I have been suicidal since I was nine years old; I am now 34. The only reason I am still here is because methods have unfortunately failed. I can't drive because I'm epileptic. I'm also on Income Support; despite graduating with a 96% Average in an Administrative Specialist program in college, looking normal (having no piercings or tattoos), being polite, and respectful, I have never been hired for a paid position anywhere. It doesn't even matter that I volunteered or that my mother, who is a retired career counsellor, helps me with my Cover Letters and Resumes; I have never been interviewed either. Apparently being neurodivergent disqualifies me from being interviewed or getting a paid job - I don't disclose that I'm autistic in my resumes or Cover Letters (or to many people) and I can "act normal". Being neurodivergent also disqualifies me from getting help from the local police. The local police lied to me about what was legal and what wasn't. I was told that it was only against the law to be nasty to someone online if someone was threatening to kill you several times when I called due to local people being extremely nasty to me online (they would make hate threads about me on a local website and send me nasty messages); the last time I was told this was December 27, 2019. Because of the police giving me false information, I was nasty to someone online (I sent them five messages between November 2018 - July 2020) and, a year later, in October 2021, the police charged me with Indecent Communications. Yet they refuse to do anything about what was said to me (if you want evidence look up "Run_Chick" on DeviantArt; I don't know how to post links on a cellphone, the person behind that account is actually a man that harasses me online, I avoid numerous websites and don't have pictures of myself online because of this guy that the police allow to harass me, not only did he make hateful journal entries, he would also send me hateful messages; he is not involved in the current charges).
Even though I wasn't charged until 2021, my first court date is next month. I'm stressed since I know the local media will likely cover it. I can't take the stress or further abuse. I have Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder due to the ongoing abuse I have received from people since I was a child (I even had to pretend I was dead, when I was seven, to get teen boys that were chasing me and throwing things at me to leave me alone for fuck's sake). I am planning to "catch the bus" November 22nd. I can't stay in this hell anymore. If I could undue anything in my life, it's the fact I was born. If the Time Machine ever becomes invented, I want to go back in time and make sure that I was never conceived. Let society find someone else to treat like shit without repercussions. I never asked to be placed in nor did I agree to this role which I fucking hate.
Even though I wasn't charged until 2021, my first court date is next month. I'm stressed since I know the local media will likely cover it. I can't take the stress or further abuse. I have Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder due to the ongoing abuse I have received from people since I was a child (I even had to pretend I was dead, when I was seven, to get teen boys that were chasing me and throwing things at me to leave me alone for fuck's sake). I am planning to "catch the bus" November 22nd. I can't stay in this hell anymore. If I could undue anything in my life, it's the fact I was born. If the Time Machine ever becomes invented, I want to go back in time and make sure that I was never conceived. Let society find someone else to treat like shit without repercussions. I never asked to be placed in nor did I agree to this role which I fucking hate.
