wish, you can totally find average jobs that are even less demanding than school if you just want to drift into numbness. This is especially true if you can land an office job. Being a wage slave is awful especially for your self esteem but it's not strictly demanding (if you don't willingly join the rat race).

Personally I tied my identity to the idea of being successful sooner or later: the awareness that I will probably stay mediocre for the rest of my life is one of the reasons I'm here, but this doesn't look like your situation.

 

[TAW122]

Throughout most of human existence work was a necessity and that has just evolved as modern civilization progressed and advanced. To your thread, yes I too feel the existential dread of wageslaving and in fact, I was opposed (and still am) to it even before I knew the concept of 'anti-work' or similar things. Even though I currently have a job, I still dread it everytime, but I maintain the facade of things are well on the outside so people don't try to intervene against my will. The only times I've been able to barely tolerate wageslaving is if/when I'm going to go for something I want (usually a cope, a desire) in sentience, but deep down I too, know that wageslaving just sucks and I'm still just biding my time until the right opportunity and moment presents itself and then I can go and finally pull the CTB trigger and escape this hellhole.

 

[hedezev4]

I completely understand you. I tried several times to study at different educational institutions and also tried working. I just can't do it. I skipped school, different educational institutions, and jobs. And now I'm a NEET. If I have to work, I think it would give me enough motivation for CTB. I remember when, after a year of being a NEET, I tried a part-time job for one or two hours from home, and it was unbearable. I remember feeling existential dread about what I had to do.

I tried to understand how other people manage it, but I never figured it out. It feels like they're just built differently.

 

[Wolf Girl]

I cant comprehend how normal people can look me in my face and tell me that the world is hard, work is hard, and everything sucks and then get suprised when we dont want to live.

Yeah... They do this with pretty much everything suicidal people are sad about.

If you're sad about your lack of close relationships then you apparently need to accept that most relationships aren't healthy or permanent.

If you're sad about war and atrocities, then you just need to accept those things have existed since the dawn of time and always will.

How is this supposed to make us want to live? It's just reinforcing the desire to die.

 

[LigottiIsRight]

I definitely relate to this, I'm really averse to make any unwanted effort. My twenties have been a succession of failed attempts of completing different study plans because of it, and I'm at the point where I can't continue postponing wage-slaving (I lack valid excuses for it). I can't see myself adapting to 9-5 work, the idea is alien, ridiculous.