I cant keep going.

[ykoizy]

It sounds stupid, i know, but hear me out.

I broke up with my loving partner. He was truly the best person in the world, hes so sweet and talented, i still love him so much. But as a person with BPD, i cant keep him.

I noticed recently that hes been getting distant, and im 100% certain that it was my fault. I couldnt keep him happy, so i decided to do what was best for him, i left him. He deserved someones who could keep him happy.

We decided on remaining friends, but shortly after he texted me "you know what fuck this, stay safe" and blocked me.

its been two hours since. I cant stop crying and i want to die. I want to die so bad. I cant keep going. My chest hurts so much.

i need help. I live with my aunt because i can not live alone. She has cameras all over the house, outside of the door, in my room, living room, kitchen, etc. i want to run away and hopefully make it to the bridge. but i have thin walls.

please help me. i need to die.

 

[Jadeith]

It sounds stupid

No, it doesn't. Broken heart hurts af. Even more if you are sensitive type with tendency to mood swings. It is ok to vent. After all this place should be your safe space to do so.

i need to die

No, you don't. You WANT to because you hurt rn but you don't NEED to. It's a choice and always should be. And it should not be made under pressure or while stressed. Since you are overloaded with negative emotions rn, i strongly suggest you postpone that decision for now.
That's why guns and heart break combo is so dangerous. People act on the impulse and wireless hole punchers do not offer second chances.

 

[enjoytheride]

I second Jadeith's wise words. I would add from my experience that time really does heal. So if you just hold on, things will get better and easier, and different perspectives will open up for you. This seeming to be the end and it actually being the end are two very, very different things. Be kind to yourself.

Best regards

 

[ykoizy]

No, it doesn't. Broken heart hurts af. Even more if you are sensitive type with tendency to mood swings. It is ok to vent. After all this place should be your safe space to do so.

No, you don't. You WANT to because you hurt rn but you don't NEED to. It's a choice and always should be. And it should not be made under pressure or while stressed. Since you are overloaded with negative emotions rn, i strongly suggest you postpone that decision for now.
That's why guns and heart break combo is so dangerous. People act on the impulse and wireless hole punchers do not offer second chances.

thank you so much, i just wanted to let you know that you helped the urges slowly pass, and im thankful for you.