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DuplicateFeline

DuplicateFeline

Member
Jun 18, 2024
11
I had a date and method in mind. My plan was to double up on my usual meds and abuse my anxiety meds because they make me tired. I drank a lot as well because it made me less likely to chicken out. I woke up the next morning still alive, because I guess all the drugs put me to sleep before I could actually follow through. I was disappointed, but the experience changed my life.

See, the reason that I was attempting was because my girlfriend of 13 years had broken up with me about 8 months prior and it RUINED me. But when I woke up, I did some reflection, and I realized that my life was so much better without her. See, her mom tasked me with "fixing her" since I was about 16 because she couldn't figure out how to fix her herself, and it destroyed me. By the end, I realized what it was that her mom wanted me to fix, and that I simply could not fix it, because she took advantage of everything and everyone she could until their good will ran out.

She made messes that I had to clean up. She ate food that we insisted was not hers and lied about it. I had to almost bully her into making one meal a day, and it was usually something from a box, while I always made something with real meat and vegetables. She and my father hated each other even though we all lived together, and it made my relationship with my dad hell on earth because I felt like I had to be constantly defending her. She was relying on me for groceries and some bills even though all of my money came from working for my father and from my other partner, who just wanted me to not have to starve despite my girlfriend and I both being unemployed. I wasn't able to use the room that contained my entire indoor garden all day because she spent 16 hours a day on her computer, which happened to be in that room, because she was unwilling to spend even one hour doing something besides playing video games and talking to her online friends. She wasn't even willing to move her computer, because that room was very secluded, and she would have to bother the rest of the household if she put it anywhere else. It was a bit of a disaster, to put it lightly.

BUT NOW, I am able to do everything I want AND MORE, and I'm surprised that I didn't realize it before.

Where do I even begin? I take care of my indoor garden now. I delight every day in seeing my tomatoes bloom and watching their flowers turn into tiny cherry tomatoes. My relationship with my father has never been better. It's the same thing with my boyfriend, too. He has lots of money and gives me much more of it now that he can guarantee that all of it is going to go toward me and no one else. Because of that, I was able to start two aquariums (It started as one betta fish and one mystery snail, but my betta eats snail faces, so now I have a betta aquarium and a snail aquarium... Oops...) and take care of my other animals better than ever. She never wanted to drive me to the pet store to get crickets for my gecko and he got very skinny, but my dad brings me to the store every two weeks on the dot, so my lil guy is fattening back up nicely. He looks healthier than he has in years. All of my herbivores get fresh vegetables every night because I can afford them now. They all get good chunks of hay as well, because I can care about feeding THEM as much as I care about feeding ME. The aquariums have been especially helpful because both are exactly in my view when I'm sitting on my bed, and looking at either one of them just gives me a shot of dopamine. My snails are regenerating their faces and my betta is so happy and healthy that he went from being orange and white with some blue spots to being this INCREDIBLE deep blue with some orange in his fins. I read that that means that he's in a good environment and it makes my heart swell with pride.

There is just so much that I AM HAPPY ABOUT these days. I've been suicidal since I was 8 years old and I didn't know that I could feel any other way. I still resent my ex for breaking my heart, but man, it was easily the best thing that's happened to me. She recently mentioned that she still loves me in a way, but I'm done with her and her manipulation. I've got my plants, my animals, my father, and my boyfriend. I no longer need her, and I've never felt better.


TLDR: I attempted, failed, and realized that my life is so much better than it's ever been. Lots of things have changed and improved, and I'm looking forward to restarting my life as someone happy to be living.
 
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mango-meridian

mango-meridian

Student
Apr 5, 2024
123
This is a pretty interesting story. So was your girlfriend addicted to video games or what exactly was the problem?

Also, I smiled reading about your betta fish turning that deep blue color. 😌 I hope your life continues on the upswing!
 
