I came to a realization...

[endofline2010]

I took some hydrocodone the other day and felt really good for the first time in a very long time. Physically, I had no pain and my mood was even improved, at least slightly. This was my first time taking an opioid in probably 10 years or so. I used to take hydrocodone and promethazine as cough medicine (when doctors were way more liberal about prescribing them). But other than that, I never took one for pain in my whole life.

Taking that pill made me realize it's definitely time to go. If I need to take addictive pills just to feel like I did a decade ago, there's really no point in going on. Living into or past your 40s is pretty pointless when your body is used up by your 30s.

 

[maniac116]

What you're saying is that a drug helped you.
Could it be that there are other meds might help you? Would it be worth it to see a Dr to prescribe a medication that could help your mood?
I did the same as you. I eventually went to a doctor who got me on medication & I feel much better now. Not trying to tell you what to do, just wondering...

 

[SVEN]

One person's "addictive drug" can be another's "life support". I'm absolutely pro choice and if it seems like it's your time to go, then best wishes in going well.
On the other hand, if a random amount of a non prescribed treatment drug stopped your pain and improved your mood, perhaps more targeted meds could change your life.
Just a thought.

 

[endofline2010]

One person's "addictive drug" can be another's "life support". I'm absolutely pro choice and if it seems like it's your time to go, then best wishes in going well.
On the other hand, if a random amount of a non prescribed treatment drug stopped your pain and improved your mood, perhaps more targeted meds could change your life.
Just a thought.

I totally understand what you're saying, but that's exactly the point I was making. If I need drugs to feel like I once did, I just don't see the point. This is a personal choice for me. It's my body telling me it's time to hang it up.

I could very easily load up on opioids and Adderall and probably feel amazing. But knowing that I only feel that way because I need chemicals to make my body not feel like it's completely used up isn't living to me.

 

[ElVato]

I agree with the others so far.

Sometimes depression is not just because of what's happening to you at a personal or professional level, sometimes it's because your brain doesn't work properly. I know this because I have such a type of depression. For a while, a very complex cocktail of pills managed to stabilize me, but they are pretty damn expensive.

While I've come to terms with the fact that I just don't like being alive, I cannot ignore the fact that my brain does have a problem.

You could surely try other types of treatment and they could work for you, but there is nothing wrong if you choose not to. I just agree with Maniac with the part that you could still have a way out of this mindset.