• Hey Guest,

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    Our platform is already blocked by many UK ISPs, yet they continue their attempts to stifle free speech. Standing up to this kind of regulatory overreach requires lots of resources to maintain our infrastructure and fight back against these unjust demands. If you value our community and want to support us during this time, we would greatly appreciate any and all donations.

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noname223

Archangel
Aug 18, 2020
5,694
Several years ago I was in a clinic two times in the same year. I was in a mixed manic depressive episode and in a lot of mental pain after being fired. The clinic itself was very good and increased my life quality temporarily a lot. But the second time I was there the clinic boss left this nasty comment and wanted me to go as soon as possible.

This is 3,5 years ago and I want to go to this clinic again. The psychiatrist of the other day clinic in my area told me I felt too bad for a day clinic and should also stay over night there. I only told him 50% of the truth not that I have SN here in my apartment etc.

I am pretty scared about that clinic boss in the other clinic. I just read she is still the boss there. I am nervous. She was pretty apathetic about my suicidality and despair.

I was acute suicidal some weeks ago and the notion of going to college still makes me acute suicidal. My life prospects are terrible and it is only a matter of time when I will commit suicide. But I never have attempted which makes me look like an attention seeker seemingly. I tried partial and stood at the floor of the 7th floor some years ago but I did not actually wanted to go through with it. I barely speak with my professionals about my suicidality. It does not help much, I am scared they lose hope in me and I dislike the feeling of being seen as attention seeker. But in this clinic I have the feeling I have to prove that I am really suicidal which feels so wrong and toxic.

I tell you something. If she leaves some nasty remarks about not being actually suicidal I will tell them I am frequently in a suicide forum. Then they will act like that this was the big bad wolve which is the root evil of all my problems. Honestly I could imagine this would happen. LMAO. Despite the fact it is so far from the truth and instead this forum helps me to survive my daily living hell. I think if I mentioned it is fucking Sanctioned Suicide they would either reject me from the clinic stay and/or call the cops on me. This is so sad.

So I am in a dilemma. How much of the actual truth should I tell? If I am too honest they might want that I go to a day and night clinic which I don't want. If I am not explicit enough about my suicide intentions they might consider me an attention seeker and tell me I felt too good for being there.

Despite the fact I am whining here about it I think therapies and clinic stays are worth it. They helped me a lot to cope but I have to admit that some nasty comments from the staff hurt me. I still would recommend them to everyone who is able to afford them. (my opinion)
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Praestat_Mori
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noname223

Archangel
Aug 18, 2020
5,694
Bump. I am ruminating so much about what they will respond to my story and which parts I should mention so that they welcome me in that clinic.
 

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