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Rudi

Rudi

𝔐𝔬𝔯𝔦 𝔳𝔬𝔩𝔬 𝔰𝔢𝔡 𝔳𝔦𝔳𝔢𝔯𝔢 𝔳𝔬𝔩𝔬
Oct 15, 2024
123
I've never smiled more at someone's story before.
I'm so proud of you for realising that sometimes having people leave you is something you never knew you needed. I have the same experience and it took me about a year to get over my situationship. But once I realised how easier life is without having to overthink everything about me and him, I've felt somewhat better than usual.

I guess your story also made me realise that only relying onto the people and the things that make you happy may just be the thing to fix ones self.
I'm so glad that you've come this far and that you're still alive, now seemingly happy. I hope things will continue on to go this way for you :D
 
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S

saltytears

Member
Aug 22, 2024
59
I had a date and method in mind. My plan was to double up on my usual meds and abuse my anxiety meds because they make me tired. I drank a lot as well because it made me less likely to chicken out. I woke up the next morning still alive, because I guess all the drugs put me to sleep before I could actually follow through. I was disappointed, but the experience changed my life.

See, the reason that I was attempting was because my girlfriend of 13 years had broken up with me about 8 months prior and it RUINED me. But when I woke up, I did some reflection, and I realized that my life was so much better without her. See, her mom tasked me with "fixing her" since I was about 16 because she couldn't figure out how to fix her herself, and it destroyed me. By the end, I realized what it was that her mom wanted me to fix, and that I simply could not fix it, because she took advantage of everything and everyone she could until their good will ran out.

She made messes that I had to clean up. She ate food that we insisted was not hers and lied about it. I had to almost bully her into making one meal a day, and it was usually something from a box, while I always made something with real meat and vegetables. She and my father hated each other even though we all lived together, and it made my relationship with my dad hell on earth because I felt like I had to be constantly defending her. She was relying on me for groceries and some bills even though all of my money came from working for my father and from my other partner, who just wanted me to not have to starve despite my girlfriend and I both being unemployed. I wasn't able to use the room that contained my entire indoor garden all day because she spent 16 hours a day on her computer, which happened to be in that room, because she was unwilling to spend even one hour doing something besides playing video games and talking to her online friends. She wasn't even willing to move her computer, because that room was very secluded, and she would have to bother the rest of the household if she put it anywhere else. It was a bit of a disaster, to put it lightly.

BUT NOW, I am able to do everything I want AND MORE, and I'm surprised that I didn't realize it before.

Where do I even begin? I take care of my indoor garden now. I delight every day in seeing my tomatoes bloom and watching their flowers turn into tiny cherry tomatoes. My relationship with my father has never been better. It's the same thing with my boyfriend, too. He has lots of money and gives me much more of it now that he can guarantee that all of it is going to go toward me and no one else. Because of that, I was able to start two aquariums (It started as one betta fish and one mystery snail, but my betta eats snail faces, so now I have a betta aquarium and a snail aquarium... Oops...) and take care of my other animals better than ever. She never wanted to drive me to the pet store to get crickets for my gecko and he got very skinny, but my dad brings me to the store every two weeks on the dot, so my lil guy is fattening back up nicely. He looks healthier than he has in years. All of my herbivores get fresh vegetables every night because I can afford them now. They all get good chunks of hay as well, because I can care about feeding THEM as much as I care about feeding ME. The aquariums have been especially helpful because both are exactly in my view when I'm sitting on my bed, and looking at either one of them just gives me a shot of dopamine. My snails are regenerating their faces and my betta is so happy and healthy that he went from being orange and white with some blue spots to being this INCREDIBLE deep blue with some orange in his fins. I read that that means that he's in a good environment and it makes my heart swell with pride.

There is just so much that I AM HAPPY ABOUT these days. I've been suicidal since I was 8 years old and I didn't know that I could feel any other way. I still resent my ex for breaking my heart, but man, it was easily the best thing that's happened to me. She recently mentioned that she still loves me in a way, but I'm done with her and her manipulation. I've got my plants, my animals, my father, and my boyfriend. I no longer need her, and I've never felt better.


