i cant find anymore reasons to keep going

[moodrings]

im tired. i dont want to keep going.

when i was younger id curl up in my bed sobbing, crying into myself "i want to go home, i want to go home," which is odd, because at that time i had only ever lived in that house.

im trans, and i fucking hate it. im not going to sit here and be proud of it because i lack the energy to do so at this rate. its exhausting. the amount of times i have wondered what life would be like in a different reality where i was born in a body i feel comfortable in.

in the end, i feel that is the home i was begging for. safety and security in my own body.

i want to go home.
i want to go home but im so afraid of the consequences
i want to go home, i want to be happy, i want to be okay

 

[divinemistress36]

I understand I want to go home to <3

 

[death's_door]

I also want to go home.

I wrote a short poem for you.

Home is wear the heart is and my heart is everywhere.

Today, tomorrow, we will be together and weather these storms in this home we built high upon the rocks, high upon a hill, away from unlawful cops, away from those who just say we've got to stop because it isn't their ideal life knowing we were born into this life knowing we were not destined or designed to fit into our skin and the preacher man says we're living in sin and teachers now have to condemn those who weren't chosen to live life upon a bed of roses their hearts and lips are frozen because they can't admit to what makes their skin crawl whenever someone says they're a babe or doll so they live amongst the fallen waiting for the day when heaven comes calling and people say they'll pray for your soul but you know that that ain't pulled you in the right direction before so you try to let go, you try to let go...

I know it lacks punctuation, grammar, or whatever but it is what it is and hopefully it brightens up your day or night! You are worth the time it took to write that and you are special as you were born special and don't let anyone tell you any different!

Also, when I say we, I am writing this from your perspective and we is the trans community as a whole. standing together...

 

[passer-by]

It's like an universal craving. I'm nostalgic for a home I don't even remember. Maybe it was never in this place, in this physical world.

 

[LittleJem]

I wanted to go home until my 30s or 40s. I used to believe it was a memory of a home we come from before we are born. Now, maybe, it's more psychological

 

[Sandra]

I also often was thinking "I want to go home" even when i lived at home. I just wanted to go somewhere where I feel loved, accepted, not treated like a pest. Somehow with time it stopped. I think I accepted that this idea of "home" does not exist for me.