Venting I can't anymore... I'm done

[KillingPain267]

I did all I could to heal, and all I could to be kind to people, giving second chances, forgiving and helping. Yet I get nothing in return, not even mental peace (at least some doctor could prescribe me hard opioids to numb me, but no). Don't get me wrong, I still think I should help people despite getting nothing in return, but I am just so tired now that I can't even have mental peace for longer than a week. It hurts so much inside. I have to kill whatever is inside. So now I'm serious, and just debating whether I should choose SN or the cardiac switch method. Which is more reliable? I like that the cardiac switch method allows for a last alcoholic drink.

 

[babouflo201223]

I often read your posts. Now I'm so sorry for you that you arrive at this point. I share your sufferings and to be honest I'm closed into a daily mental hell, no peace at all, only SI comes to stop me about CTB, each time. What is the cardiac switch method ?
Big hugs to you again.

 

[KillingPain267]

I often read your posts. Now I'm so sorry for you that you arrive at this point. I share your sufferings and to be honest I'm closed into a daily mental hell, no peace at all, only SI comes to stop me about CTB, each time. What is the cardiac switch method ?
Big hugs to you again.

Thanks for reading my posts often. That is sweet to hear. I almost thought I was starting to heal, but then the mental pain comes back full force and this gets my addict brain going, hoping it will experience a relapse soon. I feel very little if any free-will at all anymore.

The cardiac switch method is mentioned in the PPH. It uses chloroquine to affect the heart. I'm still researching it more.

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand feeling so tired of suffering, I hope you find peace.

 

[babouflo201223]

Thanks for reading my posts often. That is sweet to hear. I almost thought I was starting to heal, but then the mental pain comes back full force and this gets my addict brain going, hoping it will experience a relapse soon. I feel very little if any free-will at all anymore.

The cardiac switch method is mentioned in the PPH. It uses chloroquine to affect the heart. I'm still researching it more.

If you almost thought you were starting to heal, please try to give you a chance and a little time more. Believe me, I understand your sufferings very well, as I wrote I live in a daily mental hell without even a little moment of peace or hope, yes, I understand how much life is cruel with you. But a very very tiny little chance to heal is maybe still possible for you otherwise you had not thought at all about heal. I want to comfort you, even if I'm definitively not the well placed person for that. I send you sparkles of universal love, even if love is shit or illusion, sometimes it brings a soft song of peace to gently help the mental and take care of it as a soft mum or dad would do with a little child.

 

[KillingPain267]

If you almost thought you were starting to heal, please try to give you a chance and a little time more. Believe me, I understand your sufferings very well, as I wrote I live in a daily mental hell without even a little moment of peace or hope, yes, I understand how much life is cruel with you. But a very very tiny little chance to heal is maybe still possible for you otherwise you had not thought at all about heal. I want to comfort you, even if I'm definitively not the well placed person for that. I send you sparkles of universal love, even if love is shit or illusion, sometimes it brings a soft song of peace to gently help the mental and take care of it as a soft mum or dad would do with a little child.

I wasn't really healing, I was just suppressing trauma. But it always resurfaces. I've tried meds, therapy, distractions, even drug abuse. It always comes back what a failure I am and how everyone is ahead of me. It's time for me to accept defeat and do harikiri. It's too shameful to continue.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

we're here for you

 

[cantdecidenameeven]

Hey man, I'm sorry your brain is being unkind to you. Can relate to that. I remember you, you replied to many of my threads and I wish I had the energy at the time to thank you, your kind words were of great help to me, and I hope you're aware of the impact you have on others, even if they choose to be silent about it. Even if they can't utter a word of gratitude.

I hope one day you're as kind to yourself as you are to others, and I hope you stay safe always. Thank you for being human.

 

[KillingPain267]

Hey man, I'm sorry your brain is being unkind to you. Can relate to that. I remember you, you replied to many of my threads and I wish I had the energy at the time to thank you, your kind words were of great help to me, and I hope you're aware of the impact you have on others, even if they choose to be silent about it. Even if they can't utter a word of gratitude.

I hope one day you're as kind to yourself as you are to others, and I hope you stay safe always. Thank you for being human.

By my post here I don't mean anyone in here. I mean in my real life (if you can call it that). People on this site have been the kindest I've seen in a long time.

The only way I could be kind to myself would be to leave society and live alone in the woods but without a memory of what happened in my current life.

 

[Defenestration]

J'ai fait tout ce que j'ai pu pour guérir, et tout ce que j'ai pu pour être gentil avec les gens, donner une seconde chance, pardonner et aider. Pourtant, je n'obtiens rien en retour, pas même la paix mentale (au moins un médecin pourrait me prescrire des opioïdes durs pour m'engourdir, mais non). Ne vous méprenez pas, je pense toujours que je devrais aider les gens même si je n'obtiens rien en retour, mais je suis tellement fatigué maintenant que je ne peux même pas avoir la paix mentale pendant plus d'une semaine. Ça fait tellement mal à l'intérieur. Je dois tuer tout ce qui est à l'intérieur. Alors maintenant, je suis sérieux, et je me demande si je dois choisir la SN ou la méthode du changement cardiaque. Qu'est-ce qui est le plus fiable ? J'aime le fait que la méthode du changement cardiaque permette de boire un dernier verre d'alcool.

My friend i understand you...

 

[opheliaoveragain]

we're here for you