TLDR: I attempted, failed, and realized that my life is so much better than it's ever been. Lots of things have changed and improved, and I'm looking forward to restarting my life as someone happy to be living.
So glad you found a new perspective and way to happiness - dont take any steps backward....if you are better without her...than move forward with that conviction...fresh start...
 
-nobodyknows-

-nobodyknows-

I will face my fate.
Jun 16, 2024
522
Glad to hear you are doing better. Happy for you.
 
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legoshi

legoshi

Member
Sep 3, 2024
80
This is a very interesting story. A girlfriend and a boyfriend? And the boyfriend took care of you and the girlfriend? The boyfriend sounds like a great person. I couldn't do that 😂 . But reading about how much you realize how happier you are was nice to read. I'm glad you are in a happier place and see things through new eyes.
 
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C

CatLvr

Paragon
Aug 1, 2024
915
I kinda had a similar experience. My husband was in ICU and nearly died. I realized that when the doctor told me he would be surprised if my old man survived the next 24 hours I was actually relieved at the thought he might leave this world. Don't get me wrong -- I care about him and do not want him to suffer but DAMN the man is an eternal teenager. And it is fucking tiring. Anyway, long story short, he survived. But I now have a completely different take on life and my relationship with him -- and how I LET it affect me.

Plus, I have rekindled my relationship with my child (another long story) and he and I are perfectly happy with my husband not being a part of this relationship. He would just try and fuck it up anyway -- the man is insanely insecure and jealous of ANYONE else being in my life.

Bottom line is I am not the same person I was before he wound up in the ICU. He will figure it out eventually I guess. I already set him down and had a come-to-Jesus meeting so he knows the score. I won't mistreat him but I am also NOT allowing him to mistreat me any longer. He can adjust -- or he can move out. Of course there is always me having him served at work and changing the locks on the doors but that is really not my style. We will just see how it goes. Lol

But I did notice that once I realized he was gonna survive, and was gonna come back home eventually, I literally changed overnight. I am lazer focused on doing things that make ME happy. And make ME feel good about my home and my surroundings. This is the first time in my life I haven't put someone else's well-being and happiness ahead of my own and DAMN does it feel good!
 
DuplicateFeline

DuplicateFeline

Member
Jun 18, 2024
11
Sorry for not getting back to you all sooner!

This is a pretty interesting story. So was your girlfriend addicted to video games or what exactly was the problem?

It wasn't all video games. She watched a lot of anime too. But I never wanted to bother her while she was talking to her online friends or watching something. I'm also sensitive to sound and stuff and she would kick and stuff while she was playing video games and it would rattle the floor. I asked her to wear headphones or stop kicking and stuff when I was in the room but she didn't like that compromise. So I just never went in that room. I mostly stayed in our bedroom and it sucked.

This is a very interesting story. A girlfriend and a boyfriend? And the boyfriend took care of you and the girlfriend? The boyfriend sounds like a great person. I couldn't do that 😂

We're polyamorous :) It's not always easy, but it worked out pretty well for us. And the boyfriend really is amazing. He's probably the best thing that's ever happened to me. He's generous, understanding, and EXTREMELY smart. Plus he wants the relationship to be as healthy as possible and I really appreciate that. We've never even had a fight because he makes sure we're able to communicate freely. It's really the best and I love him so much.

I literally changed overnight. I am lazer focused on doing things that make ME happy. And make ME feel good about my home and my surroundings. This is the first time in my life I haven't put someone else's well-being and happiness ahead of my own and DAMN does it feel good!

I'm having the same kind of experience! I feel like I changed overnight too. And I always put my girlfriend's needs and wants above my own, and I'm SO happy that I don't have to do that anymore. Finally being able to prioritize myself feels AMAZING! :D
 
Last edited:
belly.up4good

belly.up4good

Member
Dec 10, 2024
44
I'm so happy for you. This was just wholesome to read. I hope this happens to me.
 

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