I am so upset and angry and depressed...

[6477244ts5]

I don't want to die. I've been living in pain and in a smaller and smaller ball of life for so long now. My life was stolen from me by shit doctors and I list everything. People dropped off one by one as they turned to blame the victim to make it easier for themselves. Finally after years of nothing I got an opportunity. A job I could do with a person who was kind and ethical and willing to work around my issues. But of course like some cosmic curse a new issue came up that will prevent me from doing this job. I have tried everything I can to solve it and it's just not possible. So I have no choice but to suffer more or CTB. I am never at peace about it...I am angry and anxious and hate that I cannot have a life. I can't even just spontaneously do it due to living situation and need to make up some elaborate plan to leave and hope they don't get suspicious and meddle as I would need a day or more to travel to anyplace I would want to do it. Everything is shit...everything is hard...I am a middle aged fucking man who did everything right and had everything stolen...and see no way out.

 

[Dead_Inside]

Damn. That sounds horrible. I am sorry for the shit you are going through and the missed opportunities.
Life with pain can be unbearable and people who don't understand what it would be like to never escape pain can only tell you to try different methods of distraction. Or do this or that. It's not ok.

 

[Jon86]

How many decent years did you get? I feel the same, health problems destroyed me starting around 12, now 32.

One solace I have is that 'no one get's out of this alive'.

 

[shadow11]

I don't want to die. I've been living in pain and in a smaller and smaller ball of life for so long now. My life was stolen from me by shit doctors and I list everything. People dropped off one by one as they turned to blame the victim to make it easier for themselves. Finally after years of nothing I got an opportunity. A job I could do with a person who was kind and ethical and willing to work around my issues. But of course like some cosmic curse a new issue came up that will prevent me from doing this job. I have tried everything I can to solve it and it's just not possible. So I have no choice but to suffer more or CTB. I am never at peace about it...I am angry and anxious and hate that I cannot have a life. I can't even just spontaneously do it due to living situation and need to make up some elaborate plan to leave and hope they don't get suspicious and meddle as I would need a day or more to travel to anyplace I would want to do it. Everything is shit...everything is hard...I am a middle aged fucking man who did everything right and had everything stolen...and see no way out.

Sounds like we have a lot in common, every time I think its going to get better something else goes to shit.